• fragglesrock said on Apr 23, 2009....

  wow, what a situation.  it sounds like the entire family is pitching in and trying to help, which is a good thing.  has anyone considered a councellor?  i like the thing that your sister did with the $$ reward, i did something similar with my son and it seemed to work.  i'm sorry that i have no great recomendations other than trying counselling?

• JusticeForAll said on Apr 23, 2009....

  He has councelling twice a week. They work with him, but he really doesn't respond well to strangers. They run all sorts of tests on him all the time, too so I think that makes him really nervous. I just wish there were more I could do. He's a great kid when he is acting good, but otherwise, he's rather difficult to be around. I love him so much, it just hurts me to see him struggle like this.

• WriterCarlDobbs said on Apr 23, 2009....

  I had fostered a daughter for 8 years who had a genetic disease causing mental retardation.  I raised her from the time she was 8.  I found she didn't have the cognitive skill to know the advanced concept of theft.  Understand that this is a moral issue and takes a certain level of mental activity to make this happen.  Otherwise the child simply takes people at their word that somethingis moral or immoral and the consequences for doing it is either good or bad.
   
  It is wrong to abuse children physically but what if a child can't take the hint and does destructive things to himself or to others?  The challenge of weighing the child's happiness against those of the whom he afflicts is always hard.  I have always weighted the needs of the victim as greater than the need of the one afflicting pain and suffering otherwise the victims could grow up with psychological and long-term emotional damage.  Hence my daughter was duly punished all bad activity that was serious enough to cause a major disturbance in the family. 
  The other of my children were taught tolerence for the handicapped and suffered small things which she did, as a matter of course and expectation, because she didn't know any better.  She had no inherent sense of right or wrong.  (She, for instance, at the age of 8, zipped her 4 year old little brother into a plastic cushion covering.  If I weren't on top of the situation he could have died within minutes.  I asked her to hold her breath for as long as she could to teach her that my son needs to breath!)   - 20 SECONDS.  So the lessons must be drilled into those with learning disabilities in ways that use the parts of their brain that function better than the parts that don't function so well.  You are advised to consider that the input of information (in the form of instruction or punishment) must be taylored to the unique abilities of the child.  My daughter's need for air was normal. She learned not to deprive my son of air, for example. 
      

• WriterCarlDobbs said on Apr 23, 2009....

  Second suggestion.  Give them rigorous schedules.  Like a teacher giving them Busy Work, (endless math problems for 6 hours) you can give them activities that take up all of their time.  Work, a set hour to play, certain structured time to watch TV or other activity of their own choice, and a strict bed time.  Being strict will give them the sense of love and security (as I have read in poles taken of children with strict parents they are the happiest.  Kids need to know limits to feel safe, loved and comfortable.)  Once they know who is in control then their schedules can relax to a more healthy lifestyle.  When they become emotionally mature enough to have more freedom they will get it.  Until then, be very strict and authoratative.  Rebellion must be met with putting them on a naughty chair or to stand in a corner.  Refusal to obey a punishment means no dessert, or being grounded, something tangible that is more important to them than standing in the corner. 

• starchini said on Apr 23, 2009....

  hmmm...call me old fashioned but id get out a switch.  I was spanked when i was bad, and i wasnt ever bad again...

• JusticeForAll said on Apr 23, 2009....

  See, if it was my child I would be able (and willing) to do all of the above. I don't believe in abusing children by any means, but I think that's what's wrong with this generation. Parents aren't allowed to spank their children like I was spanked, or it's "child abuse" Fuck that. As for giving him a routine...Again, if he was my child, I would do that, but his mom is a big contributor to the problem. His mom and grandmother let him get away with EVERYTHING. My husband and I are the only ones that teach him anything. They let the kids run wild, so when they have structure over here, they don't know how to act. I have had their mother's permission to spank them if they are wrong, but I haven't had to do that so far. They have a certain amount of respect for my husband and I and they know not to test us. So what can I do to get mom and grandma to actually start discipline the damn kids!?

• ALIENated said on Apr 24, 2009....

  
  For some reason our child hated time out, or sitting in the corner facing the wall.
  Just the mention of time out was usually all it took. I would also say, pick your
  battles. Does something have to be done a certain way or is it just the way you
  would do it? Keeping them busy is a good idea, too. Even I hate boredom, which
  is a lot of what you get in school. It seems like a big part of this problem is, they
  are not your kids. You can only do so much. Spanking always makes me think of
  the story about the guy who trained his dog by swatting him with a rolled up
  newspaper and throwing him out the window, into the yard, after the dog soiled
  the carpet. The dog finally started soiling the carpet, grabbing the newspaper, 
  and jumping out the window.
  
  

• starchini said on Apr 24, 2009....

  So what can I do to get mom and grandma to actually start discipline the damn kids!?

  hmm...You might think its rude or not your place...but if you could bring the topic up in a way and if she gave you the slightest window of opportunity to insert your own opinion...id do it.  Id tell her point blank nothing held back, "if you continue to let your kids do what they want they are gonna be complete failures in life and it will be your fault, if you love them at all, you would discipline them effectively.  Not disciplining your kids is far more abusive than any spanking in the long run, it shows you dont give  a shit and thats worse than getting a belt out"...er something like that...

• JusticeForAll said on Apr 24, 2009....

  Sad thing is, both my husband and I have both told her this. She is my sister-in-law. She listens to me more than her brother, but she still doesn't get that she is the biggest problem by not giving them the structure they need. It's sad :(

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