Have you ever heard that Paramore song? The one that sings in the chorus "That's what you get when you let your heart win". There is a sentence in that song that really feels like it fits with me right now. "If I ever start to think straight this heart will start a riot in me." I love how just one part of a song can seem to have so much to do with you and your situation. (When Steven and I broke up I listened to Taylor Swift's Breathe over and over again, especially where it says "I can't breathe without you but I have to.") It is no secret that I am horrible with relationships. I can't pin a reason on why. My job has always come first. I have worked there since I first got my license and it has always taken presidence. Steven hated that about me. It drove him crazy that I would go in no matter what was planned and I would have rather been there then with him. My friends are important too. I pick them over any boy (excluding the one time with my best friend and Steven). I also like to be alone. To write and read and draw in what took place that day. But the real reason I think I suck at relationships is because I don't know how to be with someone or to let them in. Fear crushes every relationship I have. I am afraid to fall for someone else. I am afraid to let them fall for me. How do I know what their intentions are? Do they like me for me or are they only after that one thing? I don't want to be that girl in that song. I don't want to let my heart win because I know in the end it will hurt.