Main Entry:
con·fron·ta·tion
Pronunciation:
\ˌkän-(ˌ)frən-ˈtā-shən\
Function:
noun
Date:
1632
: the act of confronting : the state of being confronted: as a: a face-to-face meeting b: the clashing of forces or ideas : conflict c: comparison <the flashbacks bring into meaningful confrontation present and past, near and far — R. J. Clements>
My husband didn’t feel well last night, nothing serious, just a stomach upset, but because he suffers from heart disease we can never be sure of the seriousness of “not feeling too good.”
So we took it easy, he watched tv and I watched him. About 12:30 he was feeling fine but tired so we went to bed. During the night we were awakened by a thumping sound.
It was 3am. A car with those horrible sub-woofers, maybe? No, it was coming from the wall behind our bed.
We share this wall with the townhouse next door where a 41 year old single guy moved in about 2 months ago. He has a great sound system and listens to classic rock, our favorite music. But he put his stereo against the wall behind my sofa and the wall vibrated and thumped when he turned the music on.
We saw him a couple of days later, introduced ourselves, made polite small talk, blah blah, and mentioned the music. He was so upset, so apologetic…my goodness, you’d think we attacked him! Anyhow, he moved the stereo across the room and that was the end of that.
So we assumed the thumping was coming from his house. Did he move the stereo back against the connecting wall? I doubt it; he doesn’t strike me as the vindictive sort.
We were in a quandary this morning as to how to handle this because we didn’t want him to think we’re old farts who do nothing but complain when, in reality, we’re just old farts who need our sleep.
My husband saw him come out to start his car ( a very cool ’77 ‘Vette) and went outside to talk to him about the music. Now, my husband is the least confrontational person alive, if you consider all confrontations to be anger induced exchanges, which they’re not but I’ll get to that.
The poor guy! Husband said he reacted like a little kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “It wasn’t me!” he insisted, which is ridiculous because it had to be him.
Anyhow, it all ended well and I’m sure we won’t be hearing the thumping anymore.
My point is this: I didn’t think this was a confrontation, but my poor neighbor seems to think so and he is, apparently, afraid of confrontation. Why?
If, in fact, the music came from an outside source, then he was right. So what was he afraid of? If you hear that someone said something untrue about you, or wronged you in some way, why would you be afraid to question them about it?
What I mean is if you know you’re right 100%, what difference should it make to you what the other person thinks of you?
I worked with a butcher who complained bitterly and constantly that no one worked as hard as he did, that he had to do everything himself, you know the type…a real martyr. But he complained only when I was in the room. One day I couldn’t listen to him anymore, I was sick of it. When the 4 other guys walked into the meat room I asked Nate, the martyr, to shut the saw off. “Now, Nate, tell the guys what you’ve been telling me everyday day for the last few weeks.”
“What? You don’t know what you’re talking about! Shut up!”
“Nope. Tell Gene and Curt and Sean and Mike why you’re unhappy with their work and settle it right now because complaining to me isn’t gonna change anything at all.”
“She’s crazy! I tell everybody what I think of them! I don’t talk about anyone, I’ll tell you to your face!”
I won’t go into detail about what I told him (it involved his lack of private parts), but I never heard another word from Nate about our co-workers, and each of them thanked me for clearing the air.
That’s not confrontation, but Nate was afraid of it. Why? I wasn’t afraid of it because I was right, he was wrong.
Road rage is scary confrontation…even I’m afraid of that so I don’t get involved in it. But gossip, bitching, back-stabbing, pettiness, whining, office politics…all that crap, that’s not confrontation, there’s nothing to be afraid of as long as you’re right. If you don’t participate in it but still find yourself involved in it, say something. Ask questions. “Why would you say that about me, or him, or her, or them? What do you think I did? Are you sure you have your facts straight, because I don’t think you do.”
It’s a good feeling to know you can stand up for yourself or someone else without fear. Just be sure you’re right.
