A few days ago I had a dream about a tornado. These dreams I've had in the past they always mean major change in my life. Sometimes they are a good change and sometimes a bad one. I'm happy to say this one signified a good change. I got a job today. The pay sucks but I work for a friends business and that makes all the difference. And around here jobs are hard to come by so I'm still thankful. I had a good first day at work and I got to drive around and go to the park to enjoy the nice weather. I hung out with one of my best friends and we watched a movie. Something always is missing after days like today though. And it always hits me on that drive home. I really miss having someone sitting next to me holding my hand, falling asleep on my shoulder, etc. A lot of these moments I used to take for granted. Now that I'm alone it hits close to home. It makes me sad. Life feels so empty for me sometimes. I try and fill it up with friends and activities but at the end of the day I still take this same long drive home with my empty passenger seat and me wishing there were some way to go back in time just once to remind myself that it really happened once upon a time for me. Someone actually loved me... The idea seems so foreign to me now. Almost impossible. How could someone love me. Lately I have found some comfort in keeping busy and trying to do things for myself. I really am trying to escape the depressing mindset and be more positive. At the end of the day though my mind wonders into lonely thoughts though and it really seems unavoidable for me. I can't help it no matter how positive I try to be. I don't feel like my life is meaningless I just wish I had someone to share my life with. I know what I want in a woman I just can't seem to make that first move. I always feel as though she will think I'm a creep or something if I try and go for it. I need to have more confidence but even that only takes me so far. I know I'm silly for thinking this but sometimes I feel like it's already too late and I have past my prime. It's not easy for me because most of the women I'm attracted to are younger than me. Seems like it's harder to find women who like to date older guys around here. They all seem to want to stay in their age group. I'm trying not to be so chicken shit and get out there but sometimes it's hard to convince myself. No matter how I try I still have that constant reminder that I need to try harder on that long drive home.
SlickNick posted on Apr 27, 2009
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Comments
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Hegemone said on Apr 28, 2009....
Well, happy to hear you've gotten a job! That's fantastic, and it'll keep ya busy, which is a plus. On the being alone front ... well, I don't know a lot to tell you that you haven't either already said or been told at some point. You just have to convince yourself you want to find love bad enough, and then if you're still struggling to just get out there, take some chances, lay it on the line ... well, maybe are you holding yourself back for different reasons. Do you just THINK you want somebody else in your life because that's the way "it's supposed" to be and maybe that's not it at all? I guess what I'm getting at here is, if you're struggling so much, why don't you sit down and THINK about it all a little more. Don't lie to yourself, no need to do that, no need to report back here with your findings, but admit to yourself all the little things you really do and do not want. Also, think of this, if you were smack dab in the middle of a romantic relationship tomorrow (pretend you've already gone through the awkward getting-to-know-you phase and you're living together), what would you like ... and alternately, what would you miss about being single, what would you dislike but put up with? Think of the negatives in relation to that as well, and maybe think of WHY they are negatives and perhaps you could do something from that direction, instead of trying to figure this thing out from the single perspective. Work from inside the relationship out, so you'll have the right tools and mind set to enter a relationship. You never know, something might just come your way if you switch gears for a little while. ((((((((HUG)))))))) -
queenparanoia said on Apr 28, 2009....
that's good you have a job! congrats!!! and about dating... well try dating someone your age... if you cant find someone younger than you to like you then find someone your age then... ;-)
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uniquely-ironic said on Apr 28, 2009....
Sweetheart, you're still a very young man! LOL If the women you're attracted to are younger, so what?!! (just make sure they're over 18!) Yes, I think all single people wander through that line of thought now and then of "wouldn't it be nice to have someone here to ...." it's what motivates us to keep looking. Roll with it and use that energy to help you build a life that may or may not include someone. I would guess it does, but life is not certain. -
Lucytorial said on Apr 28, 2009....
we only fail in life if we do not try, keep trying to find that person, keep asking the questions "wanna go out?"I know t sucks and I'm the last person to talk to as I have that someone. -
SlickNick said on Apr 28, 2009....
Aww thank you all ladies. I think I just really had to get this off my chest last night. It made me feel better to share what I felt. And you all made me feel better with your comments. It makes me feel so much better when I read your hopeful comments. Sometimes I just get so lonely that I really start to have that hopeless feeling. I mean it goes away after awhile and I'm fine again but it really makes me sad sometimes. Sometimes I don't know how I should act. I'll be driving my car and see some pretty lady walking down the street and I'm like, "Should I slow down and say hello?". Then I think she will scream and think I'm some pervert and run away. I know I probably sound crazy but it's a real fear I have. -
uniquely-ironic said on Apr 28, 2009....
Well, as long as you keep your pants zipped I'd think that she (the pretty lady) would be flattered. LOL But what do I know, I'm kinda one of those "out there" personalities. -
fragglesrock said on Apr 28, 2009....
here i come, loping in late as usual ;) i'm sooooo HAP HAPP HAPPY that you landed a job! as far as the lonely feeling? i know it well, and it does often seem to strike on the drive home. when you're in a relationship it seems your happy to get home and see that special someone or know that that special someone is waiting for you with a hug and kiss. damn relationships anyway :( it surprises me to hear that the younger girls DON'T eat you up, here you are an intelligent, good looking, YOUNG looking, guy that appreciates doing the young people things in life. gawd, listen to me, i sound like such an old lady "the young people things" lol! can't wait to hear the details about the job :) -
HollyGoLightly said on Apr 29, 2009....
*nick*~ haven't seen you post since last one...was hoping you were OK...yay! a job!!!~~you're a lucky one, they are so few and far between these days...you know, some of the things you wrote about having one in your life, made me feel as if i was reading something of my own...eerie how similar to some of my own feelings...( i wrote an awesome poem some time ago that describes...just like you say...coming home at the end of the day, when there's no one there, waiting for you...if i can get it out of storage, i'll send it on sometime...) but oohh! i could soooo feel it...and wanted you to know, you're not alone...you seem like a person of deep emotion ( and i've told you before, such a sweetheart), and feeling...you have a full heart just waiting for some lucky girl...i hope whoever she is is deserving of it...in the meantime *(((((hugs)))))**~*Holly*~* -
Lucytorial said on May 01, 2009....
Hey Nick, I hope you're going out with frags tonight..... she has the box. -
MastersCumSlut said on May 10, 2009....
Maybe its only a throwback. Have you watched Wizard of Oz lately ?LOLMCS