I am not sure if unexpected is the right word to describe my emotional state, but today, on the fifth anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, I am feeling quite sad.

I was awakened on 9/11/01 by my phone ringing. “Who is this?” I demanded. Everyone knows not to call me before noon. “It’s me [my wife/then gf]; turn on your tv… NOW!” “What is going on?” I demanded again. “I don’t have class until 1 today; why are you waking me up so early?” “[IPJ], just turn on your tv now; a plane flew into the World Trade Center.” Now I don’t know about you, but when I wake up I am totally groggy. It was all so surreal. I flipped my tv on and watched in horror. No one knew what was going on; total chaos.

I watched a bit more and said goodbye to my gf. “I’ll call you later; I’m going to watch all of this. Love you.” I was still in bed. My blinds were drawn, but some light was peeking through. I am not sure how much time passed. I was watching the events in NYC unfold and was utterly stunned. Then I heard something. I lived near Reagan Airport, so I was used to hearing planes take off and land; the noise I heard was strikingly different.

When the plane struck the Pentagon, I was one mile away. I heard a loud noise (like standing at the end of a runway), followed by a huge explosion, my room shook, my blinds blew into the room, I could immediately smell the smoke (and what I later discovered was burning flesh). It was a repulsive smell.

I looked out my window and saw an optical illusion that made it seem like the building directly across the street was the one that was struck and the spiraling black smoke was coming out of the far side of that building. I ran out of my apartment for fear that all surrounding buildings were in danger. I did not know the extent of the attacks. Like an idiot, I followed the crowds and ran down the street… toward the Pentagon. I never run anywhere (unless I am being chased), so this was a real “fight or flight” feat for me. I arrived at the outer border of the Pentagon and was chased away by an MP with an M-16. More running.

I stopped to catch my breath and spoke to some people on the street. Some saw a small plane (like a Cessna), some saw a military helicopter. It was mass chaos. I had heard the noise of the approaching plane; it could not have been anything but a large plane. I will never forget that sound. It was more horrific than the sound you hear during a car accident (which I have found is a very traumatic sound).

Foolishly running down the street (this time away from the Pentagon), I pulled out my cell phone, realizing that my mother was probably having a heart attack. No service. I made it home and called my wife (gf at the time)… I don’t know why I didn’t call mom first. My wife was an army ranger, so I knew she’d know what I should do in case I had to get away from D.C. I made it through to her on the first try (she was standing on the roof of her office watching the WTC towers burning). We were separated by distance, yet unified by the experience. She told me to fill my tub with water (in case the water supply was attacked or the service was interrupted). I packed a bag with some non-perishable food and put on my olive drab pants. I was ready to live in the wilderness. At the time, I thought the terrorists would be sending a barrage of attacks my way, so I wanted to prep for the worst-case scenario.

I was very frightened. There were snipers on all the roofs in the buildings surrounding mine. I lived in a heavy intelligence area. Finally, I called my mom. It took about 15 minutes to get through. I kept hitting “redial” feverishly. “Mom?! They blew up the Pentagon. I am so scared.” We simultaneously burst into tears. I saw on tv that phone use was prohibited to keep the lines clear for emergency use, but my mom wouldn’t let me hang up because it was impossible to reconnect. We stayed on the phone for about 7 hours. Finally, my battery died and I hung up. I recharged my battery and called my wife again. More crying.

I had a very hard time sleeping that night. I kept hearing planes and bombs. “Skittish” is not even the right word to describe me; I was a mess. I felt so isolated. Everyone was so far away, and I had no idea what was going to happen in the days to come. I couldn’t even get out of town because I had gotten hit by a cement mixer on 9/10/01 (on 395 right in front of the Pentagon (where the light poles were clipped) and my car was duct taped together.

The car accident was bizarre because I got hit, and my bumper was hanging on by a thread. The police officer told me to get off the highway, so I took the next exit, hoping to do a quick u-turn. Anyone familiar with metro D.C. knows that no such thing exists. I ended up in a secure parking lot at the Pentagon. I chugged through until I was stopped by a Hummer with machine guns telling me to get out of there. If the accident had been one day later, I probably would have been shot for being in that location. Actually, I probably would have been hit by one of the clipped light poles. What a difference a day makes.

I have been reflecting about my experience on 9/11/01 since it happened. I lost a number of friends in NYC; all I have are memories of the times I spent at Windows, Top of the World, Blue Yonder, and the Hors d’Oeuverie. I lost a professor on a plane that crashed into PA somewhere. I can’t believe all of this happened. Five years have passed and I am still shrouded in disbelief.

One of the secretaries here sent an e-mail link to watch the “documentary” Loose Change 2e. It is a conspiracy theory film positing that the government was really behind the attacks on 9/11/01, and has succeeded in the greatest cover-up of all time. The film was compelling and had a very Oliver Stone vibe to it. Unfortunately, conspiracy theorists can make any argument sound compelling by only telling part of the story and ignoring the facts that don’t support their claims. It is really a shame that such an immense tragedy has brought out the worst in people. Don’t even get me started on the Ann Coulter debacle. It’s all just SAD.