• pusscat said on May 30, 2009....

  Hello darling.  Right now, I wish that sweet_rose was here like she used to be as she would know exactly what to say.  She always 'told it as she saw it' and I loved her for that.
  
  The thing is a Dom can NOT just do what he pleases when he pleases.  He has a great responsibility to his sub.  If a sub is unhappy and totally unaware of what her role is then how can she possibly be the best sub she can be for him?  If a sub cannot be the best she can be then he is the one in the end that will lose out.  A Dom that has a happy, contented sub has a sub that serves him to the best of her ability and that should please him greatly.  You cannot do that right now if you have no idea what is expected of you.  He is showing you no respect at all here.  He is the one that should be setting rules and then sticking to them.  If my Sir said, "I'll see you tonight" then he spent that night elsewhere, I would most definitely confront him about it.  You can still do it in a respectful way.  Say to him that you would like a convenient time set aside to discuss the issues that are confusing you and making unhappy.
  
  I would like for you madison to visit this site 
  http://www.seekers.org.uk/sub.htm
  
  I learned so much from here.  There are marvellous articles written by Doms and subs and you will learn how a Dom should be treating his sub with respect.  How can he disrespect someone who is offering herself, her heart, her soul and the greatest thing of all, her complete submission.  He is beginning to treat you as a doormat that will always be there for him no matter what.  If you were to tell him how you feel that is NOT topping from the bottom darling, not at all. 
  
  In all honesty, I cannot actually one good, reasonable reason that he actually needs to see the other sub at all without you.  As a play partner for the both of you I understand but why should he stay numerous times with her without coming home to you as promised.  If a Dom breaks his word on several occasions, I'm afraid I could not trust him enough to give him my trust and submission.
  
  I hope you can talk this out with him hun.  You must respect yourself enough to get concrete answers from him. 
  

• madisonluvsex said on May 30, 2009....

  Thanks PC, but if i implied that He was "supposed" to be home i didn't mean to.  He was not "supposed" to be anywhere in particular but it's unusual for me not to hear from him and his call was discouraging.  But He was just busy and was very nice and apologized when He got home.  The most difficult part of understanding our relationship is that it is over 20 years old but the D/s thing is very very new.  We're working out all sorts of things right now and the D/s is just one of them. 

• pusscat said on May 31, 2009....

  Hi there.   I totally understand about the fact that it wasn't a given promise that he would be there but he is still leaving you very confused.  I think the fact that it is such a new part of your relationship means that he needs to work that bit harder in establishing things with you.  There is so much he needs to learn about you.  What your desires are, your fantasies, your needs and your limits.  It just seems a little strange to me I guess that a new Dom is spending so much time with another woman who doesn't particularly know how to submit.  Yes, she sounds like she likes the BDSM kink/sex side of things, rather more as a bottom than a sub.  You are trying to offer him your total submission and he is missing out on so much.  I want this to work for his sake as well as yours as I can see how dear he is to you.  You love him very much :-)
  
  If each time he leaves you confused and floundering but apologises, is he actually learning anything?  If it were to happen over and over again but so long as he apologises he get's away with it, is it right?  How will your heart and mind begin to suffer?  Him having a submissive does not mean he can leave her dangling but have her there for whenever he is ready to play.  That is not how D/s works.  Both partners have to be content and sure of each other and what their roles are or the confusion will just grow.  Still try to have that conversation with him and just let him know how it leaves you feeling confused.  If he were my Dom I would not actually put up with him staying with L all those times.  Why can he not do with you what he is doing with L?  With you he gets the whole package - the kink, sex and a wonderful adoring submissive :-)
  
  I don't like to nag or sound harsh but I am a little confused myself as to what he is looking for in a D/s relationship.  It is not so men have carte blanch to go round screwing any women.  It is to establish a great bond with their sub.
  
  Be well hun.
  

• Mascon said on May 31, 2009....

  Very simply madisonluvsex, if the relationship isn't working for your needs then you have every right to express your opinions. Topping from the bottom, and other phrases like it to me seem to be bitter expressions from people who cannot communicate clearly enough to make sure an arrangement is working for both parties. It is a way of trying to reflect their own failures as a dom back to the sub. A good dom is sure that his sub's needs are met and assures that his dominance of her completely fulfills and consumes her in every way.
  
  No matter what the circumstances ALL relationships are relationships between two or more people and if any of them are not having their needs met they will either change that or the relationship will end. Except for those people who may just take abuse because they feel it is all they are deserving of.
  
  In my experience there is no value in being a dom to a doormat, I find the mind and spirit of my sub to be the most precious part of their submisiion to me. I would rather that the woman I am the owner of is possessed by me because she is so proud of the man I am that she gives all of herself to my care and use. In return I hope to cherish her submission through the complete dominance of her body and mind. She completes me as I complete her, neither whole without the other.
  
  You may ask any question of me any time you like. I only hope my thoughts can help.
  
  

• madisonluvsex said on Jun 10, 2009....

  Thank you for your support - we're back on track and continuing to grow and learn from each other.  i feel very appreciated and loved right now. and feeling more secure about being loved too.

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