Last night I did a lot of thinking, and I cannot believe it was reality tv that led me to think about what I thought about. but relationships are a funny thing, and I don't know if the relationships we see on reality tv are all authentic BUT still watching forced me to think about relationships in general.

First, why would you want to be on reality tv? is it narcissism or fame? is it to document your life, your children as they grow up (like Jon + Kate at the beginning of their show on TLC) OR is it something that you do because you are given the opportunity. I'm sure there are a combination of reasons. LIke in the case of Jon + Kate, we don't know the truth of the reality. I have tuned in to watch their beautiful kids, that's it. It's sometimes a joy to watch those kids. But the media attention on Jon + Kate's relationship has changed the entire dynamic of the program. Last night's big season opener was more about them addressing the gossip and leaving us wondering what is to come of them. I've read comments on their message board and, let's just say they're not all that nice. You see what happens when you give people permission to watch your life on tv? The public scrutiny and paparazzi just blows it up and I dunno what the REAL reason for Jon + Kate being now distant. Is it just because they did the show? Certainly life would have been dramatically different had they not done the show, or had they done only a couple seasons while their reason was to document the kids growing up. Now, I'm one of those crazy people that supports Kate, but I also support JOn at the same time because they are both in this together. Jon spoke of choices, Kate seemed regretful, they both are different. What exactly went wrong we'll never know. But I hope they do what they can to repair their relationship for the kids. They deserve it.

Now that I completely went a little off-topic, let me try and get back in it. what i mean by same story, sane person, different reason. I feel like I'm just one of those individuals that has the same story to tell. I, just like every other person on the face of this planet, yearn to be with someone. Nobody wants to be alone, some may choose to be alone, others are alone but not out of choice. I'm alone because that is the reality of my life. I'm not aggressive and I don't ask out guys I like. The few times I stepped out of that box and did pursue the guy, certainly nothing came of it. It's not that I've given up pursuing a guy, I guess it's more like once I find one that I like that is ACTUALLY SINGLE, then I'll ask him out. So the same story part I think seems apparent. I am a sane person; I know I'm not crazy. I generally do okay for myself in the real world, especially when forced and have to do it or else. I tend to like to live a low stress life, my history has been high stress. When I get into something, like a job, I go ALL IN and focus all my attention and energy into that one thing, I'm not a juggler. But this makes it difficult to make life more complete. Something always hits the floor.

What did I mean by different reason? weLL, it used to be that maybe no guy really ever asked me out because of my reluctance to talk to guys and get interested due to past expereinces of being bullied and the trust issues that come out of that. the walls that one builds up and makes impossible for some to break down. It's cyclical. I would knock down my wall occasionally and people would prove to me again why I NEED that wall. so the reason used to be trust. BUT NOW, I cannot say that's the reason. NOW I just need to find someone, he doesn't have to be the one (but who knows) and the reason why the reason is different is because each guy that I get interested in I end up finding out (or already know) that he is in a relationship. My saying, which isn't really mine, is the good ones are already taken. It's true in my experience. I'm not saying all single guys are the bad ones, but maybe they just are not ready for an adult relationship and want to keep up their teenagerous relations.

So...same story (we all want someone to live our lives with...pretty much), sane person (I'm not single because I'm a lunatic; I'm a great catch And I'm not cocky about it), different reason (cannot seem to find SINGLE guy I'm into).

Now maybe this is reality World Wide Web. Reality internet.

UPDATE: Check out this hot of the presses!