Let's begin at the end of the first movie, because let's face it, the first movie just simply rocked. It was a sci-fi horror flick that starred Arnold. 'Nuff said.

So let's re-write the new sequel for the progressives, because hey, any movie series that uses temporal distortions or alternate time lines or time travel in general deserves to be fucked all to hell by the likes of the progressive movement. We'll call it "Terminator 1 1/2"

Sarah Conner decides that she doesn't want to have the baby she is carrying. She's on the run all the time, can't hold down a job and otherwise can't afford all the hassle. She no longer has any family that can help her out, and without staying put in one place, she can't receive welfare checks from the government. She goes to Mexico, smokes a little doobage and finally comes to the conclusion that she knows how to end all of this shit, she'll just get an abortion! Hey, it's not her responsibility to save the whole fucking world, right? So the next scene is her walking into an abortion mill, filling out all of the paperwork and the next is the doctor pulling out the termed baby and shoving a spike through it's head in the same manner as the T-1000 would brandish a stabbing weapon. Cue the title credits...

So a year or two goes by and she has now learned all of the fighting skills that she picked up down in Mexico and has been knocked up a few times by some hombres who are drug runners, but because she can't support a child in such a hostile environment where Americans are perceived by her to be totally racist against mixed marriages between whites and latinos, she has a few more abortions and after feeling so guilty she goes to a Spanish Catholic church and cries in the confession booth. The priest turns out to be a T-800 who goes after her and does a ton of property damage and explosions, but Sarah gets away. The sub-moral of the story being : Your abortion never stopped Judgement Day, nor did it stop Skynet, so obviously you're going to have John Connor at some point in the future... Oh, and religion is bad.

Sarah finally sets a nifty trap with her south-of-the-border pals to capture a vocal part of the pursuing T-800 terminator. In the resulting fight, all of her latino boyfriends die, but she is able to interrogate the T-800 and extract the information about Miles Dyson and those who created Skynet. At this point, Sarah believes that she can get rid of Skynet without hoisting a child around, and being built like a brick shit house and being all military trained, she goes around and kills Miles Dyson, his children and somehow spares his wife. She kills a few other co-creators through car bombs and the like. After the coast clears, Sarah returns to take pity on Dyson's wife and the two have a steamy lesbian scene, because it is revealed that all the while, Dyson's wife was a closet lesbian that hated men anyway. The sub-moral of this scene is that gay marriage has been around forever, it's the same sex thing that everybody's up in arms about... Lesbian sex is okay... Oh, and anything with a dick should be hated like a terminator.

Sadly enough, during her sexual experimentation, somebody steals the remaining T-800 parts that were interrogated (nobody was left to guard the damn thing) and eventually a corporation takes up the task of following in Dyson's footsteps.

Then after about eight weeks or so, Dyson's wife and Sarah break up -- Dyson's wife admits that she was a bi-sexual nymphomaniac that simply used Sarah because she was mentally distrot over her husband's violent death. Since there is no more gay marriage, they didn't have to get divorced. Sarah goes out and gets drunk, takes a black man back to her place and by morning discovers she's knocked up again. Since this fellow has come and gone by morning without a name or a phone number, Sarah is once again "forced" to get another abortion, knowing that if she doesn't the evil Christians will single her out as a harlet because she gave birth to a half-black child.

On her way out of the abortion mill, she sees an advertisement for a mini D-1 that the new company has designed as a toy for young children. She immediately realizes that she is once again in danger, because Skynet was not stopped. She tries to reconnect with her past lesbian lover a few days later by getting a job at Goldman Sachs, but then one evening after work gets the shit kicked out of her by her day trading co-workers. The sub-moral of this scene is that capitalism is bad!

So for the final scene, her son John sends a terminator back from the future. It kidnaps her and takes her to Russia where "she'll be safe" and begs her to have a kid (to secure John's existence). After some months the terminator and her get close and Arnold throws her the dick. Once a few months go by, because Sarah resents the terminator so much, he has her kill him (because he can't "self-terminate" like a damn man should). As she leaves the foundary her cell phone rings and it's Dyson's wife, her former lover... Or is it?

Cue end credits...