Many SC friends who followed my blog had noted an unmistakeable change of mood in my writings last year 2008, from April to August. It was this time too, when my werewolf persona declared himself virtually dead. This was followed by my abrupt disappearance and rare postings from September to December.
I have never explained, at least not directly and completely, what caused this drastic change in my blogging pattern. What my SC friends simply noticed was the dark mood of melancholy and heartbreak, despite flimsy attempts at humor and fantasy, that cloaked my blogs.
Yes, I did mention one obvious factor in these changes – my mother’s passing away in June. But that wasn’t really a big cause, and I handled my grief rather well I think, as reflected in my two blogs during that time. The bigger reasons remained unsaid, cooped up and simmering inside me, during all those months.
Now here’s the interesting twist.
During those months of my lowest emotional ebbs, especially from July to September, my SC friends unexpectedly came in to rescue me – by checking on me, cheering me up, sometimes using some silly alibi to just say “Hi!” through PM’s, or by posting short comments on my old blogs. A few of them stumbled onto my two alts.
It’s so funny, looking back now, that these dear friends never prodded me to blurt out what was pulling me down. They were too smart and thoughtful; they knew likely that I won’t tell them anyway. It was enough for them that I gave a reply, that I was coping or trying my best to cope.
It’s so funny, because despite my reticence, they seemed to understand at some deeper level that I was nursing a badly broken heart, which must be touched oh so gently, if at all.
Despite my self-imposed barriers of distrust and emotional shields, a number of dear friends broke through nevertheless (some, through sheer doggedness, I must say!). They got me to exchange emails, some even becoming friends at FB. I imagined them wanting to grab my arm more tightly, as if I was a confused child about to run away or fall into a river!
I loved the feeling, I must admit. It was they who inspired me to carry on through my dark months of 2008. It was their continuing presence at SC that convinced me to return to active blogging early this year.
You know who you are, my friends. I need not mention your names here.
Again, it’s so funny, because I’ve never had the chance to properly thank you for the immeasurable support and warm friendship you’ve given me. So I’m doing it now, here on my blog but naming no names, and also on PM if you wish. I hope I’m strong enough to offer the same helping hand and soothing words if ever it’s your turn to fall into some emotional blackhole.
In many ways, then, I write this as final closure to a bitter chapter that often still besets my thoughts until now. At the same time, it is a new beginning. I have found new reasons – new and refreshed friends, actually – not only to return to more active blogging, but to open my heart, mind, and soul anew to the freshness of life everywhere.
Among these friends of my dark months, there is one special friend. She has taught me some very important lessons in love and life in general. Despite my initial doubts as to her motives, she and I made a gradual reconnection, through SC, email, long chats, and elsewhere.
To my special friend, I say, I’m sorry for some false starts, but now I’m so glad I met you here. Now you and I can really start a new beginning, and write new chapters to explore new paths, wherever it may lead both of us.
It’s so nice to be back among good friends. Again, with all my heart, thank you.
