My personal level of forgiveness and mercy is equal to or slightly less than the concentration of caffeine in my body.
We usually find out the most interesting things about ourselves through adversity and trials and the other day was no different. My wife and I went to breakfast at the local hen house, a place we frequent maybe once a month due to the hard wood benches that they call seating arrangements. I was caffeine-less at the time, and ready for my morning three cup services to jump-start my usual kind and loving attitude towards life in general and other people when...
I discovered I was sitting in front of and behind two sets of parents. I say parents due to the fact that each had at least two children at each table. As a bit of divine justice, the "better" parents were behind my wife (in my field of view) while the hellions were behind my head... Shrieking... Throwing shit... Outbursts... Loud Noises!!
So being as I am without coffee and the server who is taking care of the table in front of and behind us was so kind as to set the pot in front of my cup, pick up our plates and then exit stage left without pouring a drop into my empty cup, I begin making direct, yet obnoxiously loud, statements about how people should beat their kids and so forth. This catches the attention -- of course -- of the people in front of me (the good people) and not the people behind me (the bad people). After a few more outbursts, one of the kids at the bad table finally gets hauled to the bathroom for an ass beating.
I say aloud, "Honey? Do you hear that?"
She replies back with her kind, yet "go fuck yourself" look, knowing that I'm saying this only to amuse myself and annoy others, "What do you hear, dear?"
I bemuse back, "Silence!"
So when the hellions finally leave and as the other table packs their shit to leave, I make it a point to say to the dad, "You have very well behaved children." To which he replies, "Yeah, right" under his breath. Oh, well. Parenthood is a wonderful thing to look forward to, I guess... My hair will either turn gray or fall out or both... Such is the progression of life.
And that's when it hit me. I was in a so much better mood. My three cups had saved me from being a sarcastic ass with the better parents, even though I'm sure I could have been much more evil. So now I seek mental refuge in the mornings with my coffee... And a donut... Which magically dropped my blood sugar from 340 to 171 yesterday... Mmm... Donut!
