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stevegames1@yahoo.comIt's Sunday here and now and thoughts of religion invade my space as they inevitably do every week about this time. Being a writer, I'm thinking of a new approach to this. A new look at some old fables. We haven't yet really tapped into...
The Untold Tales Of Jesus Christ
Jesus had to take it like a man for the first 3 decades of life, so let's get him out into the real world...
Jesus was, most likely, someone else. Notice the long gap between his legendary birth and his preachings. There’s a good chance that an opportunistic fugitive took advantage of the folklore about the mysterious birth of a “Jesus Christ” who there’s never been a sign of, and performed a classic identity theft. Such a con man would be adept at “turning water into wine,” as they say. What ifJesus meets another Jesus?
Jesus is everywhere. And just like anyone else who’s always in our faces, he’s wearing thin. Oh yeah, there are certain people I just can’t get enough of. But Jesus is not one of them. He, along with Oprah, American Idol and warnings about switching to TV converter boxes before June 12 can take a long, extended vacation. Let's look at those upon whose nerves Jesus was grating.
Jesus was a know-it-all. Imagine trying to have a conversation to persuade Jesus! Did people take great delight in showing Jesus up in their own areas of expertise? “Great speech, Mr. Christ, but can you toss a boomerang to come back to ya like this?”
Jesus got laid a lot. You know he did. Come on! He’s Jesus! Twenty-something, hot middle eastern nights, Jewish chicks and their “you have a beautiful cock” routine, I mean please! There’s every chance that by the time he reached crucifixion he was squirming with a number of social diseases, and may have fathered some offspring. There's no shortage of sex in this religion vehicle.
Jesus got beat up a lot. Some people can’t take being preached at. Before he was killed and came back as the Son of God 100 years later in legend and fable, he was just a guy with a cult following to the rest of the world. A Robin Hood with his Merry Men. So he got crafty about avoiding hostile strangers. Jesus was a fast-talkin' smoothie.
Jesus asked for money. You know he had to. He was a wandering preacher! Sure he had some savings from working the wood, but not enough to go full time on the road. “If you were inspired by what you’ve heard today, please help allow the good news to be spread tomorrow. Donations of 1 to 20 dinars are considered helpful.”
Jesus was not popular enough to be rescued. Just as a death row inmate today will be killed if the law allows it, no outlaws stepped in to rescue Jesus Christ! No movement sprang up to block the crucifixion! Sounds like skepticism toward his ultimate “I am the son of God” story. Why wasn’t God getting him out of this? When would that happen?
So I'm thinking, this would make a good movie or even a TV series, filling in those "Dawson's Creek" and "Melrose Place" years of "Our Savior."
If it works we could have a spinoff called:
Mohammed Looked Like This ]: c(/\)>
I love religion.
- OO -
