so we had the talk today,........kinda,....via text,....
it was uncomfortable,.......for me atleast
i didnt really know what to say

its not that i dont love kyle, its not that i dont want to be with kyle, its not that everything in my body doesnt scream he is my soul mate,......but you cant make someone be with you, right?

i'm alittle saddened by the fact i feel like i've sat and waited the past two years on something i knew would never happen,......how could i have been so silly, and blinded by words that everyone around me were screamin were empty,......

i'm also scared to walk away from it,......i'm scared to let him go,......i'm scared of not always bein able to say to myself 'you'll hear from kyle soon and it'll be better'
i'm scared that someone will now have to take his place
i'm scared

i'm scared he'll let go of me too

but i'm also excited about the relationship that seems to be developing,.....
and while i hate he's out of town so much, i love that we are in constant contact, that i'm important to him, that he cant seem to get enough of me,......i love that,...i need that

he's considerate and kind
he makes me feel like nothing on earth matters but me
hes constantly makein me laugh and smile
he kisses me like he needs my lips as much as he needs air

he said this week that until me, he's been afraid that he is incapable of falling in love with another person,.......he says i've awaken a side of him that has been long dead, and he feared he never regain,......

it feels good,....
i'm sad
but it feels good