I think I have said this many times in my blogs - my apologies for the redundancy - but I need to say it again for the record, that my general thank yous are most heartfelt and sincere.
I value every comment that I receive in my blogs. Thank you all so much for the time you take to leave words of concern, comfort, understanding, encouragement, friendship, well thought of advice or simply words or symbols that say/said: I was there.
I have been composing a blog to tell all of you why I felt I could not blog in SoulCast anymore but I cannot get any further. I cannot even articulate why it is difficult for me to find words in some situations when I am obviously verbose in other situations.
I do not want anybody to feel overlooked, unacknowledged, snubbed etc. This is the main purpose of this blog. Also, once again, a plea for your indulgence and understanding when I cannot communicate individually to each comment on my blogs.
Perhaps I can explain it some other time because I am trying to find out myself why I am unable to at times. It simply seems like moments of brain freeze.
In between writing this post, I responded to a friend´s e-mail. This is my email:
I think, if my memory is not playing tricks on me, I saw one (Kapok, Ceiba/ Silk Cotton a Philippines tree) with K in 1995 when we were in the Philippines, as I introduce him to my parents and home country; we were in Mount Makiling (I have to check this link and inform myself too). As you know, the series of depression has taken a toll on my memory, and it is only since I am with Pieter that my mind is starting to relax and allow new information in, and let old memories resurface.
This is one of the reason I keep being pulled back to SC because the many words I read here triggers something that helps me recapture who I was, and add up to the person I am now. The interaction (admittedly a bit one-sided at the moment, which is the reason I hesitate to blog!) helps me "think".
I don´t know if I am making any sense. But that is just it... blogging in SC for me is wanting to make sense again...
Life in the Netherlands is good. I have my episodes triggered by stress and other factors but Pieter has been very supportive, loving and understanding. As I have said before, we are far from leading a perfect life and we are both not striving for that. We simply both want to have a family that is harmonious, loving, considerate and fill the home we share with the girls with laughter. So far, we are getting thumbs up from the girls, and they are the most important beings we want to please. We, specially this person, just need to always focus on that!
