My friends and I have been in so many conversations about need. We look at each other and laugh out loud over purchases we've made and how much we 'needed' them. One friend in particular brings up his music. We'll be sitting in his house looking at the untold hundreds (thousands) of vinyl albums and several hundred cd's and he'll say 'I really needed those. A good number I listened to once and never touched again. I could have a nice house for what those cost.' We both figure he 'needed' about 5% of them.
I've looked at what I've bought in my life and what I (and wife) have now and cringe. Her clothes and shoes make me cringe, my tools and guns make her cringe. Entertainment costs make both of us cringe. There is the computer/internet, tv's with satellite, ipod with access to downloads, sirius radio, books, cd's, stereo, and we haven't even gone anywhere with that list. Well, except for sirius radio.
Compared to some of my friends, we don't have much. They keep everything. I at least go through the house and get rid of some of that crap on occasion.
Material 'needs' are personal and many are justified on the strangest grounds. Many times I'll ask my wife 'do we really need that?', and she will look at me like I asked if the sun would rise in the East tomorrow.
But she does the same to me. I just bought three expensive water hoses because the three we had, and served perfectly for several years, were 'cheap' and occasionally got a kink in them. Actually, we only ever needed two for two faucets. She asked why we needed two in the front only and a splitter on the faucet so both could be used. I didn't really have an answer, but it was perfectly clear when I was at Lowe's and bought them. I think it had something to do with watering the lawn and watering a planter at the same time.
We don't 'need' all the things we have, do we? We wanted all the things we have whether we can explain why or not. Want is the key word. And spending money is fun. Even when I didn't have the money I spent money. I used credit cards then.
My grandparents had a radio and one black and white tv. They had one old Chevy, the only car they ever had. I'd ask why they didn't replace things like that with newer and better and....well....they'd look at me like I asked if the sun would rise in the East tomorrow. The unspoken answer was 'they worked'. I think the great depression had something to do with that.
I'm much better than I used to be. I 'need' less as time goes by. Unless a water hose is involved.
I say that even though I've felt the need of a new pick-up for about a year now. Mine's old but 'works' just fine and probably will for years more. Oh well.....
a lot of 'need' is perhaps a way of buying just a little more happiness, or make us feel better at that moment.
What I do need is another cup of coffee.
beyondtheveil posted on Apr 28, 2009
| views: 188
Comments
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queenparanoia said on Apr 28, 2009....
sometimes what we want is not necessarily what we need...what we need is sometimes we dont appreciate...and you know what's really important???what we deserve... ;-) -
Hegemone said on Apr 28, 2009....
You know, I've been going through this sort of thinking internally lately. How much of this crap do I really NEED? If I get rid of these things will I have to go out and buy replacements because I forgot the reason I'm holding on to them in the first place? My husband hates hearing the quizzical ... do you NEED this? What purpose does it serve? Will you stop functioning, get fired or start a hazard if this gets thrown away? Then we don't need it do we? I've become very simplistic, as I am sick of seeing clutter, and now, not only am I getting rid of the clutter we already have, but I'm preventing more from coming in. Oh, and I've rationalized the things I want but don't need but still want to keep ... I need those things to keep me happy, and being happy is a fundamental requirement so I don't go wacko, because if I'm wacko I can't function at my job or in many other areas of life either. He he he. -
uniquely-ironic said on Apr 28, 2009....
So true. I find that I tend to "need" just about as many things as my paycheck allows me to "need". LOL Not trying to be trite, just honest. I have gotten better over the years about prioritizing my needs. I no longer wear fancy label clothing though I am still struggling with the sheer mass of shoes that I own. I guess it's part of the human psyche to accumulate things. -
mommyof2 said on Apr 28, 2009....
I have a rule, we buy what is needed first and then see if we can get what we want with what is left, usually we never get what we want but we always have what we need. -
beyondtheveil said on Apr 28, 2009....
queenie - I don't even want to talk about what I deserve. I probably deserve a lot less than I have now, though. I do deserve the buying mistakes I've made, everybody does.
hege- My wife is an expert at rationalizing the things she wants, but doesn't need. When I tell her I cleaned out the pantry for instance, she insists on a play by play description of what went into the garbage - I have pulled some of the strangest crap back out of the garbage. Two years later, I'll pull down one of those items and say 'we really needed this, didn't we?' She'll tell me we will later.
unique- When you mentioned your paycheck and need, it reminded me of what one of my wife's ex-bosses told her. He was complaining about the gas bill on his Suburban and she said he could affored it. He said 'you spend what you make to live on, we don't have any more money for gas than you do.' There's a lot of truth in that.
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beyondtheveil said on Apr 28, 2009....
mom2- I lived with exactly that philosophy more years than I want to count. As you get older and have more money, those 'wants' creep in with a force. The trick is to stay out of debt, especially when younger and it sounds like you're doing a good job with that. -
fragglesrock said on Apr 28, 2009....
you have touched on a very sensitive subject for me as i just got done breaking my back to move all those things that i "need" from my old place into my new one....after what felt like the 15,000th trip up and down stairs with boxes i realized that i really didn't need most my stuff!
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beyondtheveil said on Apr 28, 2009....
fraggles- I got a good laugh from you. Nothing shows more of your crap or what kind of person you are than moving - two of the reasons why dynamite couldn't move me out of this house. Its also like a mind altering drug, it can drive you crazy.
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travelr712 said on Apr 28, 2009....
after 14,500 trips up and down fraggles steps, i put the question to her of why she has so many boxes full of stuff that the only time she looks at them is just before she moves them. i've turned out to be a minimalist. my rule is, if i haven't used in in 2 years, i don't need it, and i certainly don't want to move it (which i'll have to do eventually) so i get rid of it.as to need, well, we need something to cover ourselves against the elements when we're outside. animal skins work well for this purpose. we need somewhere out of the elements to spend most of our time. caves can suffice. we need something to eat and drink. back to the animals and a stream. our needs are really very basic. anything beyond that is a 'want'. -
beyondtheveil said on Apr 28, 2009....
trav- Now that's a lot of boxes. And if I moved around, I'd be a minimalist like you. Women don't understand 'minimalist', you knew that, right?
We have a lot of caves around here, by the way. But wifey won't even go camping anymore unless there's a running water toilet with a stout door within 'very short' walking distance.
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travelr712 said on Apr 28, 2009....
yeah, i knew that btv. doesn't make the boxes any lighter tho... :-) -
gingersoul said on Apr 28, 2009....
BeyBey......4 years ago, during my divorce, i had to sell my home as soon as possible, furniture and all...
I had SEVEN freaking garage sales in a row.....i basically got rid of everything...i had to witness all those strangers rummaging through my stuff, taking away so many of my beloved things....but all had to go..
There was no way i could fit all that things in my enormously smaller apartment and the idea of a store container didn't appeal to me.....
I think that during those garage sales i kind stayed in a state of shock...only when actually i gave away the last bit of my things i crushed...
I remember that one day i started to cry after my daughter asked me where i had put the blender.
The blender?
Yes, mom, can we have a smoothie
But i sold it
Really? Our blender?
Well, imagine that...of all the things that damned blender had the best of me.
Now its a internal joke between my daughter and I...when she looks for something she asks "Ok, did you sell it like the blender?"......
Yes, we did buy a new one.....lol...
But you know what? I didnt re-buy any of the things I sold..
I really don't need them anymore. Its four years now..i could have had opportunities to buy again this or that...new plates, new glasses, new something..
But i didn't .
So yes, there is really not much that i really need. My comp, my cell, my car, some clothes, my beauty thingies, my books......
I came to the conclusion that since i am an admirer of beautiful things (i sigh looking at beautul decorated house, beautiful shoes or dresses, purses and even sailing boats...) it has become more and more difficult for me to actually find a justification or to give me permission to buy stuff...
I found that its a lot more stress-free looking at beauty without wanting to possess beauty.
Plus, beauty is everywhere....:-)
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javadewd said on Apr 28, 2009....
How much do I need? Well, Rockefeller always told the press, "Just a little bit more," but I'll be fine with "just enough." Interesting question, though... -
wombat said on Apr 28, 2009....
Times have been changing maybe. I know I've re-thought what I want and what I need. But it sucks to have to do that. What it does is make you re-think what you need! -
beyondtheveil said on Apr 28, 2009....
ginsoul- Oh geez, if I had to get rid of everything I'd be crushed too. I think the piano I bought my wife the first week we were married would really bother me to lose. Then there are my pictures. I put so much time into choosing and and having them framed, most from the Middle Ages (imagine that). I'm talking about prints, not originals naturally.
We don't 'need' any of it, but we do get close to much of our 'stuff'. I wouldn't sell my books either, that would be the last straw.
javadewd- 'Just enough' can be defined many ways, just ask me.
wombat- I'm getting better at re-thinking what I need. But you're right, it does suck.
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Fallyn said on Apr 28, 2009....
some people drink, some people gamble, some people do drugs....
some people shop.
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S0ULCAST said on Apr 29, 2009....
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javadewd said on Apr 29, 2009....
BTE -- Sure, everybody is a unique individual, just like everybody else. I'm a non-conformist... All non-conformists drink coffee, you know... -
beyondtheveil said on Apr 29, 2009....
fallyn- I must be a shopper then, unless its 'window' shopping. Geez, I hate window shopping.
java- Well, move over and let me in, if there's coffee involved I'm coming over. I'm definitely a non-conformist as far as following the crowd, but at the same time I follow certain things rigidly. A part-time conformist.
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Lioness said on Apr 29, 2009....
According to a local TV host, one of the best ways to save is to buy only what we really need. I used to buy things that I wanted only to realize that I don't need them. Eventually, it either goes to the waste basket or left untouched in the closet. But through the years, I learned to become stingy. :D It pays to be practical nowadays. -
javadewd said on Apr 29, 2009....
After a post-modernism class I realized just how materialistic I was (not as much as some people, but hey), so I threw a whole bunch of shit out and haven't bought anything I haven't desperately needed (except food and consumables) ever since. That epiphany was quite liberating!
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silver_phoenix said on Apr 29, 2009....
beyond- I need laughter at least 6x a day. Don't ask me how I figured that out ;-P -
beyondtheveil said on Apr 29, 2009....
lioness- Ah, the closet, you would bring up the closet. I've had numerous items that languished in the dark, cool closet for years. I will go through about every year and look at them, but don't have the heart to send them away. Someday, maybe.
java- I'm in the process of cleaning out my workshop, which will take a while. I have vowed not to fill it again. A neat workshop would be liberating for me. I have cut way down on tool buying also.
phoxy- I couldn't agree more that we need laughter. I'll have to work on six times a day though. I laugh inside quite a lot. Does that count?
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javadewd said on Apr 30, 2009....
We cleaned out the garage the weekend before last. What a workout! There was 1950's mint-green steel countertops and shit in the back of that thing... I honestly had never seen the last 14ft of the back of it before (wife's house) and it was quite the shocker! Oh, well. Now we can at least walk in there and that's after storing all the doors and drywall and cabinetry we picked up that day...
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Raindropkisses said on Apr 30, 2009....
i'm an impulsive buyer i may say. i buy what i want all the time,,,but only to regret at the end coz of money wasted on unnecessary things...but lately i'm proving...
good post beyond...keep me thinking...
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beyondtheveil said on Apr 30, 2009....
rain- Don't feel bad, impulsiveness is epidemic. I caught it long ago. -
silver_phoenix said on May 06, 2009....
beyond- oh yeah, laughing on the inside counts! Laughing AT me or WITH ME also counts ;-P
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