My best girlfriend's boyfriend, my boyfriend's best friend, and my ex- best friend is all the same person. Let's call him Kurt.
Kurt is two years older than myself and a year older than my boyfriend. My boyfriend is pretty good friends with him [they used to be really close, but not as much anymore] and when him and I started dating, my bf introduced me to Kurt. Kurt and I hit it off right away. He thought my lyrics were the greatest thing he's ever read, basically, and I thought he was a pretty cool guy with interesting opinions.
Kurt and I became close friends. He was the closest friend I've ever had in my life, he may have even been closer to me at one point than my boyfriend was. I told him EVERYTHING. Nothing was spared. He told me everything also.
Somewhere in that period of time, images of him and I kissing would emerge in my brain. Of course, I yelled at myself NO I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND! because I do.
Kurt's girlfriend, let's call her... Juliet, was jealous of my closeness to him (which is slightly terrible because Juliet and i are best friends, but it's understandable) Kurt and I got into a few fights and I lost all trust in him.
It's odd that five or six months after not being close to him, barely talking to him, it still hurts. It's like trying to move on from a boyfriend, almost.
Last night, my feelings for Kurt were drug up again in my dreams. In my dream, my boyfriend started asking "what happened between you and Kurt?" I kept saying "nothing" but my boyfriend wouldn't believe me, so I ran out of the house, crying...
I hope my feelings for Kurt were, and are, and always will be, just feelings you have for a close friend. Hopefully I'm mistaking these feelings of friendship, of comfort, for something more. Hopefully.
After six months though.... i don't know. This is my darkest secret. My boyfriend knows that I previously had feelings, but I shouldn't still be having these feelings.
I've been trying to push this to the back of my mind, everytime my mind says YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM ! NOT FRIENDSHIP! I say NO , this isn't RIGHT ! It's just feelings you have for friends ! and push it away.
I feel terrible for keeping this from everyone... but I can't tell anyone. How do I tell my best friends? My best friend is Juliet, Kurt's girlfriend. My other best friend is my boyfriend.
This isn't right. I can't be feeling anything.
Freedom♥ posted on Jun 12, 2009
| views: 69
Comments
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Hegemone said on Jun 12, 2009....
Well, it's not right, but you are obviously feeling it or you wouldn't be fighting it so hard. Can you deal with swallowing it, or is it eventually going to turn into a big ugly mess and effect yours and your friends' lives? Are you positive there are romantic feelings though? I mean, you can truly suffer for a long while over the loss of friendship too, they're just as important. Just tread lightly here, whichever way you choose to go. I wish you the best of luck, it really is a tricky situation, just try to give everything a lot of thought and realize that running from it won't get you as far as you think. (((HUG))) -
superbozo said on Jun 13, 2009....
Hmmm....I have been in a similar situation. I like you stuck with my girlfriend at the time and broke all contact with the person I had similar feelings for. Though she was not dating a close friend of mine. Ultimately my relationship with my girlfriend ended. By then I had lost contact with the girl I had such a connection with as she had returned to switzerland in the mean time. Here I am 17 years later still wondering what happened to her and what might have been. I believe many today stick in relationships because they do not wish to hurt the person they are in a relationship with or are afraid of losing both their partner and the one they have feeling for and end up alone
If I could go back in time I would do things very differently with the benefit of the hindsight I now have. I think what I am saying is to have a long hard look at what it is that you really want. Is your current partner truely the one you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Or are you just afraid to upset your best friend and current boyfriend. Consider the fact that if you and Kurt got together and you never saw your current boyfriend and best friend again could you live with that of would you rather never see Kurt again if he split from your best friend and hit the road.
There are no easy answers for you here....Good luck.
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Edriisxe said on Jul 08, 2009....
First of all, you need to accept the fact that you have feelings for Kurt. The more you keep pushing it off, the more its just gonna wanna fight its way out, as you can obviously tell, it's happening to you now.Second, talk to an adult you know. Someone you can trust. If it's your parents, okay. Same applies for someone you isn't related to you. Just make sure that you can trust them to give you answers. DO NOT go to another teenager for answers. Most likely, they are dealing with the same problem, don't have experience, or won't give you great answers. The only way to mature in wisdom is to talk to someone who already has the experience and wisdom to give to you.Third, it's probably time to talk to your boyfriend about your feelings again. Yeah, he knows you had feelings for him, but you still do, and he doesn't know this. In a relationship, it's bad to hide things, especially to your partner. Stay calm and just tell him that you have something to tell him that you've been keeping, and you're tired on hiding it from him. And tell him. Don't just tell him without reassuring him first. Then, if he is understanding, he will try and help you without fuss. He might get a little worked up, and let him, but bring him back down.It might result to a break up or bringing the pace down. Which I think needs to happen, so that you can get a steady mind first. It's probably going to take longer because you are loving a guy while having feeling for another guy, so keeping up with both is tough. But take a break, and be as calm as you can without profanity and words like, "I don't care" or "i'm tired of this." It can bring the mood down to a more negative level.Take care of yourself. And try not to rush.
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