I mentioned treating chemical deficiencies in an earlier post, and I wanted to discuss my own personal experience on the topic.
I am diagnosed as being ADD, and I have been on Adderall for a considerable time.
While I really do not want to take a prescription drug that contains amphetemines, I have yet to find something that works as well for me.
Everyday, I fight myself to take my medication. I don't want it, for any good reason I can think of at the time... I may not eat for an entire day, or I won't get much needed sleep because I stayed up too late the night before.
If I take my medication, I am up and about as if I've had the best night of sleep, when in reality it was only 3 hours! All of a sudden, my house is clean, my list of things to do is simplified and completed... I even leave my home with my two ADHD children in tow, and feel no stress as we go about our day, from place to place. I get a feeling that I know is not natural in my case. It's called euphoria.
This synthetic happiness disturbs me, but I know the downside to not taking my medication, which is precisely what I experienced today. I've had difficult days, but today was pure sadness, and extreme fatigue. I haven't take my medication for one week, and my withdrawls are very taxing. I go into a depression, and I feel constantly fatigued. I eat like it's going out of style. I become a hermit, and cannot deal with everyday life. Even stepping out of the door, just a few feet away, to let my children play on the playground becomes a tremendous task. I have severe anxiety, and social distress.
If you knew me in person, you wouldn't believe what I'm saying. That's because no one ever see's that side. In fact, only my closest friends are capable of discerning this behavior. They knew me before I started my medication, and they know exactly who I was. They know that my life has changed in a dramatic way since, and I have become a new person.
I like who I became, but at some point, I stopped thinking it was because of the medicine. I thought I could do without it, and I worried about what I was putting into myself. Now, I am in this struggle because I tried to do away with it, and I keep throwing my body in and out of regularity, making it that much harder.
It's a vicious cycle, this life.
(For those of you that may wonder, I do not give my children medication. It is something that I prefer to decide on when I feel that it may be a necessary option.)
Heartbreaker posted on Sep 02, 2006
| views: 199
Comments
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MidnightFire said on Sep 03, 2006....
My mother is manic-depressive or bi-polar. She says she gets a natural 'high' for free during her manic, that people would gladly purchase.
Is that what this euphoria is like?
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Heartbreaker said on Sep 03, 2006....
Well, I'm not actually bi-polar, if that is what you are meaning when asking.
The euphoria is just something synthetic for me, due to the chemicals in the medication. I don't know what it's like to feel the natural 'high'.
I would prefer it, I'm sure, but then who wouldn't? :)
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JadeLondon said on Sep 03, 2006....
I know what euphoria you are talking about. I developed it when I first started taking Effexor, one of the many drugs I have tried. Everything was a-okay. I can remember there being situations that would have normally had me biting my nails to the quick--but not when I felt like that.
Nothing could go wrong. Everything was right with the world. I was an assistant at a restaurant, and there was day when I was down five staff members.
Normally, this would have been a detrimental situation, but I remember thinking, "It will all work out. Is the end of the world going to come? Let's do this."
Nothing bothered me. Sure, it was unnatural, but much better than the sensation of being eaten alive from the inside out.
But, eventually the euphoria diminished too.
Hell, I kind of liked it.
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Heartbreaker said on Sep 03, 2006....
Yeah, that's the exact feeling. You nailed it. :)
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RollingC said on Sep 05, 2006....
Taking medication to cope with life...specially when the option of not taking is disagreable...is something that I dealt with for many years since childhood. It's something that is such a personal experience I'm not sure that anyone else understands (if they haven't gone through something similar)
In my experience it got to the point where I decided to stop taking it and weaned myself out of it, sort of like pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. Just when I thought I made it I had to be hospitalized because of physical pain caused by internal bleeding. To make a long story short, I turns out that a balloon like tumor, filled with blood inside my gut area, was bleeding (I stopped taking the medication 'cause the manufacturer switched it on me making synthetic
instead of natural...maybe it was cheaper to make but it made me feel weird) After the operation(it was a benign tumor thank God) my health improved a hundred percent.
Now I'd been taking that medication (injection) since I was about 6yrs old and the improvement after the operation was a gift from God. I remember when I used to run and hide everytime mom used to call me for my 'shot' or injection and it was like playing hide and seek with a painful ending. I'm glad that period of my life is over and I still thank the Lord.
I feel for you Heart....but if you need that and it makes you feel better by all means do what you can mentally to accept taking the medication and lead a better life.
God Bless
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