• CayenneMan said on Apr 28, 2009....

    Hello MsStar39. I just thought I'd stop by and say hi.   "Hi"   ;o)    I really don't have anything to add to this post but if you don't mind . . . I'll just sit here on my little stool and get an education as the comments come in   :o)  .

• MsStar39 said on Apr 28, 2009....

  CM as long as you sit quietly and don't cause any trouble.
  LOL CM i have never known you not to have an opinion.
  

• Hegemone said on Apr 28, 2009....

  That's the best you can do is support her, although, to an extent, it might not be a bad idea to help her explore the reality of a separation from him.  Maybe suggest some counseling too, so you're not just offering the one life changing alternative.  It's sad how weak the character on some people has been getting.  Anybody will cheat with anybody else, and it's becoming like a sport too!  Some people go out with intentions to competitively steal somebody's mate.  It's a full on load of shit if you ask me.  I hope that things get cleared up for your friend and that she is able to live happily, whatever decision makes that possible.

• queenparanoia said on Apr 28, 2009....

  just be there for your friend... she needs you now more than ever... and tell her to try and talk it out with the husband... maybe they could still fix things between them...

• travelr712 said on Apr 28, 2009....

  well, from just the little you've wrote about here, i'd say the problem goes much deeper than 'another woman in the house'. it sounds like your friend doesn't trust her husband, and hasn't for quite some time. if a man is treated harshly and coldly and with mistrust by his wife, oftentimes they'll find comfort from another woman. hell, they're only human, and women do the same thing, so maybe she needs to work on being more open and accepting of him, and he needs to work on not doing things he knows will upset her.

• uniquely-ironic said on Apr 28, 2009....

  I guess I'm trying to figure out if she is over reacting.  Or perhaps I'm just a lot less excitable than most.  I get that he should have at the least said "Oh BTW Honey, so and so will be dropping by today" so as to avoid the appearance of doing something wrong.  If, on the other hand, he is having an affair I'll be happy to warm up the coals so that she can roast his nuts on them.

• wishyouwerehere said on Apr 28, 2009....

  This caught my eye since I did indeed walk in on the was-band and another woman in my bed.  I'm the type of optimistic, naive hopeful person that needed to get slapped in the face that way in order to take action.  Before that, I spent many a night trying to convince myself things weren't as they seemed and that I was overreacting.
   
  That being said, if the marriage is good in other ways, I suggest giving one's spouse the benefit of the doubt.  Either trust will be restored, or it will give him enough rope to actually hang himself. 
   
  It's a terrible thing to accuse someone of infidelity if they are in fact innocent.  Still, she may want to let him know how she feels so that he can be more considerate of her concerns.
   
   

• wombat said on Apr 28, 2009....

  Just reading along, and realizing that all these comments are so good.  What could I add?  The simple act of finding another woman in the house that is any kind of shock for any reason needs some deep discussion between the couple.  I don't know if it was innocent or not, but tend to lean on the doubtful side.  That's just me speaking from experience.  (I like that term "was-band" from wishy!)

  I agree with Queen about just being there for you friend (as opposed to taking sides without all the facts).

  But then, you are talking to someone who used to get knocked around when I hadn't done anything worse than going to the pool.

  And you are also talking to someone who's been blatently cheated on by ex's, and lied to right to my face as if I was the one who'd done something.

  So, yea---guess it's all about the facts.  Good friends stand by each other no matter what ---but hopefully are more aware of what's what, or at least are more able to help the friend figure that out.

   

• MsStar39 said on Apr 28, 2009....

  I want to think everyone for their wonderful comments, I want you to know that this happened awhile back and since then she found out the awful truth and that is that he is a lying cheat.  Only not with the woman that he had in the house but one young enough to be his daughter.
  
  She found out the truth by really checking the bank statements and finding out he had spent large amounts of money At fancy hotels and buying expensive gifts from Victoria Secret.
  
  On top of that he was seen at different clubs with her but no one wanted to be the one that tell the wife.
  He finally admitted the truth and apologized.
  She left him for awhile but came back and they went to counseling but she tells me that she still has her divorce papers in the car in case she catches him doing anything else because she doesn't trust him.
   
  .He is being more careful now but Ladies you  know the saying once a dog always a dog. He is still out there.
  

• sweetsoul said on Apr 28, 2009....

  Well your last post makes a huge difference because I was wondering what the big deal was.  He's not allowed to have friends (whether male or female) to their home?
   
   

• RollingC said on Apr 28, 2009....

  You know I really don't know what to tell you.  The perfect scenario in a perfect world is one man and one woman.  I'm not sure who's not being fulfilled in this case and who's not giving out and fulfilling the other to the point that nobody would look at anyone else.
  I was brought up to be loyal and believe in the old values as the best way to be and to my surprise, I found out that my own father (whom by the way I'd put on a pedestal), was one of the biggest womanizers that I've ever encountered.  When I was single I was a womanizer also but not after I married, even though I had plenty of chances.
  It' usually true that "once a dog always a dog" but not always.
  Rc

• wishyouwerehere said on Apr 28, 2009....

  I suppose it makes no difference in a way - cheating is cheating - but to do it IN THE HOUSE - well, for me - that was such a huge tremendous slap in the face, so disrespectful.  I have no idea why that seemed worse than having an affair at a hotel, but I guess it was the thought that he couldn't even bother to make the effort to keep it out of our home.
   
  There was a time when I would have said that your friend was stupid for going back to her husband, but you know what they say about people in glass houses.  Everyone has their own limit.

• superbozo said on Apr 29, 2009....

  I'm picturing Uni warming those coals ready for the nut roasting :)
   
  Nothing worse than the one you love doing something that low. Especially when you know that money you earned has helped pay for those liasons. (my experience)
   
  One thing I do know it's good to have a good friend to lean on during all that messy emotional stuff.

• blueraven6 said on Jul 25, 2009....

  Ref:
  
  My previous post about Jealousy.
  
  blueraven6
  
  

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