I've fallen.... Yes, ME... I am in love............ Weird.

This is our story.........

After over a year and a half of being completely on my own, I am now with someone that I can't picture myself without.

While I was single, I was content. I convinced myself, (that although in the past, all I wanted was a loving husband and 4 or 5 kids running around our country style house with the dogs), that I was going to be on my own and probably never marry. And I was completely fine with that. I planned that I'd adopt after my career was established, and I would be a single parent, kicking ass and loving my kids to death.

My how things change.... I knew from the start when I first met "John" about two years ago that he was either an incredible man who scared the shit out of me due to him being absolutely perfect... OR just a really good actor.

When "John" and I first began to date last year, I was in a totally different place. Incredibly independent who did NOT like my space crowded or planning my days around someone else. I was hard to get a hold of, and somewhat "flaky". He was SO patient. We had both gotten out of very long term relationships.... mine was over 7 years and his was 8.... and I still didn't want to be bothered with a relationship of any sort. We saw each other here and there and always had a fantastic time. "John" was always a gentleman; opening and closing my car door, making sure whatever we did was ok with me, thought ahead for every date, never allowing me to pay for anything, etc. We did things together that neither one of us had ever done before... Staying awake talking on the phone for 5-6 hours until 5 in the morning, dancing in the sprinklers in the middle of a hot June night, singing country songs together, and so on. I knew he was different compared to other guys, but still couldn't bring myself to even go near the thought of being locked down. He wanted to become "exclusive"... I said no. Even though I KNEW he was perfect for me in every way... I just couldn't do it. I would think about having a boyfriend and my chest would start to tighten and I felt as though I couldn't breath. I needed more time to be free....

I stopped seeing him in August. He was relentless though. We never truly quit communicating. And I kept dating around... but he was always there, and continued to stay in the back of my mind. We kept texting and writing emails through September then October. And finally I knew I had to just cut it off. It was wrong of me to keep this going when I didn't want to be in a relationship. I asked him to dinner one night in October and told him we needed to talk. He met me, and I had to tell him, face to face that we shouldn't see each other, shouldn't talk to each other because I knew I was leading him on. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.... Looking into his beautiful blue eyes... knowing that he was all I had ever wanted, but couldn't bring myself to be with due to being scared. I felt like a chicken shit.

He was heart broken. He hoped we would end up together. He was hurt, sad, pissed and I could see that all on his face. He didn't understand and neither did I. "John" kept his composure but said he had to leave. He couldn't just sit there with me. He paid for our meal and walked out.

I left shortly thereafter and looked at my phone. I had a text from him, which said... "I thought I was before.... but now I know for sure. I am in love with you BB. This hurts more than you can understand".

I went home and later on checked my myspace. He had put a song on his profile that he performed himself... "John" is an incredible singer, song writer and performer by the way.... the song he played was called, "Politics, Religion, and Her" by Sammy Kershaw. Look it up... it's a friggin tear jerker.

I was aware that I was making a mistake.... but there was no turning back now, I couldn't help the way I felt. Still, I missed him. Missed his scent, his touch, his lips, the sound of his laughter, the way he made me feel.... but I couldn't be selfish. I had to stop.

November.... then December came around. My friends and I were going to be in Vegas from Dec 11th - 14th for PBR. And who was going to be there also???... "John".

While in Vegas, drinking lead to drunken text messages which lead to meeting up, slow dancing to "Amarillo By Morning", then getting in a heated discussion about why we couldn't be together since all we ever do when we are with each other is have fun... and ultimately walking 9 blocks sobbing from a club to my hotel room because it was really "OVER"... ugh. We were so high school drama; but he made it impossible for me to stay away from him.

One more month, and I finally cracked. I remember the day I saw him again. January 15th, 2009. I went over to his house to have dinner and drinks. We watched a movie, had lots of laughs, and by the end of the night, the most amazing kiss ever. It had been almost 6 months since we had our last kiss, and the butterflies I felt were like no other. I knew I could not stay away from him any longer. I would suppress my fears, finally set my worries of being hurt again aside and dive in head first.

Here we are, April 21, 2009, and I am in love.... with him. I couldn't be any happier. He completes me, and I him. We are so disgustingly perfect for each other that it even grosses me out at times. Every day gets better and better. Last Friday we even had our first big fight, but handled it very maturely and ended up laughing together at the end of it. We bring out the best in one another. He has inspired me to start drawing, painting and writing again. I've become more focused and have been concentrating more on what matters most in life... happiness, family, friends and love. He has also told me many times that I inspire him as well. He has been working harder than ever before, writing more music, sub teaching more often and saving money so he can take me on vacation in June. I have what I've always dreamed of..... except this time, reality is finally better than my dreams.

Blech! I've officially crossed over to La La land... and I love it! : )

Thanks for reading!


BB