So i get a day off during the week. Princess is at Nans for the night and daddy can watch State of Origin. So like all good blokes he heads for the pub. Why not, no work to get up to next day. Time to be a bloke and drink booze and yell things at a bunch of blokes running around a football field. Observed by me through the modern marvel that is television. Why do this in the comfort of your own home. Why not share this with everybody. So I did.
The little local bar that was the sceen of thuggery over the pool table seemed like the perfect place. They had spared no expence on trying to get the State of Origin football crowd in. They had hired a spare plasma. I was disappointed to find that my hidden corner of the bar was taken so I settled for the end of the bar. There was a fair crowd in and most seemed like they had been there for days. The national anthem was sung. The game was on. I yelled and screamed at the screen and told people to "shut the fuck up" and had a wonderfully blokey time. In fact I realised I was having a wonderful time all by myself. Time to find someone to share it with. Do I pick 'em?
We had shared brief moments of eye contact when I was sober.....now half drunk I couldn't be bothered to look at anyone else but her. It seemed she was getting too drunk to bother looking at anyone else too. So with the subtlety of a trout slap. I sauntered over and uttered the magical words "G'Day" she replied so things were working out well. Right at the end of the game just as Queensland scored a last minute try. We hugged and that led to one of those stumble around the place drunken full on kisses. I needed another drink. She needed another kiss. I signed my drink desire to the bar chick and she served while I pashed this complete stranger. A couple of drinks later her friends said goodbye. She grabbed my hand "Come on then"
Was I about to get lucky? Did I want to get lucky? **focuses real hard** How long had it been since I was lucky? **focuses harder on the boob area** How drunk am I? **focuses on face/head area** Which street are we walking down? When did we leave the pub? **tries to be passionate and cool while toungue is forced down my throat again**
Are we there yet?
We stumble inside. I'm dragged to a room at the side. The brightness of the light hurts my eyes. She adjusts the dimmer switch. Goes to the bathroom. I sit on the bed. She comes out of the bathroom and I go in. I walk back into the bedroom "where have your clothes gone?" I start giggling as she pounces. "where have my clothes gone?"
**lying back...eyes hurt and closed...head throbbing....opens eyes**
Why is my ceiling pink? Is that a picture of a boyband on the wall?
**wipes drool from side of face**
Is that justin timberlake?
**feels movement beside me**
sees naked shoulders......naked back......naked butt....the rear veiw is all good.
An alarm goes off in my mind. I sit up. Pink ceiling......pop star posters......cuddly toys....OMG....how old is this chick.
My sitting up has woken her up. **Checks face for fine lines.....none**
"ohhh is that for me?" she says and reaches.
Damn morning glory....tries to hide it.
"Whats the matter?"
I look at her nerveously. How old? She was in a pub....soooo. Didn't I ask? **thinks** There was nothing for it. "How old are you?"
She giggled...."not again you got panicky last night too.....I'm 21 remember"
No I didn't remember......"You know how old I am right?"
"Yes your 41" Just a few years younger than her mum and dad it turned out over breakfast. Yes it was her parents house.
"Now is that for me or not"
I didn't intend on meeting anyone. Now I've met a very nice young girl and her parents. I'm so glad that I'm twice the size of her dad. I've had 10 texts from her already telling me how great I am. She wants to go out tomorrow night. OMG....whats happening. Why is it I always seem to attract girls in their 20s. I sit here thinking noooooo. I mean I want to meet someone as this night is a sure sign that I need someone (well it is to me) but I never seem to meet girls more my age. When I do.....nothing happens. They mother me and want to love me as a friend. (you know the love you like a brother speech)
Only girls half my age are stupid enough to date me. It's always the same too. Go out meet and your dating. No getting to know someone. Not even a discussion on wheather your dating or not, it's just sort of implied and I find myself going along with it. Here is a beautiful young girl who knows nothing about me except that I'm an unemployed carpenter, single dad who is the same age as her mum, and she is texting me like we are in highschool. You know the.....what are you doing now?.......Do you miss me?.....kinda texts.
Now I have to tell her the bad news. It can go one of 2 ways. She'll either just shrug and wonder why I thought it was serious and not just sex. Or she'll be really hurt......Fatal Attraction kinda hurt. With all the tears and mental behaviour.
I shoulda stayed at home.
