The past two weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotion. My oldest daughter, an almost 18yr old who knows everything and feels she needs to spread her little wings and fly away, left to live with a 25 yr old internet geek whom she'd never met in person, just over IM's and the phone. She told me she was leaving about 2 weeks ago...Those 2 weeks were filled with talking and crying and frustration and stupid distracted mistakes at work and aarggg!
Then Daddy got sick. We thought it was somethig really serious. Thankfully it wasn't, He just has to start taking better care of Himself and all of that jazz, but it was hell going through it. Worrying about Him and thinking about the reality that He is only mortal and i may lose Him someday. I hate those thoughts, they steal my breah. I can't function when i think of life without Daddy.
Such fun!
Now, my daughter has flown the coop. We cried, we prayed and we moved on to loving and caring for the other kids (we have 6 all together) I will stay in contact with her, Daddy says she has to call at least every other week to talk to everyone so that they know she is ok and still loves them. We want to stay involved in her life even if we don't approve of the frog she is marrying (yes, she plans on marrying this guy in a few short weeks). Daddy and i are changing the way we eat and all that so that we can live together until forever comes and after some serious family time in a tent in the back yard the kids are adjusting to their older sister not being a part of the pride anymore.
There's philosophy here, there's theology, there's wisdom and lessons learned through pain, which hopefully will stick with us so that we don't have to go through the pain again to learn the same things. Most of all, through all of this, there is love. As always i am reminded by the God of my soul that love is the prevading force that enables the chaos of existance to aclually follow a semblance of order and make sense to the finite human mind. Love always hopes, always protects, always forgives...it's just one of those things that when it is real and unconditional, cannot be overcome be any force. It is the sheild as well as the sword. Thank God for love. And most of all, i thank Him for all of the love in my life personally. I couldn't live this without love.
