that's what he asked me tonight.
by the end of the conversation (through instant message) i was doubled over in tears.
frankly, i'm sick of my tears, i'm sure you are too.
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he never knew the truth, i typed away as if i had nary a care of him in the world.
the ladybugs are something symbolic from the movie "under the tuscan sun"
that symbolism had carried over into our relationship. ladybugs were our symbol.
have you found your ladybugs yet?
that's what he asked me tonight.
i shook my head sadly at the monitor as i wiped at my tears. good thing i DON'T have a web cam.
he talked about our holiday, the one that we had made up for ourselves...fucker, i had forgotten. i had truly forgotten.
he described to me what my face was doing in response to what he was saying. (without seeing me) and he was right. he remembers my expressions. dammit. he's not supposed to remember...or care.
he chose to leave my nuances behind. WHY does he still remember? :(
deep down i know why.
i know why. he knows why.
and now, he will only ever hold the title of the guy that wasn't.
and i know why. and he knows why.
and it's all just a damn shame.
