Again we had to make up.  Sometimes I wonder why I let myself get so depressed like this and it's so easy for me to say I can snap right out of it but the truth is...I don't think I ever will.  I told Kim today that I want the family to get counseling and she agreed so after I finish writing this blog that's what I'm going to search for.

I'd like to say I've never been in therapy before but that's not necessarily the case.  I've been to five sessions if you include that one time in rehab.  It was all while I was at private school (college) and I had one of those moments in my life where I was scared shitless of what was going to happen to me.  I was severely depressed to the point of hurting myself and in turn hurting the people around me.  I lost a lot of friendships and relationships because of that.  I was sent to see a therapist against my own will.  The first session was fine I guess so I went for a second one.  That one went so well I didn't really need to go again if I decided not to.  So I decided not to.  In my third year things started happening again and it wasn't so much the depression but my wild lifestyle.  I drank too much.  My best friend was a vodka bottle.  Sent to therapy again because I threatened to kill myself one day.  Two more sessions.  Then I quit.

I was sent to rehab after a drug overdose.  I spent four days in there then after another therapy session, I was released.  Now I'm forcing myself to go again so that now, as I'm living my new life, I don't recoil back to my old life.  Is this really a wise decision?  Will this actually work or am I destined again to living a miserable life?