• uniquely-ironic said on May 04, 2009....

  LOL I have to say, I'm rooting for the twirp!  Yes, I get not wanting to put stickers on a car.  I had a smiley sticker on my car for years that my daughter put on.  I cringed every time I saw it.  But the trade off is that they are soooooo incredibly proud of their accomplishments.  No parenting points lost.

• fragglesrock said on May 04, 2009....

  i gotta give the little twirp props!!!! how resourceful of him! :)

• fearing said on May 04, 2009....

  U-I --- Really?  You promise you don't think I'm a horrible mom for not wanting the sticker on the car?  I let some selfishness get in the way of my mom instincts. 
  Now, I bet you still smile when you think of that smiley sticker.  From now on, every time I see a Terrific Kid bumper sticker, I will laugh.
  
  Fraggles, I know!  I can't believe he did it without even telling me.  He never even mentioned it afterwards.  Like he just knew it bugged me and did it anyway.  lol!
  

• Hegemone said on May 04, 2009....

  Lol oh that's too funny.  I wouldn't call you a bad mom.  I still have not put my 'My brother is a US Marine' sticker on my car.  I mean, those things are permanent, and it's MY car, and how do I know I really wanna put it on there?!  I've had the thing for about three years now, lol.  I guess at least you know what's important to him doesn't necessarily have to be important to you, and also that he's got drive, if he wants to do something he's damn well gonna do it!  Thanks for sharing!

• fearing said on May 04, 2009....

  Hege, Okay, here's the deal...... if I gotta drive around with "Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid" the least you could do for your brother/country is put "My Brother is a US Marine" on your car.  Right?  {crickets}  lol!
  
  And you hit Scooter's personality on the head - "drive".  He is driven if anything.  But I'm gonna be driven to pinch his little head off if he puts another sticker on my car.  ha ha!
  

• Psych-ed said on May 04, 2009....

  That's too funny, but I understand I hate bumper stickers too. It's hell trying to get them off!

• botoni said on May 04, 2009....

  I do believe 'twerp' has out thunk you Fearing! Good on him. Oh...just so you know, in my opinion you're a great mom!

• fearing said on May 04, 2009....

  Psych-ed, that's it - getting them off!  Yuck.  What a pain.
  
  Thanks Botti!  I needed to hear that.  I want to be a good mom. 
  And he out-thunks me a lot!  Kids should NOT be smarter than the parents.  It simply isn't fair!
  

• diabolicdame said on May 05, 2009....

  Lol.. that really is one terrific kid.. smart to know where to find the sticker.. smarter to let you find out about it yourself! Nothin you can do bout it then! I think you're a good mom.. and now theres a sticker on your car to prove it.    :-)

• speaking_up said on May 05, 2009....

  The world is raising little narcissists who must constantly be coddled and adored.  When real life hits them, after mommy and daddy are no longer able to baby them, they cannot cope with the answer NO.  How about, "Wow! I am so proud of you, I'm going to stick the pride on the fridge for everyone who comes over to see.  We cannot put the sticker on the car because glue damages."  Period.
   
  Yesterday at the grocery store a 2 year old was sitting on the belt at the til.  If the kid fell off, the store would be liable and risk a law suit.  The mother turned her head to put groceries on the belt, and left the child unattended.  Meanwhile, the kid was crying and reaching out for a candy from the candy rack; the noise was unbearable, but as usual the mother was deaf.  I put my arms over his body to prevent a fall and told the mother to take the child off the belt.  The kid screamed louder.  Mother gives me a nasty glare, coddles baby and says, "next time tell the lady not to touch you."
   
  OMG!  Every other minute another rat bastard child comes to the store with expectations beyond anything I have seen in my life.  Parents want to be the best friends of their kids rather than do their real job - teach their kids how to survive in the real world...where there are rules, where not everything we want is provided, where other people's property MATTERS.
   
  I love children...adore them, really.  I am a Nana, afterall.  However, parents will always love their children far more than anyone else.  And, no one else will put up with what parents are putting up with with their children.  It is a crime.  The kids will have no idea how to cope with anyone in authority as they age. 
   
  Be straight with your children.  Teach them the answer NO, especially when your own heart is saying no.  You did not listen to your own inner needs, mom...and, trust me, your child will suffer just as much as if you had abused him.
   
  This is NOT a cute story at all.  It is a sad, sad, sad one.

• speaking_up said on May 05, 2009....

  I mean, even in your title you are fondly stating the child is a twirp - like it is a funny and good thing!  Come on!!!!  The real world will not like your twirp, and my dear your child will suffer harshly at the hands of others, and he will be left wondering what is going on.  Because you are training him to be this way, he will always believe his needs matters first and foremost. 
   
  When a teacher has 30 kids to deal with and your baby cannot get the best-kid-of-the-year award every time, his heart will sink.
   
  When a coach sits your baby out to allow other children to play, his heart will sink (like there is something wrong with other people mattering).
   
  When your baby is big and plastering graffiti all over the store walls, and the cops come, your baby will wonder why they are making such a big deal about it.  Your 'twirp's' attitude will aggravate the cop, and the kid will be punished harsher for it.  Harsher!
   
  I do not believe you really want this for your child...but it is your job to make sure it does not unfold as it is already unfolding.
   
  You may think this is a small matter and no big deal now, but you are setting the stage for disaster...one coddle at a time is all it takes to build a monster.  A monster only a mother could love.
   
   
   
   

• fearing said on May 05, 2009....

  Diabolic, Thanks for that! He is a smart, smart kid. And a loved one!

• fearing said on May 05, 2009....

  Speaking Up, Wow!  Feel that strongly about it do you?  Well, so do I.  You don't know me.  You don't know my child.  Yeah, he can be a twirp sometimes.  They all can be.  Haven't met one yet who is perfect.  Kids are kids. 
  
  I'm not worried about my mothering skills just because you think I handled this wrong.  The last time I checked, just like my son,  I'm not perfect either.  I do make mistakes.  You can raise your children however you please.
  
  I get your point that raising kids to believe the world revolves around them is a horrible injustice.   The thing is - you can't go too far in either view. 
  
  Now, I must apologize to you because I don't know you either.  I can't physically "hear" the tone you are using but I'm a little uncomfortable with it.  And, since this is my blog and it is about my son, whom I love and adore, I'm going to ask you nicely not to comment any more.  I was going to delete your comments but I will let them remain to serve as a witness to those who read this.  However, additional comments will be deleted.
  
  I won't come to your blog and challenge your parenting decisions. 
  
  By the way, I've met a lot of kids but I have yet to meet one I'd call a "rat bastard". 
  Sheesh, and to think I was wrong for not putting a sticker on the car. 
  
  

• speaking_up said on May 05, 2009....

  fearing, sorry for replying against your wishes, but maybe you'll appreciate why I feel so strongly about responsible parenting.  I absolutely do not mean to hurt you at all.
   
  I was abused as a child.  Emotionally told I was worthless, used as a houseslave and babysitter, etc. etc.  Even if I did earn an award no one would have cared.  Kudo's for you for loving and encouraging your child! 
   
  I was determined not to abuse my child too - and indulged him in areas I should have put my foot down on.  Other people tried to tell me, but I wouldn't listen.  I just loved my son so so much and wanted his feelings to be tenderly protected any chance I could get!
   
  I coddled him.  It is extremely hard for me to admit now.  He died in a burning fire of a car accident at the age of 25.  It was his fault.  Speeding.  My baby owned the road.
   
  My bad.
   
  (Sorry for my tone)
   

• alabamagirl said on May 05, 2009....

  Thats funny, smart kid you got there.  However, I'm also an anti-bumper sticker on car kind of person.  I enjoy reading others when sitting in traffic but don't really want any on my own car.  And I don't drive anything fancy, just don't care for them.
  
  I have a plan ready for when I get one from my stepdaughter.  I'm going to punch a hole through it, put it on a chain and PROUDLY hang it from my mirror so I can look at it every day.  Thats my plan and I'm sticking to it. 
  
  As far as "speaking up" goes, I'm sure she means well.  I know that because your referring to him as twirp doesn't actually mean he really is, just a term of endearment such as me referring to my great, smart talented, wonderful stepdaughter as rug rat.  Maybe she took that twirp thing a little to literally.  I mean, come on for goodness sake he did get the terrific kid of the week sticker, he can't be doing to bad!
  
  As far as him putting the bumper sticker on the car, you didn't tell him not too.  He's a child.  He has to know there are boundaries, and as long as he knows that, I'm sure he'll be fine.  And some boundaries will be crossed.  Thats just human nature and part of growing up.  I know I pushed boundaries that were set before me and I turned out to be a responsible, law abiding citizen.  Maybe she had her own problem child that grew up and has experienced what she just commented about. 
  
  Apparently, she's just seen alot of children lately in much need of direction and discipline.
  

• fearing said on May 05, 2009....

  Speaking Up, Thank you for taking the time to explain your words to me.  I apologize for taking it so personally.  I am VERY sorry for your loss.  I sincerely mean that.  I cannot imagine surviving the loss of a child.  Bless you.
   
  It is horrible your childhood was so difficult.  I never understand how that happens.  I can't wrap my head around mothers and fathers not loving their children or not trying to build them up.  My maternal instinct is so strong it must blind me. 
   
  You do make a very good point.  Spoiling a child is wrong.  Allowing a child to grow up in a world that everything problem is fixed for them, every whim given in to, every wish commanded -  is wrong.  The children grow up and suffer from that.  They also absolutely have to know they will always be under someone's authority - right now it will be their parents but later it will be a boss, the police, the government.  We all submit to someone and we all must abide by rules.
   
  I am guilty of giving in too much to my son.  I naturally want his world to be perfect but I also try my best at lovingly giving him the opportunity to fail and to learn through some natural realities that the world isn't here to make him happy.  
   
  Well, I must get busy.
  Thank you again for taking the time to explain and I apologize again. 
  Friends?
   
   

• alabamagirl said on May 05, 2009....

  Woops, I'm just now reading speaking ups last post.  That makes sense.  Sorry for your loss SU and your childhood.  Parenting is difficult.  We never know if we are doing to much, to little, too involved, not enough involved, overspoiling them, not spending enough on them...the list goes on and on.  I guess we find out when they become adults and were paying for there therapy, what we did wrong.

• fearing said on May 05, 2009....

  Alabamagirl, didn't see your comment - you must have commented while I was typing.  I'll be back to respond to you......

• speaking_up said on May 05, 2009....

  Fearing, (((hugs))) of course, friends.  I have never admitted my faults in parenting my child since my son died...how deep down I know what I created by not establishing boundaries.  He failed his driver's test 3 times and I still let him get a licence the 4th time.  He was working so I did make him buy his own car and insurance...but at 16 he was not emotionally ready to handle the roads.  He must have had 5 accidents in his short life.  And I did nothing except stick up for him in blaming the other drivers.
   
  I loved my baby so much...it was love at first sight!  I wanted everything for my child I never had; little did I realize when people were telling me to be consistant, offer natural and logical consequences to unacceptable behavior, I took it as criticism (and I was fed up with criticism from my own childhood).  So I didn't listen.
   
  I don't know how I am going to help other parents, but some day I will go out and share my story and hopefully say stuff in such a way that it does not come across as mean or critical.  Thanks for giving me the opportunity to review how I come across.
   
  Even my own family has no idea of what I carry around with me.
   
  Bless your hearts...all of you...

• feelthesydneylove said on Jul 07, 2009....

  Fearing -
  
  As young as I am at only 19 years old, I'm the proud godmother of three beautiful children - 5, 4, and 3 years old. I just absolutely love children so when I became a godmother of those children an almost maternal instinct emerged. I love those three children with all my heart.
  
  Your post about your son - I got to give that twerp some props! :] Got me a good laugh there. It definitely reminds me of when I was a younger rascal, always being sneaky and resourceful. Perhaps I shall write some blogs about my childhood experiences later on to humor you as well as the other parents out there! ^.^ I can't wait to have a family of my own later in my life.
  
  The wonderful thing about children is that they never stop amusing us - it's a prestigious experience to watch such curious and energetic minds develop, eventually blossoming. Such is the wonders of the world.
  
  - Sydney
  

• feelthesydneylove said on Jul 07, 2009....

  Speaking Up -
  
  I never have been a parent, but I did read your post about the death of your son and I daresay I was shocked. It's truly indescribable as to the magnitude of loss when a parent has to bury his or her own child. :( I am sincerely sorry for your loss and the burden that you've had to carry ever since then.
  
  I have had a good share of suicidal contemplation, running away, depression, overdosing, and self-injuring - some of my blog posts already have made this obvious and SoulCasters who read them can tell from the very dark tone - so I do have an idea of where you are coming from. I do use my experiences to help my other friends and people who are going through the same struggles so they do not repeat the same mistakes that I have committed and emerge as stronger individuals with knowledge on how to better handle themselves emotionally. I have been working with younger teens on this.
  
  Other than aspirations to become an author, I want to raise awareness on those issues. I want to set up scholarships to become financial aid resources to help out those students - very intelligent but emotionally unstable students (like me, for instance) - who have undergone depression, self-injuring, et cetera. It is so that they can get motivation to go to college, to get money that would go towards their education all while giving them the opportunity to get recognized for expressing themselves, for the courage and strength that it takes them to go through life daily with their issues psychologically, emotionally, mentally. I want to encourage them, to send the message that just because they have those issues doesn't mean that it should stop them from achieving their dreams, from what it is that they want to set out to accomplish in life. (: It is to turn something negative into a positive result.
  
  If I may offer some kind suggestions - you don't have to take them. Perhaps you could use your blog as a pre-set up for your future novel (if you plan on making one) about your son and publish it with a different name as a pseudonym so that way you protect your real-life identity? There are also parent-support groups, conferences, workshops so maybe you can later share your story with other parents.That way you get to emit the emotional baggage related to your son's death that you've had to carry and to help make a difference in the parenting community. Other parents can learn from you that way through those various resources.
  
  Once again, I cannot express how deeply sorry I am for your loss.
  
  My best to you,
  
  - Sydney
  
  

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