I feel so lost, so trapped, there are no open doors for me anymore, all hope is gone and it really doesn't matter what I do, it's never going to get any better, it will only get worse.  I have lost everything, I have no one, I am completely invisable to the world.  I can see how much of a loser I am now, thing is though, If I had a chance, I could do so much good with this life, but if there is a God, he doesn't see me.  I am a forgotten child, sentenced to be punished for eternity for I"m not sure what.  Men have used me, ripped apart my heart until it was so shattered there was no way to peice it back together again, so for the past few years I have been alone, no dating, no sex, no nothing, postive point though, no bullshit or drama.  I have no friends, My bff from years ago came back into my life, thought it was actually a blessing from God, but it's actually more like a sick joke from him, another punishment.  Still don't know what I did to make her hate me. 

The other day, I was walking to get the girls from the park, standing there waiting and the loser across the street that does drugs and sits outside all day long gossiping about everyone walks up behind me and picks up a hundred dollar bill, and of course he had to rub it in my face saying did you not see that?  Meanwhile me and my children are almost starving, barely getting by, no phone, cable and hydro will be shut off this week possibly.  Why couldn't I have found it?  Another sick joke of God's?  One thing after another in my life and I am so sick of it all.  Every day is the same as the last.