I decided today that I didn't really feel like going to work. I needed a personal day to just relax and do nothing, and honestly I'm still reeling a little from the loss of my former best friend. It's weird how someone can drive you crazy and make you super mad and hurt you a lot, and yet some part of you actually still misses them. I'm sort of in that phase right now. I'm relieved that the fighting has ended, yet I miss talking to them when things were actually good. I miss something that was gone a long time ago, yet now I know that for sure, there will be no more good times ever, because they're gone.
And they really are gone too because they've deleted me out of their life and made it so it's impossible to contact to them, even if I wanted to. It's for the best, I'm sure. But it still kind of sucks because I wanted it to be my choice to walk away, and not them saying they never wanted to talk to me again. Blah. It just feels shitty.
So anyway, I was a little down and I just didn't wanna deal with work today. I think I wanted to wallow in self pity or something. Which of course is never a really good idea. And at least I do have other friends who recognize that sitting at home being depressed while watching reruns of Charmed and ER is not the healthiest way to spend a day. One of my other buddies called me up and said he needed a favor from me since I was at home with nothing pressing to do. I tried to protest at first because it involved driving somewhere and I said I had no gas in my car (which is true) and I claimed to have no money until the 1st either (not true) I just didn't feel up to being around anyone.
Well he said he'd drive and pick me up and he'd even buy me lunch too. So I decided I really had no reason to say no. But he wanted me to go with him someplace in a scary ghetto part of town to rent a storage unit for him. Now, he had already rented a unit there for some sort of 'move in special' where it was only $1 to start and $30 for the first 3 months. The regular price is $230 a month to rent it. So that's a huge difference. Well his 3 months was up, and he either had to get all his shit out, or start paying $230. So he concocted a scheme that if I rented a unit in my name, he could keep his crap in there and still only pay the 'move in special' rates which were still going on. It would buy him 3 more months until he could think of something else to do.
So we set off on this trek in his 87 Chrysler Le Baron which ensured we'd blend in and no one would want to steal it. I would not drive my car in this part of town because it would be gone in an instant. Not that I drive a fancy super expensive car, but it's way nicer than an 87 Le Baron! We passed all sorts of porn shops and ramshackle businesses with Vietnamese lettering on the signs. There was some guy standing on the corner who looked like the Unabomber who came over to us and asked if we had any cigarettes to give him. I was kind of scared to say no since he looked like a serial killer, but the light changed and we just sort of sped off without answering him.
We made it to the storage place and I was a little worried that this scheme would go wrong since I wasn't sure how he would explain me wanting to rent the same exact storage unit he already had. But the lady in the office seemed to have a crush on my friend and he explained the scheme to her outright and she said, "Oh good plan!" So apparently she didn't care and admitted that the rental prices were ridiculously high for what you got. So we got it taken care of, and then we set off again.
My friend saw a cigarette store on the way over there and he wanted to stop in there because he said they were probably super cheap and since he does smoke, he wanted to check it out. It was right next door to a pawn shop and a XXX video store. Not the best place in town to hang out, especially when there was some dude eating fried chicken while reading a porno magazine sitting on the front steps.
But we walked past him and into the shop, and it turns out that the words 'cigarette store' really mean 'pot smoking supplies' I've never seen so many bongs in my entire life. And pipes and fake cigarettes that you pack your pot into so no one can tell from a distance that you're toking up. They even had this bong that looked like a floor lamp, but with all these hoses come out of the side. I just kept staring at everything and thinking, "I wish I had a camera with me!"
Is this just a California thing? Do other states have bong stores or is it just us? Anyway, I was commenting to my friend, "Wow, now that is a seriously elaborate bong..." And the Vietnamese lady behind the counter got upset with me and said, "It no bong. It hookah pipe!" She was annoyed like I had committed this grievous error because I didn't know the correct terms for pot smoking supplies.
But then my friend got his smokes (saved only $4) and we had to step over the fried chicken porno mag guy again, to get to our car. But we set off again and ended up stopping for lunch in a slightly better part of town where I wasn't afraid to walk around. The food was fine, we get back in the car, and then as we're driving, my friend picked up his humongous drink cup filled with Coke and the lid popped off and Coke spewed everywhere. Mainly all over me. In my face, in my hair, on my pants. I was drenched and sticky and had ice cubes inside my shirt.
He was apologetic, yet laughing so hard at the scene and my total shock at being drenched from head to toe with Coke, that he swerved into the wrong lane and cut off someone in a big SUV. They slammed on their brakes and honked at us, and we swerved back into the right lane real fast, which caused my drink that was in the cupholder, to fling across the car and smash into my legs and explode iced tea all over the place. I now had ice cubes and tea inside my shoes. And somehow during this my friend was totally unscathed! He was in fine shape and I looked like someone had thrown me into a river of soft drinks and ice.
Somehow I made it home without any further catastrophes befalling me. My friend thanked me for the help and apologized for desecrating my clothes and my dignity by spilling drinks all over me. And then he sped off, leaving me standing in the driveway looking like a sticky drowned rat. And then the best part happened. I didn't have my keys. I must have walked out of the house without them since I wasn't driving and just didn't even think to grab them as I locked the door behind me from the inside, and just left. I was locked out.
I was pacing back and forth trying to contemplate whether or not to call Nat or my mom because both of them had keys. Or if I should just somehow try to climb through the open bedroom window. And as I'm standing there with my phone in my hand, still drenched with drinks, some girl comes up to me and asks me, "do you have any jumper cables? I think my boyfriends car has a dead battery." I just kind of looked at her like she was insane, but then I realized she had no idea the day I'd just had. And apparently she was not put off by my ridiculous appearance.
So I explained to her that yes, I did have jumper cables but they were in the trunk of my car, of which I had no keys to get into. Nor did I have the keys to my house either. And somehow I ended up being roped into pushing a VW bug up the street and trying to help the guy pop the clutch so he could start the car up. It just so happens that even if I know nothing about cars, my dad is a huge antique VW fan and I've learned how to work on those since I was a kid. So I actually knew what I was doing, and had to stop and admire the car because it was hella rare. It was like a 1947 VW bug which was like one of the very first bugs available to the public! I was impressed.
But after I did my second good samaritan deed for the day, I was still locked out of my house. And I decided to just say fuck it and climb in through the window. I didn't wanna bother Nat at work, and I knew my mom would laugh her ass off at the way I looked (because I was now greasy on top of being drenched in Coke and tea) But the bedroom window is very high off the ground. It's a one story house, but it's raised up and you have to climb up several steps to get to the front door. Therefore there was no way I could just hop up and pull off the screen and climb in.
I had to find something to stand on. We have a plastic patio chair, but it's kind of crappy because it got weathered sitting outside all winter. But I stood on that and attempted to rip the screen off. It wasn't easy because I'm not very tall and the chair was rather short, so this was no small feat. But I managed to get the screen undone and pulled off. But then I had to sort of jump up to get a hold of the window ledge. I did it a few times to no avail, and then the last time, part of the chair broke as I was desperately clinging to the side of the house like Spiderman.
Thank god I'm stronger than I look because I held on tight and managed to pull myself up into the window and I fell head first right onto the bed. Soft landing at least! But my cats watched all of this unfold and I swear to god they fucking want to kill me now. I scared them to death and they're acting like they have no idea who the hell I am. They were hissing at me and growling and running away from me like I was a stranger with a sign that said, "I eat cats for breakfast!"
Crazy animals! I'm still me! Just because I came in through the window unexpectedly doesn't mean I'm not the same guy who loves them and feeds them and calls them my sweet little babies! Jeez. I'm being shunned now.
But I am finally inside my house, showered, and drinking a beer. I seriously needed one! So what if it's not even 3pm yet, because I had a hard day of 'relaxing' and I need to drink! But you know what? It was a fun day. Crazy and not what I planned, but at least it distracted me away from thinking about my friend that I missed so much, that I'm not supposed to miss at all....
And all I can say is -- only me. This shit could only possibly happen to me. But it's been awhile since anyone has gotten a glimpse into my life for quite some time, and I definitely thought this was worth blogging! That's all I kept thinking as more and more things happened. "I'm SO blogging this later!"
I think I need another beer though....
evil_twin posted on Apr 29, 2009
| views: 226
Comments
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the_infernal_optimist said on Apr 29, 2009....
Dude! I laughed so hard I almost spilled my drink (in sympathy?)! :-D I'm glad you took a day off...and what a day it was! Wow...you should've taken a pic of your walking disaster self, except I'm betting you were just "shower...now!" by that point. I can just imagine a Coke (and tea)-soaked, greasy Spidey Kyle falling in the window. (Here come the giggles again...)
Hope the cats forgive you...and hey, it's five o'clock somewhere. It already came and went here! ;-)
~Infernal
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wombat said on Apr 29, 2009....
No words...no words....Ok, yes. I am shamefully laughing/smiling. Yes, only you. Glad you survived yet another of your amazing adventures in evil twin land! The part about climbing through the window and scaring the cats....oh lord. If I had a drink in my hand reading this, I would look like you did! -
gingersoul said on Apr 29, 2009....
Kyle.......LOL....that would serve you as lesson for the future, man.....never, ever mix bongs and coke in the same sentence!...lol...
And no, its not a Californian thing.....believe me...these Dallas cowboys-dudes have a lot of the same places.....
You always manage to have the craziest adventure in the most normal situations.....those poor felines of yours!....LOL...
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uniquely-ironic said on Apr 29, 2009....
LMAO Yes, only you could pull off a day like that! Makes you appreciate how "safe" work is, right?! You're a good friend you know. Driving to the wrong side of the tracks to rent a space for a friend. Isn't a hookah a turkish hashish smoking thingy? -
Twylarants said on Apr 29, 2009....
I love watching Charmed reruns but this was so-o-o much better! You need your own sitcom, SpideyTwin. -
silver_phoenix said on Apr 29, 2009....
wow! I have had a few days like this. The events were a bit different though. I can totally relate to climbing in through the window after being locked out!
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Hegemone said on Apr 29, 2009....
"I eat cats for breakfast." LMAO! Oh my gosh what a day you had. Glad you're back home and drinkin' some beer now, I'd definitely agree that you needed and deserved it! Holy crap, you sure know how to play hooky and not be at all bored. That's the sort of stuff you see in movies. Although, I've had to climb in a window a few times before myself. In fact, we even put a screw driver outside in a distinctive spot so we could pop the screen out if needed. Why we didn't get a spare set of keys instead always made me wonder, lol. -
travelr712 said on Apr 29, 2009....
actually et, this sorta stuff happens to fraggles all the time, so you're not alone. :-) -
GrapeKoolaid said on Apr 29, 2009....
In the midwest, all the smoking utensils seem to be sold in porno stores. Why? I don't know. I guess they're trying to say something about the pothead demographic? Besides, who even buys porn anymore?Sounds like you had quite the adventure. I'd say that's a day well spent. :) -
MsStar39 said on Apr 30, 2009....
LOL this is the best laugh i have gotten all day, you really know how to tell a story. -
Pontius_Pilate said on Apr 30, 2009....
Not to sure what to say on your day... other than kinda sounds like some of my days. o_O
As for the hooka pipes/pot pipes, they are actually becoming quite common. Here in Wichita (KS) there is at least one smoke shop that is in business for folks to go in and smoke. I'm not sure what it is technically called, but the 'tobacco' has lots of different flavors and what have you.
Granted more than likely the reason she hollared like she did was due to possible legal problems that shop has because of the norm of the pipes being considered bongs.
:shrug:
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Mr_Box said on Apr 30, 2009....
This was hilarious! I've missed reading your blogs about your crazy adventures. You just have a knack for turning anything into a funny story.I can just imagine the disaster with all the drinks spilling and the bong shop and climbing in the window...lolI just hope you don't take any more days off to sit at home and mope around. Because that never makes you feel better really. So I'm glad yesterday you were forced to go out and about even if things didn't quite go smoothly.Hang in there and keep writing cuz you make me laugh :-) -
pusscat said on Apr 30, 2009....
Oh Kyle, you have not lost any of your wit or bad luck that follows you around wherever you go LOL!! So glad you did post it.
If that's what happens to people who sit around feeling sorry for themselves I'm never, ever gonna do that again ha ha! Fate can be pretty good to us though eh?!. . . Like you say, it may not have been the best day ever, but it sure did distract you :-) -
RollingC said on Apr 30, 2009....
You really ought to write a book about all your mis-adventures...errr...adventures. :^)
Bet you'd make decent money on it.
Rc
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evil_twin said on Apr 30, 2009....
Infernal--I'm glad I could give you a laugh yesterday. Oh god, it was just not the day I planned, that's for sure! But it was a distraction at least. I should have taken a picture huh? That would have been funny!
wombat--I'm glad you enjoyed reading this :-) And I'm also glad you didn't have a drink in your hand to spill all over yourself!
ginger--So cowboy types frequent bong shops too? I never would have guessed that. The cats eventually stopped being scared of me, but it took them awhile. And now they're just scared of the bedroom window since they're afraid random people will just start appearing from there now!
uniquely-- Thank you :-) I try to be a good friend, and I think this adventure proves it! I think a hookah is Turkish or something like that. It just looked like a bong to me, or maybe some kind of weird lamp/vacuum cleaner with all the hoses coming out of it!
twyla--Thank you :-) It was a more interesting day than watching Charmed reruns though!
silver--Yeah, unfortunately I've climbed through windows before, but I wasn't prepared to do it yesterday! Thankfully the window was open.
hegemone--I'm glad this made you laugh. Yeah, my day off was not boring, that's for sure. But it was just what I needed to get my mind off other stuff. It would be good idea to have a spare key somewhere, but I don't trust leaving one outside around here!
trav--Well if this happens to her a lot, then it would be dangerous to get us together for an outing :-P
grape--That is a good question as to who BUYS porn anymore. You don't have to visit those scary XXX shops anymore for porn when you have a computer! But apparently some people still go there (and eat fried chicken on the stoop)
Ms star--Thank you :-) I'm glad this made you laugh!
pontius--I think maybe you're right that me using the term 'bong' implied it would be used for pot, when they're not allowed to tell you that's what these things are used for. They're 'tobacco pipes' :-P
Jack--I'm glad this made you laugh. I know that me taking days off to hide away and mope are not the best ideas. But sometimes I just feel like I can't hang in the real world. But hopefully it'll get better. I went to work today!
pusscat--Thank you :-) I do think that fate sometimes hands us what we need instead of what it is we think we want. I would have probably been miserable if I sat home alone all day, so this was the perfect crazy outing for me.
Rc--Thank you :-) It would be great if I could make money writing about my silly life!
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Zayda said on Apr 30, 2009....
OMG. First, it's so good to see a post regaling us with tales of your days.
I cried laughing, especially about the drinks flying part and the cats hating you for scaring them part. -
evil_twin said on Apr 30, 2009....
Zayda--I'm glad you enjoyed reading this! I actually thought of you yesterday when I was writing this because I know you said how much you missed hearing about my days :-) This was definitely a good one to blog! -
MsStar39 said on Apr 30, 2009....
ET you definitely need to be making money off your daily life stories because you have a knack for telling a story that make you laugh til you are cry. -
wombat said on Apr 30, 2009....
(Ditto with the writing for money thing that others have said! You've got the knack----with an endless supply of stories and talent.) -
hotaka said on Apr 30, 2009....
Good to get another glimpse of your life. Well, the cats had never seen you come in through the window smelling of Coke and iced tea before. Thank goodness it was in your friend's car all this spillage happened and not in yours.
I gotta say that while one or two of these incidents may occur to normal people in a day you seem to rack up the bizarre when it comes to A Day in the Life.
"And the joke is when he awoke his body was covered in Coke fizz"
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evil_twin said on Apr 30, 2009....
Ms star-- Thank you :-) I'm so glad I could make you laugh so much!
wombat-- Thank you :-) I haven't had a lot of stories lately, but hopefully I'll have more to share soon!
hotaka--The cats are really worried now that people are going to start coming in through that window all the time and they're afraid to sit there now! I was SO glad that the drink catastrophe was not in MY car. His car was trashed anyway and it blended into his poop brown carpeting anyway :-P -
GrapeKoolaid said on Apr 30, 2009....
You made me LOL with fried chicken! (fried chicken and porno mags... That's a small piece of heaven you saw there)Even if you don't have the internets, you can at least go to the library. Then you even have an additional bonus(?) of exposing yourself to other people. XD -
botoni said on May 05, 2009....
I'm not even going to grin at your....mmmmffffff.....misfortune....snigger...........it couldnt ha.....chuckle.....to bufffffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhwaaaaaaaaahhhhahha.....
OH HELL!.....Sounds like a total Kyle day made for the movie.
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