I'm trying to figure something out.  What's the difference in my husband and I having to work now as opposed to when my dad was also working?  I mean, when he was working it did not at all matter that we had to work the next morning, he'd do what he wanted, when he wanted and be as loud as he wanted.  Then now that he's not working it's suddenly this huge deal that we have to work the next day.  Of course also he still values my husband and his having to work over my job and having to work.  The weekends are his all together and he acts like a baby if my husband has to work on a Saturday.  If he doesn't, well even if we've had a long work week and we want to go to bed early on a Friday night ... well screw off, we don't HAVE to get up early so therefore he can keep us up late.  I wish I knew the logic behind all of this, but then again ... maybe I don't.

Another bizarre thing about my dad, he talks to himself.  The thing is, it's not that little 'You idiot, what are you doing?!' thing that I'm sure most of us do ... it's all the time and he'll literally have a conversation with himself.  I heard him walking around tonight grumbling something or other.  All I for sure heard was 'Whatever, they can do whatever the fuck they want ....' and then I couldn't hear or understand it after that.  I'm pretty sure the 'they' he was referencing was myself and my husband as he seemed kind of grumpy when we got home and I was talking to him.  I imagine he was grumpy because he had to go out and buy his own damn dinner instead of us running for him.  I mean, we weren't planning to go out again and we had already been out earlier but of course that would have been the normal time when people eat dinner and he just couldn't have done that!  We always run for him, so what if we didn't just this once?  I didn't sign any contract that said we had to.  Back to him talking to himself ... I'm not even convinced that he's just taking to himself ... maybe he actually does hear voices.  I've never actually asked, and really, not knowing what sort of Pandora's box that could open ... I don't want to ask.

I also have to say, after having that talk with my husband this weekend has been quite preferable.  He's been acting like he used to, like I've been asking him to over and over for a long time now.  I don't know what kicked it in his head that he needs to actually try instead of flaking out on it.  Maybe it was me mentioning that I had finally realized that I really don't have to put up with it if I don't want to.  Maybe it was me telling him that I didn't want to waste any more of either of our lives if we weren't going to be happy overall.  Perhaps it was me telling him that I felt we were growing in two totally different directions instead of on the same path.  It could also have been that we talked about our sex life and the fact that I was not at all satisfied and it was not all up to me to fix it.  That's what I really hinged on ... I'm sick of just me fixing it, it's time that he stood up and did his part ... or else I wasn't going to stick around much longer to wait.  I think he could tell I was serious.  We talked about a lot of other things but I'm not going to go into all of the gory details.  It's good though, I'm enjoying it and I've made sure to tell him so.  I don't want him to feel as if his efforts are unnoticed, but I also told him that that doesn't mean he can quit ... just that I appreciate it and I want him to keep doing it.  I feel much closer to him, he's acting like he used to again and I love it.  We actually got intimate Friday and Saturday night and it was enjoyable both times, not just the same 'ol moves and not without me having to convince myself that I wanted to do it when I really didn't.  I wanted to both times.  Hell, I wanted to tonight but I know better since it's after 11 and we both have to work tomorrow.  No worries there, there's always tomorrow night when I know we'll get in bed a little earlier.

I enjoy Sundays that end like this, even if the rest of the day didn't go exactly as I wanted it.  I feel very peaceful right now, very thoughtful.  There are things I could stress over, but I just don't feel like it.  Also, the things I could stress over ... well, they don't amount to much.  There's nothing I can do about it now, I'll just have to wait until it comes up and deal with it then, so that's what I'm doing.  Also, in the spirit of being girly, I spritzed on a tiny bit of perfume before getting into bed.  It's nice smelling something on me other than soap and shampoo.  It makes me feel good.  What also makes me feel good is that today while we were at my friend's house giving her movies back I saw my reflection in her door (screen door, glass was up) and I look a lot trimmer than I used to.  I don't look like the gelatinous blob I sometimes feel like.  Do you think that the whole 'phantom limb' thing can happen with weight as well?  Sometimes I feel like the weight is all there but then I take a look and realize it's not.  One other thing that makes me feel good, I've eaten incredibly well this week so far.  Tonight I splurged on a half of a turkey club that was a little higher points than I needed, but I had the allowance for it and I enjoyed the hell out of it.  It was a 15 point sandwich, and I had 15 points left, so it wasn't the end of the world.  It's nice knowing these things and being able to smile about the fact that I'm doing well.

Yes, I'm doing just fine.