• SeanRenaud said on Sep 12, 2006....

  No. The things that you are mentioning are largely nit picking things which can largely be ignored. But the short answer is no we can't stop criticizing you and nor should we. We should help you get as close to perfection as we possible can and you should do the same for us. The world doesn't improve with everybody looking and saying that everything and everybody is good enough, it changes by us improving each other and ourselves.
  

• silverwhisper said on Sep 12, 2006....

  a lot of behaviors are covered under the general heading of criticism, aren't they? like sean, i think a lot of this stuff is pretty silly and i agree that ascribing much iimport to them is a bad idea.
  
  that said, i've always felt that one has to take the source of such comments into account when weighing their validity. :>
  
  ed
  

• SeanRenaud said on Sep 12, 2006....

  Yeah never take advice from somebody more screwed up than yourself.
  

• Alyss said on Sep 12, 2006....

  Well the kind of criticsm you describe is hardly constructive so I'd say no it's not going to be helpful.
  

• purple said on Sep 12, 2006....

  I'd rather give people encouragement and permission to follow their dreams than give them grief for not living up to my subjective expectations.
  Ever notice that people only tend to praise you if you are following their agenda and withold their support if you step outside of the path they have set for you?
  Both praise and criticism are forms of manipulation.
  

• silverwhisper said on Sep 12, 2006....

  um...that's counter to my experience, both as the recipient and giver of praise.
  
  ed
  

• harriedpsychmajor said on Sep 12, 2006....

  What I've noticed is that people blur the line between criticism and insult. In the examples you've listed, a person who does those things acknowledges that what (s)he is doing is incorrect or not to the other person's satisfaction, but the other person condescends him/her by repeated and unnecessary criticism. That kind of nitpicking would fall under the category of insult.
  
  On the other hand, if someone is unsure of how to do something, criticism can be a good way to learn. So the way I've seen it, there's nothing really wrong with criticism as long as it's tactful and it helps the person improve on what (s)he is doing incorrectly. Insult, on the other hand, is nothing more than a one-up on someone.
  

• secretlife said on Sep 12, 2006....

  and just because you think you're screwed up, don't overlook the possibility that the person doling out the critism isn't just as screwed up if not more so
  
  Consider the source-
  
  Constructive critism is a good thing-
  I'm a big believer in finding something to praise before you begin to try to offer it-
  

• JayneBond said on Sep 12, 2006....

  Judge not, lest you be judged yourself is a great antecedent for these people in your life who seem to feel it necessary to criticize your way of doing things. Instead of reacting, which is what they want you to do, to get attention and to drain you at an emotional level, ignore their comments.
  
  The act of judging another person comes from a superego that is too developed for its own good. Psychologically speaking most people who are highly judgemental suffer from low self esteem, and therefore to make themselves feel better they point out what they feel are inadequacies in your nature or character to try and establish themselves as dominant. They do this largely because someone in their lives made them feel inadequate when their superego/ego were developing, usually in childhood or during their teens. The way to thwart someone who is constantly "keeping you down" is by not allowing them the satisfaction of knowing you care what they think. This will probably infuriate them because you are not allowing their overdeveloped ego to dominate you. When someone's ego is threatened they lash out to attack you so that they can feel better about themselves. Repeated behavior should be a clear indication that you don't need this kind of emotional vampire in your life.
  
  
  JB
  

• purple said on Sep 12, 2006....

  Jayne, are you new here? I see you don't have any posts on your blog, but I added you hoping to read them later.
  Why can't I ever find the vampires that look like Brad Pitt?
  

• CreativeWoman said on Sep 12, 2006....

  I grew up in a critical household. Nothing I did was right or good enough. As a result, I'm not a big fan of criticism and I don't take it well. I am my own worst enemy there.
  
  CW
  

• amanhecer said on Sep 12, 2006....

  Mistakes and flaws are fine.
  
  Stop the insult and just encourage each other. :)
  
  \m/
  

• purple said on Sep 13, 2006....

  When a person is in a critical environment, people just stop sharing who they really are. That is why when couples get divorced they often say 'I felt like I was living with a stranger.'
  

• JayneBond said on Sep 14, 2006....

  Hi Purple,
  
  Yes, I'm knew, just learning how to navigate before I write and show off my edumucation. I say, if you are going to be in a bad relationship, make sure they are at least hot in bed!
  
  peace,
  jb
  

• raft said on Sep 14, 2006....

  There is a difference with criticism and nagging.
  
  What you're talking about in the original post is nagging and nit picking. My usual interpretation to nagging in a relationship is that there's something the other's not willing to talk about and that's really bothering them. So they nag about inconsequential stuff.
  
  I was raised in a critical environment. Not positive criticism (as it came across), although it probably was meant positively. Praise wasn't all that forthcoming. Although, when it came, it was meant sincerely.
  
  As I raise my children, I keep thinking about this and, frankly, I'm having trouble handling it. I want praise to have an impact and not become a commodity. I don't believe in giving praise for something that is an expected activity, but give praise when they do something beyond the call of duty.. when they are actually reaching/stretching.
  
  Not sure I answered your question though.
  

• purple said on Sep 14, 2006....

  You bring up some good points raft.
  I can't remember my parents praising us. Usually praise came with a backhanded compliment, such as "I see your room is finally clean and I expect it to stay that way every day from now on."
  It was just assumed we would get straight A's in school. No praise or reward was ever offered if we did. My parents didn't go to my high school graduation.
  I wouldn't recommend witholding praise until your children did something super human.
  

• raft said on Sep 14, 2006....

  No, not superhuman. Simply above the grade. They are quite young (under 4). Above the grade at that age is a regular occurance. They do get praise regularly.
  
  An simple example would be being polite is expected, being thoughtful is going above the grade (at least at this age). When they learned that lesson, they upped their ante and we push further.
  
  That is the way of life. I don't get praise for doing status quo work, I get paid for that. I get praise and recognition if I go beyond.
  

• purple said on Sep 18, 2006....

  Getting paid is a great kind of praise in my book.
  

• raft said on Sep 18, 2006....

  True, but I like getting a bonus at the end of the year better. ;)
  

• destinydiva said on Aug 06, 2007....

  interesting post....  glad to have found you.... :-)
  Destiny xx
  

• destinydiva said on Aug 06, 2007....

  i love your name btw :-)

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