Since summer is in full swing and school is far away. The necessity for medication has past. I have been off of Lithium and Topiramate for only 11 days, yet I have had more energy, been less nervous, been more creative, than during the school year. I have had some 'naughty' thoughts about hurting myself, someone else, or someone else hurting me, but my otherwise self destructing behaviors have not come up. I would like to say that as helpful as the occasional Paroxetine, Adderall, or Diazepam, were, the best thing over the past few months to help me recover is social interaction and writing. Both have been very difficult if you have ever felt like doing absolutely nothing; that includes breathing. Ever since I joined SoulCast, I have started writing more.
Even when I couldn't write, I would transcribe a previous poem digitally and post it. This caused me to read, picture, and reframe old states of mind. This combined with the support of friends made here at SoulCast has made me miss and thus re-involve myself into things such as music, art, and dance. I would like to thank many people, for their comments and ideas. Mainly Fraggles, Uni, Hegie, CW, Lucy, Holly, Moonie, Beyond, Raindrops, FairMaiden, and Wolfie, but that's not to discount any others. Communicating with people here, has made me talk with more people. The small things such is the invisible rope, returning delusions, trunkless tree, super glued coin, have provided fearless and entertaining interaction that has brought many smiles as well as the humorous posts found in SoulCast.
Writing and dance has reconsumed my life. I now volunteer as a dance instructor for latin dance at a local non-profit dance academy and have started to organize my poems into a book. I have the outline of another created, but need a few more key points, character traits, and details before, starting the actual writing process. My new medication is much stronger than any thing that a Doctor of Medicine could possibly prescribe. (Diazepam before archery or a performance helps though.) It is the wonderful words and complements of those gifted in their own right. It is the smiles of friends once thought of as being lost. It is the look on people's faces when they see something not quite right and are forced to think about it. Best of all it is the love and affection of family, friends, pets, and stuffed animals.
PERSCRIBED WRITING:
Breaths of richly populated poems, seep deeply into a mind once clear.
Clarity obtained previously from, prescriptions of perceptions queer.
Matured mind details of past, when sane behavior did disappear.
Prosody for popularity and success, before teen years does appear.
Reading thoughts of confusion, curious eyes fall upon my form.
Others verbalize that my actions, are different from the norm.
Realizations of possibilities, where I may need to then reform.
I chose to express what I felt, determined not to ever conform.
Unfortunately, in school I was also unable to connect or concentrate.
This idea that I would be behind, would put me in an depressive state.
Previous energy being sapped, the new train of thoughts does sedate.
Accepting need for help to stop, before existence of mine desecrate.
Unaccustomed notions on youthful ears, accept modern methodology.
Expecting intellectuals of education, to secern effective psychology.
Despite the knowledge gained, from years in the field of biology.
Instead rely contemporary persuasion, and modern technology.
Of many conditions present in one's psyche, Bipolar Disorder prevails.
Emotional Acrophobia, the interactions with loved ones it curtails.
The worst of many worlds, supposed restriction, it is your mind that jails.
Thoughts of self destruction and willingness upon ained body assails.
Depression comes and leaves, with the android body unable to feel.
Manic drives motion without, concentration or thoughts genteel.
Solution prescribed by doctors, to parents they must first reveal.
The drugs to force a change, in minds unstable it will control and anneal.
Upon lengthy time I drudged along, by the tiny capsule's strong control.
Though complacent and less dispirited, it was to a drug that I parole.
Is it worth the displacement, of thoughts of pain becoming a goal,
If to medication I give ascendence, and sacrifice a emancipated soul.
No longer mine will this devil's food provide, an involuntary change.
My method will not create, a mindless doll for my life exchange.
Manic and deficient of attention, will drive my need to rearrange.
Thoughts and words that depression, has caused a mind derange.
Freedom given without the fight, does not fall as if it is complete.
Without the bitterness in life, the affection returned not as sweet.
I take the battle and with it my weapons, will not accept defeat.
With music, art, and expression, force devilish thoughts retreat.
Married emotion births great written thoughts, at first a little small.
These paper pills give vantage to, the deduction of previous scrawl.
My medication prescribed by me, is the written word connecting all.
Appreciative to the release of pain, to those readers I hope enthrall.
To all those kept captive by yourself, take back your minds creation.
Evince your ideas but limit harmful actions, not hope's proliferation.
Writing has helped my soul, battle depression and give motivation.
May in forthcoming times it manifest, every dream and aspiration.
Best of wishes in all your future endeavors & ♥ ∞,
— the one without shade
WithoutShade posted on Jun 26, 2009
| views: 248
Comments
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gingersoul said on Jun 26, 2009....
WS........many of us use words and music as an emotional therapy......i am one of them...I wish your treatment will heal your soul. But not completely. A tiny speck of dark side will make your shining self resplend even more.You write about your feelings beautifully. -
alabamagirl said on Jun 26, 2009....
You write well, I enjoy reading. Life is such a journey, we are faced with many obstacles. I'm glad to see you climbing forward fighting a strong battle with such resilience. -
fragglesrock said on Jun 26, 2009....
this place is one of a kind, the people here are irreplaceable, i'm always so happy that i was introduced to this site, i'm glad you are here and re-immersing yourself in the things you enjoy :)
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beyondtheveil said on Jun 26, 2009....
I've read and enjoyed every post you have put up here. You go from moving poetry to super glued coins on the sidewalk.
I'm happy you are re-involved with music, art, and dance. Can't beat that.
Stay with us, shade, I would really miss you.
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CreativeWoman said on Jun 26, 2009....
WS,
I understand completely how cathartic writing is. I am happy and humbled that I have helped you in some small way.
CW
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wolfafterurazz said on Jun 26, 2009....
What a revelation! Have you ever seen ONE FLEW OVER THE KOKOO'S NEST? This may be just me but doctors seem to want to find a pill for everything. People are all different and the NORM as society has labeled it my not be the best thing for everyone. The schools told me my son was hyperactive and needed medication. I told them no he was special and medication would only deprive him of his creative potential. Now don't get me wrong he was very active but he wasn't hyperactive. Ok here is a hook up to his myspace page go check him out and he's on youtube to under the same name. go look what he grew into!!!!! Withoutshade please do not ever listen to main stream thinking if your different, surpress the feelings of harming yuourself by writing...........get tatoo's if you want to hurt yourself let someone else hurt you artisically, if ur not into tatoos hell I spank ur ass, theres always another outlet. I think your on the right track. I am honored that you included me and I am always here for you and all. You see we are each others medicine~smoochezzzzz~WOLF~ OH YEAH~~~riverdarkly his name on both sites don't tell him you heard it form me he's in Vegas now he moved from Mobile alabama to Las Vegas about a year ago. He's his own man and I'm real proud of him. -
Hegemone said on Jun 26, 2009....
Wow, that was a fantastic poem. I am literally in awe of your ability to write that, and yet I'm also so ... well I'm still looking for the right word. That was such beautiful insight to what you go through, how things have been, how things are now, etc.. It is hard to truly understand a person with Bipolar Disorder, to know what you go through, feel, etc. without having experienced it yourself, but you make it a lot easier to at least begin to get an idea about it. I admire you for finding these outlets, as I'm sure others have. For my mom it's school and her dog, always something unique to each person. You certainly have special talents, hold on to them! -
moonriver said on Jun 27, 2009....
i'm so glad you wrote this post, for all of us to read... :-)
i agree with ginger: keep a small bit of that streak of madness in you.
you can harness it to drive your creativity to new frontiers.
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pusscat said on Jun 27, 2009....
I wish I had your courage WS. This poem is just so beautiful. I sat here looking like a 'nodding dog' at each line, the feelings, the thoughts, the patterns of those feelings and thoughts. I have often thought if I lived alone, I might one day try to at least reduce the meds. My husband is severely depressed right now and under a mental health team so I kind of feel the need to be the strong one right now for him. I guess I am lucky in the respect that I have never been given the emotional numbing meds that many get prescribed especially in the States. I agree with what Wolf said above and andora has often rightly said that even our sad, dark, low thoughts and emotions are still part of who we are and shouldn't always be surpressed with pills and potions.
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HisFairMaiden said on Jun 27, 2009....
WS~ another triumph from you!!
this is absolutely amazing!!
I thank you dearly for including me amongst the
names of such talent here...but you must realize
how much you inspire US all!!!
I encourage you wholeheartedly in your continued
writing endeavors~you are extremely talented, and
I know whenever I see a posting of yours, I will not be
disappointed.
Thank you darling, for sharing of yourself with us!
~fair maiden~
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WithoutShade said on Jun 29, 2009....
Very simply, Thank you all.
Words may only begin to describe my appreciation for all your inspirational stories and lovely comments, it is the heartfelt contribution of insightful lessons that will truly create lasting impressions. I hope you feel as inspired to express and enjoy life as you have inspired me.
-WS
Comment on "Prescribed Writing"
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