Is it ever okay to lie to someone? I was watching a television show a few nights ago.
Conversation came up on the show, If you were to kill someone to keep them from hurting me, I think you would lie to me about it because if you told me, you know that I would carry that burden. The burden of knowing you harmed someone for the sake of me.
I understand what that means, but it does make me think. So, just in general here, does that mean if we love someone that much that we wouldn't want them to carry that burden of knowing? Or does that mean that if we love someone that much we wouldn't be able to lie to them about it.
In my own personal experience, I usually come clean about my "sins". Sometimes that means I've hurt those that I care for. When I could have kept my mouth shut I would have saved them pain. Am I selfish because I felt the need to "come clean." Did I do it only for my benefit. At the time, I felt like if it were me I would want to know and if I want to continue a healthy, loving relationship with this person, I should tell.
Would it have been better to have not told? I don't know.
A rule I live by today: At least I try too.
I think before I act. If I am going to be embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone of my actions, then I guess I shouldn't be doing/saying/ it.
Any thoughts? Have you ever told a lie and come clean/or not come clean about it? How did it affect you? or others?
alabamagirl posted on Jun 12, 2009
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Comments
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uniquely-ironic said on Jun 12, 2009....
thorny issue with no firm answer. I do think though that if the relationship is between a man and wife (or spouses) that you need to be honest even if it causes them to carry some burden. The basis of trust and respect is absolute honesty. -
alabamagirl said on Jun 12, 2009....
Uni - I agree, at least in my own relationship with my spouse. I share everything with him, the good, the bad and the ugly! All relationships are different, I suppose. The answer could vary, depending on what kind of relationship you share with that person or what issue is at hand. -
travelr712 said on Jun 12, 2009....
well, there's a difference between lying and not telling. if i killed someone under those circumstances and didn't tell you, it's not lying to you. if the police come and get me, you may think i'd been deceptive, and you'd be right, but it wasn't a lie. but over the years, as a man, i've learned that you can't answer some questions from women honestly, it just makes them mad. -
superbozo said on Jun 13, 2009....
I've always tended to walk away from those that have lied to me. Relationships in general require a degree of honesty. I'm not talking small or white lies but I have seen many friendships and relationships torn apart by lies including my own relationships. I would take the pain of an honest person over the pain of a dishonest person any day. -
scipio said on Jun 13, 2009....
If you lie once - you will have to invent 100 other lies to cover your first lie.Too much to remember.That' s why the saying - honesty is the best policy.Less complications and no headaches afterwards. -
alabamagirl said on Jun 13, 2009....
trav - my husband used to tell me the same thing! Theres a difference between lying and not telling! I always hated that. So I would ask a billion questions to try and find out the TRUTH that he was not telling. So time consuming! I'm glad we are a little older now, those "younger, immature" years were so hard!
super - I dont think I could be in any kind of friendship/relationship with someone I don't trust. It puts too much doubt in my mind, and doubt is destructive.
scipio- Your right, way too much work!
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superbozo said on Jun 13, 2009....
Some advice my dad gave me which has turned out to be true."It's hard to remember your lies. You'll always expose yourself in the longterm" -
bhalah said on Jun 13, 2009....
i remember i do a bit of act school, i know, it can sound stupid, but i give up, for many reasons, i dont think i can act, but the most i give up, was becouse i had the idea abaut act, was the art of lie, theres good actors, i know, dasent have to be a liers, but, you shoud be a good actor to lie, asweall, but ufter years, i discouber, the art of lie, belongs to the politics, and of course, husbands, frends, wifes, lovers, producers, writers, how else is a lier? -
travelr712 said on Jun 13, 2009....
well as always bama, it depends on the subject. if a woman asks her husband if he likes her hair, he better not say he doesn't, there's hell to pay. however, if he spends his whole paycheck on the lottery and has no money to pay the rent, he better tell her about it.everybody lies bhalah. everybody says things that they know is opposite of the facts of the situation. that is pretty much agreed by everyon to be wrong. but there's another scenario that enters into the discussion of truth. i have a class in ethics right now, and one of the points it brings out is about a debate between two opposing sides, both with valid arguments. for example, there was a long time debate about drilling for oil in the protected areas of alaska. one side said that america needs the oil. the other side said it would disrupt and probably distroy those areas like oil drilling has in the past. both sides have valid arguments. it can be said that both sides are right. so what is the 'right' thing to do? what is the 'truth' in that matter? those are the really difficult ones to figure out :-) -
bhalah said on Jun 13, 2009....
oh, very difficult, to much power, to belive in them lies, they think they have the truth. -
Hegemone said on Jun 13, 2009....
This is a very difficult thing to answer. There are so many different scenarios. Lying in general isn't OK, just sometimes it's excusable. I mean, there are so many things to lie about there is no way to decide what's OK and what's not, especially when each individual values things differently. -
alabamagirl said on Jun 15, 2009....
super - I believe also the truth eventually comes out, in most cases
bhalah - I think we all lie, to a certain point. Usually little "white lies." Such as , yes honey, ofcourse I remembered to mail that letter for you today! Or, ofcourse those shoes match. Less hassle, maybe or maybe it's just easier sometimes.
trav/hegemone - you both made me realize how well I don't "do" those gray areas. I'm strictly black and white, right or wrong, good or bad. If there's a gray area, it just completely confuses me! I just can't decide. Is it right, or is it wrong? Hmmm, both side have valid points! So much to take into consideration. I over-analyze everything! Too much coffee for me this morning!
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travelr712 said on Jun 15, 2009....
when both sides have a valid point, that's when ethical choices become interesting bama. -
lfbno7 said on Jun 16, 2009....
Sure it's sometimes ok to lie to someone. Depends on the someone and on the situation. So that's a yes. But is it okay to lie to a special someone, a romantic interest, a spouse, a close friend? It's never a good thing to do that. Could it ever be the lesser of two evils? Maybe. But it becomes a question of figuring out why you're lying, and dealing with that 'underlying' issue. Maybe the issue is that you're cheating. Maybe you need to be a swinging couple. Whatever's going on, deal with the reason you are tempted to lie. A relationship built on lies is a disgusting piece of shit.