I walked Ethan to school today...alone.  Something I haven't done in a really long time, since Kim was working.  When I woke up this morning it was the one thing in my day I thought was possibly the biggest setback.  It's not like I'm doing anything either, just watching a bit of tv, maybe working on my article, sleeping...nothing overly important. Yet, I was so angry that I had to do it and was pouting like a child.

We walked just him and I and there were some men trimming the trees down the way a bit.  The trucks were taking up the whole sidewalk and if it were just me I would have walked on the road but Ethan is too young for that so we crossed the street.  He asked me what they were doing and I looked down at him ready to give a short, curt answer.  Instead I responded kindly saying, "They're doing that because the trees are getting too big and if the branches fall they could break the power line."

Then he started to go on and on about how if they do break people won't be able to use the phone and how you could get electrocuted.  Then he wondered how those few lines can give so many people telephone lines and I told him they go underground too.  I didn't want to tell him those specific wires probably weren't for the phone but were actually for the power.  And I only figured that because one of the trucks had on the side "contracted by Hydro Ottawa", our power company.

We crossed the street again back to the proper side and we talked about the noise a water pump was making.  Then we got to the school and I watched him walk through the parking lot before leaving to go back home.  I was happy to finally get back but when I did there was this feeling of emptiness that suddenly came over me.  No one was in the house, just me, and I like that.  I like having the house to myself and doing what I want but I felt like I wanted someone to be there.

Maybe I did.  Maybe this life really is for me and I just don't know it yet.  I was so sure my fate was to live a single, lonely life but still be happy.  Would I have been happy living like that?  I would have been bored a lot, and I would have hated my job.  I would have been miserable.  So am I happier now being married and having these kids to look after?  I'm not sure.  I still get some time for just me, not much but I suppose it's enough.  When the kids are off at school I enjoy my day a lot more but when they're here, I'm miserable again.