It seems more and more people are suffering from panic and anxiety attacks. I’m one of them. For the last two years, I have been constantly bombarded by anxiety attacks. For most of that time I could hardly leave the house-- didn’t even want to go check the mail. I have what’s called “mitral valve prolapse.” It causes a slight a slight murmer in my heart, is not life-threatening, but can cause an over-production of adrenalin. I could be just driving along-- happy, content, not bothered by anything-- then all of a sudden-- WHAM! I would become incredibly terrified. Many times, I had to pull off the road to collect myself. My heart would feel as though it were going to pound right through my chest. I though I was dying, and I was scared.
I went to the doctor several times. My blood pressure was slightly elevated, but nothing major was found. Okay-- so I’m dying and going CRAZY! A so-called “mild” sedative was prescribed, but I didn’t like how groggy I felt when I woke up out of the COMA it put me in. I don’t believe in taking medications unless there is no other treatment. I started feeling as though I was going to pass out, for no reason. My vision would get extremely blurry, and I could not get myself together. I gave up a demanding job in sales and took a job that didn’t require me to leave the office. The attacks began to happen more frequent. The not-so-demanding job I took actually turned out to be more demanding. It was getting harder and harder for me to keep my energy level up. This disorder is exhausting. As a result, I lost my job, but managed to pick up some part-time clerical work, from a doctor I used to work for fulltime, that I could do at home. I set out on a quest to find a natural remedy. Not having a fulltime salary anymore made it difficult, but I put every penny I could spare into buying whatever I thought might help me. I tried everything under the sun-- Kundalini yoga, a crate full of various vitamins and supplements, goji juice, noni, to name a few. I tried healing gemstones, color therapy eyeglasses, and a lot of prayer and meditation. I read every book about anxiety and panic disorder, and self-help in general, that I could find.
Well it’s been two years. I’m still not able to go back to work yet, but I am getting better. I discovered for me that taking 500-100 mg magnesium a day does help reduce over-production of adrenalin for those with mitral valve prolapse. The problem now is the old fear of possibly having an attack can be just as debilitating as the attack itself. I have started to go out more now. What I’ve found is that once I’m out, I actually feel pretty good. It’s the going “out” that is hard part. Also, smoking cigarettes doesn’t help. Anybody who, like me, is still dumb enough to smoke knows quitting is no easy thing. So, if anybody has any other reasonable and kind-hearted suggestion, I’d be interested. Thanks
P.S. I have to say that something good also came out of all this. I finished the screenplay that I started, eight years prior, and it is now in the hands of an entertainment agent in L.A. I also completed a second script, and am nearly finished with a third. I would never have finished these projects if I had not been attacked by panic. I could never find the time to work on my writing. So, when life gives you shit… Make shit-ade? NO! Scrape it off an keep going.
MagentaMoon posted on Sep 09, 2006
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Comments
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dailyachesandpains said on Sep 09, 2006....
I swear, you are me!
I have been dealing with panic/anxiety attacks for TEN years now! I've had abnormal EKG's come back, wore a Bramer heart monitor for 30 days and had echocardiograms. I have an extra beat, sometimes 2 every 13th beat. I'm still trying to figure that out.
I also very RARELY leave my house out of sheer terror. I have gotten worse over the past 4 years. My daughter was born with a CHD and had open heart surgery at 7 months of age. Talk about traumatic! I have nightmares of her surgery and freak out all the time.
Like you, I am also unable to work. I was also in sales and thrived on the excitement of closing a deal. However, I started to travel and forget it. I too, opted to work inside the office doing the same thing, pretty much, but had to start training others and that was a nightmare.
It has gotten so bad that I am 103 pounds, I'm tall so I look gross. I'm afraid to eat anything if I have to go out of my house, I may get sick. My heart also feels like it's going to blow out of my chest, but I physically get ill as well. It comes from left field for me too. Like you said, driving along and out of nowhere...a major freak out behind the wheel.
I am also a smoker. It sounds so stupid, but I am. I didn't start smoking until after I heard about my daughter's heart problem. I wish I never picked up that butt. I go through extreme measures to smoke. I go outside in a hooded robe over my clothes, take the robe off in the basement on my way back in, change my clothes that were under the robe, brush my teeth and wash my face and hands in the basement sink. I don't know why, but I feel like I calm down when I smoke...I don't know though.
Currently, I'm on 4 medications. Like you, I don't want to be on them unless there's no other way. For me, there's nothing else, after 10 years of trying everything, I'm sure of it. I know of the coma that you are speaking of, had a few of those myself. However, I have a VERY difficult time getting my brain to slow down before bed and I need to take them.
All I can do right now is go to counseling every other week and go to the meds doctor. It sounds so weird, and it is weird to me, but going to the doctor's is a so called safe thing. I've tried to trick myself into believing I'm going to the doctors, and head off somewhere else, it fails every single time. The tricks never work, you can never kid yourself.
I have a lot of other stuff that comes along with this debilitating disorder, not just what I spoke of. I'd be here all day if I wrote it all down!!! I just wanted to say that I know how you feel, exactly. There's more than one of you out there, sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one in the world that suffers with this.
I'm here for ya and rooting for you to beat this too! If you figure it out before I do, please let me know how to do it :-)
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MagentaMoon said on Sep 09, 2006....
Thanks dailyachesandpains! I finally realized that I was not dying, and I sure as hell was not crazy, but boy, it sure felt like it. But I kept reading, researching, and trying all sorts of herbs, homepathics, and vitamins and minerals. Like I said earlier, the magnesium does help. If it get really bad I take "Anxiety Relief" by NaturalCare; it's a homeopatic remedy made up of cell salts. I even tried a couple of Bach's Flower Essence. That stuff is over $15 a bottle, and it's said that you need several different ones in combination. I'm not sure I got any significant relief with the two I tried. I'll tell you though, one of the best authors I read and listened to (CD) is Louise Hay's (Hay House Publishing) "You Can Heal Your Life." She has a lot of great stuff out there. It's mostly concepts that we already know, but she has a beautiful way of expressing it, and at over 80 years old, she has one of the most soothing voices I've every heard.
Well, good luck to you to, and contact me anytime.
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dailyachesandpains said on Sep 10, 2006....
I still feel like I'm going to die!!!
I've got a question for you...Is it worse for you when it's EXTREMELY hot and humid out? It is for me and think I'm the only one that gets worse in the summer months. You'd never believe that I lived and Arizona a while back and was better with the anxiety, panic and depression while out there.
My Husband has been really great. He bought me some CD's and a book. Unfortunately, I was driving while listinging to what was to calm me down while driving in the car. Every single time the woman mentioned, anxiety or panic, I started to sweat more and more. I went up on a curb and popped a tire!!! It's worse when I hear people talking about it!!! I felt like such a reject calling my Husband to tell him what happened, but he understood. My Shrink suggested group therapy...uhhhh, no thanks! :-)
I've tried getting poked with needles, massage therapy (supposed to teach me to chill out) and those haven't worked. I have issues swallowing pills, even the ones I take daily. I just have a hard time getting the pills down my throat because I don't want to take them AT ALL. Sorry, I'm only Tom Cruise about it because I had a BAAAAD experience with Paxil that got me down to 98 pounds and I could barely hold up my body. Since then, medication and pills, in general, have been a wrestling match with me.
I will write down what you've tried and try it myself. I'm always hopeful, but I never expect anything. Sad, huh...
This will sound silly, but I'm glad I met a smoker with the same problem. I get bashed by the nons all the time, the reformed are the worst. They send me straight into an all out panic attack fight for my own life!!!
Thanks so much for your first post and your reply. I'm glad to know there's another out there like me, but sorry for you going through this too.
If you ever need to vent, feel free! Contact me anytime as well!
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MagentaMoon said on Sep 12, 2006....
To: dailyachesandpains
You know, I live in Florida. I usually wear my hair in a ponytail, because it's so humid here that I can't stand my hair getting stuck to my neck (Pluse I can walk from my door to the car, and any curls I my hair will have completely fallen out). I have hayfever/sinus problems really bad, and the humidity makes it worse. On days when my allergies are acting up are the days I tend to feel the worse. I used to take Claritin, Flonase and all that stuff, everyday. This was at the time when my panic attacks started getting worse. I didn't realize it was anxiety. I thought it had more to do with my allergies. So, to answer your question, the humidity makes it worse. Now, I only take the allergy med if it gets really bad. Barometric pressure is another thing that affects me. With all the tropical storms that come through, or even those nearby, it makes me dizzy and lightheaded. Those symptoms used to cause a high level of anxiety. It made me feel like I was, again, dying or going crazy.
What I'm finding is that every clue I uncover, helps me to better deal with the panic. Sometimes, thinking about some new clue will help me from going into a full-blown attack-- I'm able to calm myself down before it gets really bad. Also because of the blurred vision, sunlight bothers my eyes, and makes me more anxious. As a result, I started going to Wal-Mart at 5 a.m., to do my shopping, so that I could get back home before the sun rises completely.
But, guess what? Today I had an appointment to take my car in (my car was hit by a barrel of chicken wire, while parked, and needed to be repaired). That appointment was at 10 a.m. All last night, I worried about having to drive 5 miles from my house. I didn't know if I'd be able to do it. The sun would be bright (shades really don't help either), and I just didn't think I could do it. Well, this morning I said to myself, "I'm going-- if I pass out, totally loose my mind, or even die-- I have to try!" Well, I drove there and back. I had some anxiety-- no, scratch that-- I had the anticipation of anxiety, which is worse than the actual attack. I just can't take being held hostage by this condition anymore. I even went back out to pick up some lunch from a little Latin restaurant that I used to love, but had not been able to drive there, because of the anxiety, in quite some time. All that anticipation of something happening is the worst. But, I have found that if I repeat, "Nothing bad is happening to me right now," over and over, then it sort of registers that nothing bad is happening.
(Sorry to go on and on, but...) Another thing. I read, and review daily, a book entitled "The Science of Getting Rich." It was written 100 years ago by Wallace D. Wattles. It has become very popular as the copyright expired and everybody is reprinting it. (Stay with me, I really am going to make a point here). As I began to study Wattles' principles regarding wealth, the same principles could be applied to health. I would recommend that book as well. Amazon has it for about $8. You can go to www.thescienceofgettingrich.net and download it for free. Also, I discovered, Wattles wrote another book called (guess what?) The Science of Being Well. That is also available for free download at the www.thescienceofbeingwell.net. Wattles' principles are simple and, I believe, can be applied to anything in life. The Science of Getting Rich has helped me in a big way. It's been like building a house. Every book I've read/listened to has contributed to the building of the entire structure. Louise Hay helped me lay the foundation-- everything thereafter has added a brick. And that's what I'm doing, building my "house of total prosperity, including health, brick by brick.
Didn't mean to write a novel here, but if anything I've learned can help someone else, I will gladly share it. This disorder came close to destroying my life. While I'm not ready to jump back out there, I see improvements and progress daily. It has taken a lot of time to search for my own answers, and thankfully it's starting to pay off. I hope that you will begin to get some relief too.
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dailyachesandpains said on Sep 13, 2006....
Hi Magentamoon! What a day, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't share it with you. It's a long one, but I think you'll chuckle at the end.
Funny you should write about taking your car in...me too, today, I lost it, almost completely. I needed an inspection sticker on my car, I was ready to go to my usual gas station... if you ever find me at one. I was doing okay while driving there, pulled in just fine, but had to take out my registration, it was nowhere to be found! I found my old registration, but this wasn't going to do me any good and I went around to the back of my car to look at the sticker on my plate to confirm that my registration had expired back in MARCH of this year! Now, this means I can't get an inspection sticker and I'm driving my car illegally (expired plates) and I'm actually aware of it now! I called the insurance company to see if they could do it from their office, close to my house...of course. No, they couldn't because their system that connects them to the RMV was down, so I now have to add GOING to the RMV to my list of crap, but only after I go to the insurance company so they could print some stupid form out that I'll need at the registry. Well, I got lost because there was a detour, but I was in my own neighborhood, I even drove right past my house!!! I had to pull over and call my sister at work for her to mapquest me out of my location. I was crying and sweating (it's only in the 60's today) and it turned out that I was ONE street away from where I needed to be...DUH!
I got to the insurance company and the lady gave me the stammped piece of paper that I needed and also told me of all the horrible things that could have happened while driving my car for the past 6 months with expired plates. Tears were rolling down my face, you would think she would STOP telling me that I could have been arrested, car impounded and if I were in an accident I would have been screwed. No, she didn't. I grabbed the paper from her as she was going on and on and walked out the door, while she was still talking.
I'm driving to the registry which is only a few blocks from the insurance company, but I know that I'm going outside my mental mileage, farther away from my house but I was oddly starting to calm down a little. I was telling myself that this is a bad day, but other's have worse things in life and if this is the worst thing that could happen to me, I'm going to be okay. And I was almost proud of myself that I pulled out of the state I was in.
I got to the RMV, passed a state trooper in the parking lot and I was a little nervous as I was still driving the car when I shouldn't have been. I waited in line, thought I was going to have to vomit, but held back (gross, I know). Then I FINALLY get up to the lady that hands you a number and there's a HUGE sign that said they don't take debit cards. I just about had it. There's NO ATM in this place! I had to go back to my car, go to Walgreen's to use the ATM, and drive past the state trooper 2 more times. Thankfully, nothing happened with the state trooper, I would have been beyond panic...I think I would have killed myself if anything did happen. Waited AGAIN in line at the RMV with cash in hand, was called to the counter and had to pay an additional ten dollar fee for not doing my RMV business on line, and being late. I told the lady that I never got the notice in the mail like they always send. Well, she was kind enough to inform me 6 months after driving illegally that the RMV no longer sends notices, it's up to the driver to know when their plates expire. I'm glad I got the memo about them not sending reminders...I was actually enraged, forget panic at this point.
I went to the gas station, got the stupid sticker on my car and my Husband called me while he was taking his in for inspection during his lunch. His failed. These cars aren't old, his is actually newer than mine. The guy that did his said that he needs new tire rods and new brakes! Great...we just spent $2000 on both of our cars 2 weeks ago! So, now I'm livid.
I got home, picked up my mail (it's delivered in our door slot, love these old New England homes for that very reason). My back starts to spasm before I can sort through it. WONDERFUL. I went down on all fours to stretch it out and I noticed that a piece of mail had the state shield on it. Spasming and everything, I opened it up. I GOT JURY DUTY!!!!!!! Note to self...Call the doctor for a letter. It stinks because I really would like to be on a jury, but there's no way.
I have to reply to your post after I crash for a nap. I had to medicate. Please excuse any errors in my post for that very reason!!!
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MagentaMoon said on Sep 15, 2006....
Hi, Daily: It's funny you would mention expired tags. Two weeks ago my daughter got pulled over. She calls from her cell, "Mom, the policeman said your tag is expired." I cringe. My birthday was at the end of June. I remember getting the notice, probably in May. I stuck it in my little letter box when I got it, and never thought about it again. I jumped online, pulled up my info, purchased the sticker ($5 late fee), and printed out the confirmation to go in the car until the sticker arrived. She told the policeman that I was taking care of it as they were speaking, and he let her go. That was on a Thursday night, and Saturday afternoon the sticker arrived in the mail.
I'm sorry you had such an ordeal. The good thing is that you got through it. I say "BRAVO" to you for that! Now if I get a jury duty summons, I'm going to blame you for bringing it up. :-) I haven't been called for jury duty since 1995, when I was living in upstate NY. Out of four times, I always managed to wiggle out of it. I'm alway afraid I'll be sequestered for some insane length of time.
Well you keep hanging in there. I'm rooting for you and me both.