So I started this because I need somewhere to vent that is totally private.  I used to write in journals but they can be cumbersome and anyone who sees you writing in one automatically wants to read it because it seems that whatever you are writing is more "real".  And I think that is true to a certain extent.  Who wants to write down their thoughts for the entire world to see?  I suppose that I might take a moment to realize that this exactly what I am doing but for a few small details.  This is completely name-free.  By changing everything else and picking some weird username I found on the internet I can feel free to say what I cannot say anywhere else. 

I have to say that right now I am dealing with some pretty heavy stuff.  I am both happy and unhappy with my life right now and since I can talk to no one about it without them offering advice I think that this is the next best thing.  I don't really even care if anyone reads this or not, I am just looking for somewhere to vent and talk...(well, type). 

I have a grandmother who is currently on the brink.  She is in her 80s and has had several unpleasant medical conditions.  I have never really known her because she lives a distance aways and she is not close with my immediate family.  I used to see her when we used to hold family reunions but we don't do that anymore for some reason or another.  Anyways, she had a stroke and a heart attack on Thursday night and she was not expected to make it to Friday morning.  Well, its Saturday night and she is still here.  Not only is she still here but she woke up and is sipping water from a sponge.  She has not eaten since Thursday but she did want to some water.  The doctors say that it does not change anything and that she will still pass soon.  Who knows, they have been wrong about this twice now.  This is all sad for my grandmother (well, my great-grandmother) but I have to say that I am dissapointed with my grandmother. 

My grandmother made plans for the funeral already.  I was asked to be a pallbearer.  How wierd is that?  I was sort of offended that plans had been made for someone who has not passed yet.  That just seems wrong to me and is more than a little strange.  Am I wrong?  Is that a little creepy?  I just could not imagine if I did that to one of my parents in that situation and they found out that I had made plans to bury them before they were gone. 

That is the first thing.  The other stuff mostly has to do with work and other things but we will ge to those in good time.  If anyone reads this please let me know if I am off base with the whole funeral plan thing.  I just feel that its a little strange thats all.