Myth or legend
Nymph tale washed ashore
Near the kraken sleepeth stirs coral and bone
Infinite city
No sexy sneer
Hideous creation
Human and animal

Some of the best things of life are for free. Laughter is one of them...
I swear to God... I laughed my ass off when I saw this one. Also I felt terribly disturbed, since most of the content of this conversation was too explicit for a sexual maniac (I'm not kidding... this was disgusting). What am I going to present for today, instead of the usual ranting? A living proof of why guys are doomed to be extint... as soon as women invent artificial semen, we will be useless and cast away. And you know why? Because of things like what I'm going to show you.
It's from somebody who used to be my friend, but became a complete jerk. He is having this conversation on msn with a girl he has talked to only twice, both on msn... is this the kind of idiots we want on Internet? Is this what MSN was made for?...August 29th, when he was in a rental, at 5:35 of the evening.... here are some extracts... because some things in life are free... for the rest, you have xanga:

He: cuando nos conocemos mi amor? (when will we meet each other?)
She: dime tu (you tell me)
She: para que me hagas todas aquellas cosas (so you do to me all those things)
He: cuando quieras (whenever you want)
He:pero tu dime (but you put a date)
She: el sábado (Saturday)

A little explanation... this is the second time my "friend" and this girl see each other... in the first conversation, held a couple of weeks earlier, he offered her openly to please her with oral sex and then penetrate her... and I'm sugar coating big time in here. I'm still going to psychiatry after reading the rest of the first conversation... yeah, really delicate for a first meeting. I hope she turns out to be a guy... oh... and she is a slut, just in case you all were so idiots you didn't notice.

She: creo que voy a ir a sand (I think I'm going to Sand)
She: o a una fiesta en santana (or to a party in a nearby town, Santana)
She: no sé (I don't know)
She: jajaja (hahaha)
He: si vas a sand ME AVISAS yo fijo me llego (if you go to Sand, LET ME KNOW, and I will go for sure)

Yeah, sure... if she told you "I'm going to Czechoslovakia", he would go there... you know what's the worst of all? He's not even going for the fun... he smelled sex, and as cattle, goes where he found the trace. Keep reading, it gets better... get pop corn and a soda, come on!

He: pero trata de llegar el sabado para verte... ricura! (but try to be there on Saturday, to see you, hot piece of momma!)
She: obvio que si (Of course I will)
She: voy a llebar mi faldita (i will take my mini- skirt)
He: *insert drooling emoticon in here*
She: me pongo ropa interior? (shall I wear underclothes?)
He: como prefieras mi amor (as you rather like, my love)
She: quieres que me ponga? (Do you wish me to wear it?)
He: es una ventaja? (is it of any good)
She: depende de ti... (it depends on you)
He: x mi no (I rather like you not)
She: entonces no me pongo (then I won't wear any)
He: *same drooling emoticon*
He: me estas exitando (you are turning me on)

Just disgusting, not to mention as chuvanistic as a regular guy wanting to jerk off in a sex chat... and great spelling, man!
Dude... explain me one thing... how do you go to a girl you have only seen twice, and call her "hot piece of momma" and "my love"? Are you out of your mind? Or is it just that you call all of them the same names? Do you know how degrading that is? Is that what you see and seek in women? A "hot piece of momma", a walking vagina? Just what everybody needs... a sex maniac. Girls around the world are looking for you, man, they can't stop thinking about sex with you. Kids should have you as a role model, so we can all go to Hell at once!
"But, Jose... she is behaving the same way with him"... for one, the girl is actually a friend of mine in a fake MSN, bothering this guy, taking advantage that he is an idiot That's right, "she" was a guy who hates this asshole and played along to laugh at him... and he fell... from the begining. For two, let's play pretend that you are sitting in a bench and this girl you've never seens comes out of nowhere and tells you "I want hot, steamy sex with you"... what do you do? If you even have to think the answer (specially considering that this guy is in a romantic relationship with another person), I should make you fuck a dog for making me waste my time!

She: cuanto te mide? (how big is it?)
He: 18 cm (18 cms / 7.0866 Inches)
She: si,.....creo que me cabe (ok... I think it fits)
He: CREES? (DO YOU THINK SO?!)
She: si....no estoy segura......tendremos que averiguarlo (Yes... I'm not sure... we'll have to find out)
He: puues... yo hago q te entre (weeeell... I'll make it fit)

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RIIIIIIIIIGHT!!! So, you have 3 arms, and to prove it, you go into MSN and speak with a total stranger about your exagerated proportions... because all girls in the world know that size is all that matters. You're gonna be a pornstar, man, you have no idea how much I admire you... in my worst nightmares. Oh, I almost forgot... pretty cool telling her "I don't mind if it hurts, I'm going in"... that's what all girls in the world want to hear... why don't you turn on the web cam and jerk off in front of her? Women love that too, they can't wait!

She: dicen que el baño de sand es comodo para cojer (I've heard that the bathrooms in Sand are comfortable to fuck)
He: el sabado vemos (We will see on Saturday)
She: claro guapura (of course, hottie)
She: para juguetear con esos 18 cm (so I can play with those 18 cms)
He: es toda tuya (it's all yours)
She: gracias (thank you)
He: y a mi q me toca? (and what will I get?)
She: que quieres? (What do you wish?)
He: lo q tu me ofrescas (whatever you offer me)

... dude, why don't you simply tell her "come to my house", SINCE ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS SLEEP WITH HER!!! Not only that... since you're soooo interested in her pleasing you and not the other way around, which is obvious by your questions on what will YOU get, why don't you also put her an expiration date? Anyway, she is a piece of cheap meat, and the world is a huge market!!! "What do you have to offer me?"... GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!!

He: *drooling emoticon*... eso suena dem bien (... that sounds damn well)
He: es mas de lo q esperaba (it's more than i was expecting)
She: que esperabas? (what were you expecting?)
She: solo pelitos? (only pubes?)
He: obvio no (obviously not)
He: pero q rico pensar en tus pelitos (but it's so great to think about your pubes)
She: mamaste (you're fucked)
She: pq no tengo (cuz I'm shaved)
He: no importa... no me voy a poner en varas solo x eso (It doesn't matter. I won't create a whole problem because of that)

so... ewwww...don't get me wrong... my girlfriend and I can be equally opened with the topic of sex... but 1) we are dating; 2) they are usually dirty jokes and comments we can laugh about... this other you read... *shakes his head* I'm dissapointed, man...

He: no sabes las ganas q tengo de cojerte (you have no idea how much I want to fuck with you)

She: hasta el sábado tendras que comformarte con tu mano (Until Saturday you'll have to be happy with your hand)
He: quieres tener cibersexo? (Do you wish to cyber sex?)
She: obvio mi amor! (Of course, my love)
He: empieza! (Start!)
She: no puedo (I can't)
She: soy dem inutil (I'm stupid in this)
He: no importa! como lo hagas va estar dem bien (It doesn't matter how you do it, it's going to be too awesome)

... great, man... sound desperate!!! I can see your face, like this, when you almost jumped off your chair "START!"


Ok, after this, there is a part of lame cyber sex, that was more the girl taking off her clothes and him just staring and touching himself... We'll skip that...

She: tu vas el sabado (go on Saturday)
He: enseñame algo x la cam (show me a little body on the cam)
She: se le rompió el lente :( (the lens of the cam is broken)
He: no se ve nada? (can't anything be seen?)
She: nada de nada (Not at all)
He: tratemos a ver (Let's try to see)
*You have invited cristian... corey#8... slipknot to start viewing webcam. Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the pending invitation.
*cristian... corey#8... slipknot has accepted your invitation to start viewing webcam.
He: ya? (done?)
She: sip (yes)
She: ves que no se ve nada (there you go, you can't see a thing)
He: PUTA! (FUCK!)
He: SI Q MADRE (WHAT A SHIT!)

Why doesn't he sound different from 10 000 guys? Sure... because he just wanted to see a girl naked.... and nothing else. Just... plainly... see a girl naked. Cuz that's the purpose of his life... finding the first girl he can, and do what he can to convince her... to take off her clothes.
I loved the next part... the begging...

He: ta quiero tener aqui YA (I wanna have you here NOW)
*te
She: yo tb (me too)
He: mañana yo me quedo solo TOOOODO el dia (I'm going to be alone tomorrow AAAAAAALL day long!)
She: mañana tengo clases (I have school tomorrow)
She: y clases de violn (and then violin classes)
She: y tengo que ir al gym:( (and then I have to go to the gym)
He: pero a q hora? (but, at what hour?)
She: salgo del cole a las 4 (I come out (I come out of hschool at 4 in the evening)
She: llego a las 4:20 (I arrive at 4:20)
She: a las 5 clases de violin (violin at 5)
She: salgo a las 6 y media (out at 6:30)
She: y a las 7 al gym (gym at 7)
She: vuelvo a las 9 (and I come back at 9)
He: bueno... el jueves tb (ok... so on Thursday)
She: sip (yeap)
He: el jueves puedes? (can you this Thursday?)
She: tengo tennis (I have tennis)
She: y clases de italiano (and italian classes)
He: entonces no? :( (so, no? :'( )

... why didn't you simple got on your knees and begged? I mean, seems you worked your whole schedule for that, hu? Moving on

She: anda y te la sobas en uno de esos baños (go and jerk off in one of those bathrooms)
He: quiero seguir hablando contigo (I want to keep talking to you)
She: anda (come on)
She: son 5 minutos (it's just 5 minutes)
He: me la sobo ahora enb la casa (I'll wank when I arrive home)
(...)
He: no duro 5 min (I won't take 5 minutes)
She: fijo si (I'm sure you will)
He: ah vez! (You see?!)
He: x eso no voy (that's why I'm not going)
She: entoncs...yo no voy el sabado (in that case, I won't go on Saturday)
He: xq? :( Why? :'( )
She: pq no te la qeueres sobar ya (because you don't want to jerk off now)
He: ok... ahi voy (ok... here I'm going)
He: {8 minutes later} ya mi amor (I'm done, my love)
She: terminaste? (did you finish?)
He: sip (yeap)

Why did I even hang out with this guy, damnit?! I mean... i don't want to imagine the times i've ever shaked his hands!

He: con quien estas? (who are you with?)
She: solita (alone)
He: estas desnuda? (are you naked?)
She: sip (yeap)
He: uy mi amor! (oh, momma!)
He: q bueno seria ir a cuidarte (How great it would be to go and take care of you)
She: a darme chupon? (and give me my pacifier?)
He: ovbio (of course)
He: y nalgaditas (and little spanks)
She: pq? (why?)
She: no me he portado mal (I haven't missbehaved)
He: pero yo sé q te vas a portar mal... (But I know you will missbehave)
She: talvez (may be)
He: yo te ayudaria (I could help you)

You make me sick...I'm skipping the rest, because then it gets really gross...so, how does this end?

He: OJO! espero tu llamada (Remember! I'm waiting for your call)
She: claro + (of course)
She: adios (good bye)
She: ricura (hottie)
He: adios mi amor (good bye, my love)

Sure... you have almost a gf, but you cyber with a girl you don't know, and then you call her "my love" because she offered you sex... great role model. so, I want to go to Sand... I won't, but I know somebody else who will be there... and they will tell me if he shows up... oh, yeah... she sent him a text message and he answered in less than 2 minutes (counting), with an instant arousal...

It's this kind of people who makes me sick... people who only have sex in their minds. Don't get me wrong... I like sex... I love it. But I don't go looking for it as a hungry dog, humilliating myself instead of waiting for that moment, even if your couple asks you to wait... learn from me. Don't be pathetic!
How did I get this conversation? I'll just say for now that I have people who knows people. I could be making all this up, but what better than a real life example to prove my point?