Note- i originally wrote this post on Friday but left it in draft mode...

 

ok, so the guy is probably going to read this after we see each for the second time today.

this post does or will invoke a talk, but i think he already knows what i'm about to say.

i don't know if it's because gov sanford got caught or becuase farrah fawcet died, but for the first time ever , today i felt a ping of 'guilt' as returned to work. actually i started feeling the guilt last night when the guy told me his mother in law was being tested for cancer - hence the farrah fawcet connection.  i was going to maybe talk to him about it face to face, but when we are together my guilt and everything else goes away.  but i know if she is diagnosed, i don't know how i could live with myself and still keep this going.  my mom died of cancer - and if nothing else, i know that if your mom is going through that then any possible side drama needs to be eliminated.  the other crazy thing is that i was kinda feeling sanford's emails and his off and running to argentina. what is it about having a 'connection' with someone that's making me and all these other fools do what we always thought was wrong.  sounds like this is the beginning of the end, maybe or maybe not. maybe i'm emotional today and tomorrow won't make a difference. maybe me being this up and down the guy will say it's not worth it.