A feeling of self worth of being the best you can possible be...?

Of not being able to live up to expectations, of always hurting those you love or better yet hurting the ones who love you back......

Once that feeling has gone there is NO way to get it back....

Once you have been hurt it is a hard cycle to break it is stuck with you for the rest of your life, once you have been hurt most just turn cold and never let anyone or anything in again. Others hurt on purpose.

Walls are put up and it's very hard to turst or love again but there are some who learn to love again that would be me. I learnt to love again for a very brief amount of time although i still love i sabotaged that love before i gave him a chance a real chance.

I've been hurt a lot and let down and i let myself down i let that love down the love i found which i will never find again. People hurt so they don't get hurt. But how do you change this feeling? How do you change what you have turned yourself into?

Your comments and suggestions would be very helpful. I've tried everything I even tried hypnotherapy and it worked for a while but it's like my brain is so far brain washed it won't let anyone help me. I used to be a very happy go lucky unlifted person.

now i just don't trust anyone, anyone who tried to help me i just end up hurting or letting them down no matter how much i see they wouldn't hurt me I've been living this way for so long its second nature to me. I only have love and trust in my children. They are the one part of the love i lost which will never be disappointed in me ever.

They are the ones who get me uout of bed in the morning the ones i go on for.

No one person should EVER feel like this.

I'll never forget the look of disappointment in his eyes of hurt of disgust, I'd never let anyone down as much as i'd let him down i just had no faith in what we had i had no faith he cared no faith in anything.

I should of believed we'd come out stronger but we didn't how could we I'd been forced yes forced to believe otherwise I'd given our last chance at being I gave it away because i was scared, scared to trust scared to belong.

Now with sleepless nights and long days holding everything together by a thread. As if under tree and snow on top if i move to the left it'll all fall n if i move to the right it'll fall. All the time thinking what have I done? How many more lives must be ruined, how many more people can be disappointed in me? How much farther can I fall?

Until next time.....