• Hegemone said on May 08, 2009....

  Well CW, I haven't got any experience with this myself, but I subscribe to the belief that there is a good reason that you haven't had children and I'm willing to bet it's not because of anything you've done, or would've done or will do.  You can't dwell on it without really knowing, but it is understandable to stay upset over it.  I just hope that in time maybe you can find some answers that you believe and maybe will be able to make some peace with the direction this part of your life has taken.  (((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))))

• MissMimi said on May 08, 2009....

  I don't know why either, CDub.  But I do know this -- there is no doubt in my mind that you would have been a good and loving mother.  I'm sorry this is such a burden for you, and I wish you had someone with whom you could share the pain of it. {{{hugs}}}

• secretlife said on May 08, 2009....

  i don't if i've told you this story or not.
  if i have, forgive me for repeating it.
   
  where there's a will, there's a way.  i truly believe this.
  if you really and truly wanted a child CW, you would find the way- nothing would stop you.  nobody or no circumstance. 
   
   
  i have a very good friend.  i met her at work 25 years ago.  she and i and a black fellow who we've lost touch with a while ago were chosen out of a group of 100 people to go to a 4 month computer programming class back in 1984 - in Dallas Texas.
   
  It was pretty scary.  I'd only been married a couple months, and the company was offering this as a way to be promoted-  but you had to be away from home for that period of time....
   
  anyway, when i met shar,  i was afraid.  you see, she kind of looks like a man. 
   
  i didn't know any lesbians up until her.
   
  so it was the black guy, the butch lesbian, and the blonde white girl.......kinda like the new "mod squad" who left for Texas together........
   
  on that trip, the 3 of us built a very strong bond.  we were the only ones from jersey, we were the only ones who weren't field technicians programming large switches--  we were the only ones who didn't have 20 years service with the company....
   
  we ate together, we studied every night together, we helped each other with projects-  on the weekends we went to clubs or to the pool and hung out with each other.
   
  i learned alot about sharon as a person.  not about sharon as a lesbian.
   
  fast forward 18 years.
   
  sharon turns 49.  we've worked in similar jobs, never lost touch, even worked in the same district several times over the years.
  she had been living with a partner of 10 years.
  the woman was 10 years older than shar....had 3 grown sons.
  they had bought a home together a few years before.
   
  there was only one "bump" in the relationship.
  sharon wanted a child.
   
  they went to see a shrink about it together....to try to work thru it.
  finally after 2 more years, the two decide to split up.
   
  shar's partner told her that if she really wanted a baby, that she would move out.  and she was true to her promise. 
   
  they sold their home, and shar bought a townhouse alone.
  she was in a bad place that first year after the split.
  but she began to plan a trip to china...........to adopt a baby.
   
  it cost her $60K....for the trip, which she made with her sister, and for paying off the chinese government.  she came home with jessy.......an 22 month old girl who should have looked like a toddler, but because she spent all her time in a crib, looked and acted like a 3 month old baby....
   
  anyway, fast forward 5 more years and jess and shar are doing great.  she's in 2nd grade......she wears glasses, has hearing aides, and has a few learning problems, but she's a wonderful little girl, and my friend sharon is a terrific older mom.  she does it alone, which is so so hard.  i have divorced friends who are estranged from their exes who are single parents....it's so so hard.  but she tells me she couldn't imagine her life without jessi......
   
  so you see CW, you have to make the choice.  if having a child was really what you wanted, you'd find a way to adopt one.  i know your husband doesn't want to adopt, because i've read what you've written before on this topic-- but you'd figure it out if you really wanted it.  you would not allow him to hold you back----
   
  so perhaps it's just a sadness that you feel---- like i feel a sadness when i think of what might have been in my life but just wasn't.  which is normal i think---- sadness for lost opportunity...what might have been is differernt than not being able to go another day without making something come to pass-
   
  i don't think diabetes should stop you-  i don't think you're too old.
  if you really want a child, you can have one.
  nothing would stop you.
   
   
   
   

• anna.lucia said on May 08, 2009....

  Someone from our office at work adopted a baby...that's not possible? Why do you want to have children so badly? I'm just trying to understand because my husband seems to feel the same as you. I've never had this strong urge - only the opposite... Hope you will feel better..

• CreativeWoman said on May 08, 2009....

  Hege,
  Thanks for your support.
  
  Mimi,
  You are a great friend to me.  Thank you.
  
  secret,
  You may be right.  I discussed overseas adoption with my husband.  He was against it.  I can't afford it on my own nor with him.  Your friend must have greater determination and financial resources than I do.  More power to her and I wish her much happiness.
  
  I've discussed pregnancy with my doctor and diabetes is a factor for me.  With my age and that condition the chance of birth defects are greatly increased.  I guess I could be really selfish and try it anyway, but I feel like I'm considering the quality of life my child would have.
  
  Of course, if I one day found I was pregnant I would truly feel blessed. I would do all I could to give it the best life possible.
  
  Right or wrong, that's been my thinking.
  
  CW
  
  

• CreativeWoman said on May 08, 2009....

  anna,
  My husband doesn't want to adopt.  That's why we haven't.  He's adamant about not "paying" for a child.  All of our extra money has been sunk into his farm so we couldn't afford it anyway.
  
  I just always wanted a family.  I grew up in a very traditional family setting and I guess that rubbed off on me.
  
  CW
  

• CreativeWoman said on May 08, 2009....

  Another point I should make is that I know in my heart that not having children is the best thing considering the state of my relationship.  There is probably a reason for it deeper than I could ever guess.  However, that doesn't mean as a woman with maternal urges that I still don't long for children. 
  
  I know it's not a perfect little world.
  
  CW
  

• wishyouwerehere said on May 08, 2009....

  It's not self-pity, CW - it's longing for lost dreams.
   
  Too tender for me to comment here, hope you don't mind but I will send you a PM.
   
  Hugs - Wishy

• queenparanoia said on May 08, 2009....

  cw... i dont know if this would help... but youre always a mom to me... you look out for me... always there for me... i can always count on you...

  youre one of my "mom" here in soulcast...

  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

• CreativeWoman said on May 08, 2009....

  wishy,
  Thank you for the PM.  We are kindred spirits in many ways.  ((((Hugs))))
  
  queen,
  You are very sweet.  I'm happy you feel that way. :-)
  
  CW
  

• paper~InEurope said on May 09, 2009....

  
  (((warm embrace)))
  
  paper ~
  
  
  

• CreativeWoman said on May 09, 2009....

  paper,
  Thank you.
  
  CW
  

• Brandi_Nichole2012 said on May 09, 2009....

  Awe.  This is so sad.  But writing things out does help make you feel better, at least that is what I think.  But I'm still only a kid.  =(  I'm so sorry about your problem though.

• CreativeWoman said on May 09, 2009....

  Brandi,
  Thank you.  Writing about things helps me too.  I always feel better after I do.
  
  CW
  

• anna.lucia said on May 10, 2009....

  sorry that you're hurting...no, it's not a perfect world..

• CreativeWoman said on May 10, 2009....

  anna,
  Thank you.  Don't you wish it were sometimes.
  
  CW
  

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