Now there are many blogs that will probably follow this one but we will start here and then I'll post more so you can fill in the gaps. I have so many thoughts that run through my head everyday and when i go to sleep the thoughts go round and round as it is i barely get any sleep and when i do sleep it's like all my thoughts come into my dreams.

It's funny how these things turn out when i was younger i ALWAYS imagined the whole white wedding and career and babies to follow I'd stay home and be with my babies tale care of the house while my husband worked and we'd be so in love. Well i skipped the wedding and the babies just came into my life.

Now 7 years on I thought things would be differently to what they are now. That's when i fell in love yep 7 years on 31st July 2009, things have been up and down for many of those years but i never thought we'd truely part not until 6 months ago and from then these thoughts have increased in my head.

Have i done the right thing, is this all because of me, will my babies hate me, why does everyone esle hate me, why can't i just get things right, why is it no matter what i decide someones going to hate me or get hurt, why doesn't his parents like me, how'd i end up here, why am i being punished, and there are many more thoughts.

How did life get so complicated? Most of this is probably my fault and i can't take back most of it, BUT where do i go from here? How do i make things right? Do i move over there or do i stay put? Will i be happier there or here? What do i do?

Now i know i need to make the right choice for my children but what is that right choice? Now if i move.... religion is an issue, I want my children brought up Orthodox.... He wants them brought up Muslim.... Which is the best way? Why can't they be both? Although we both believe in GOD it somehow doesn't make it any easier.

When is enough enough?

I want to share all these joys with him but how? Why is he so stubborn? Why can't he just be happy with what i offer? Why can't we just get along? The thoughts continue like this all the time they take up too much of my time once i think about something and try to figure it out something else comes up.

I'm off for an appointment but i shall return later tonight to post some more......