• Me-Myself&I said on Apr 18, 2009....

  knowing you were helping your parents, in a time of need. celebrating is one thing, he should of got you flowers or something. 

  i am so sorry your heart is broken and wanna cry! (hug)  

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 18, 2009....

  MMI,
  I did buy some shoes for myself.  It's just not the same as feeling special in some way that comes from him.  Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself.  Maybe I want to much.  Maybe I'm the problem.  I wish I knew.
  
  Thank you for the hug.
  
  CW
  

• MsStar39 said on Apr 18, 2009....

  CW look at it this way, that when he said at least you all are still alive that he means
  and that you are still together.
  
  He is just not the romantic kind, when you go shopping tomorrow suggest eating out or something to celebrate your anniversary, I have found out that some men have to be trained.
   I let my husband know that I wanted something romantic for my anniversary and not a set of pots. he finally got it right.
  

• Hegemone said on Apr 18, 2009....

  CW, my heart really aches for you.  I wish you had the relationship that you deserve, not this one that you have.  I'm not sure what else to say beyond ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

• scipio said on Apr 19, 2009....

  My reply on your other post says it all...

• MissMimi said on Apr 19, 2009....

  It's not you.  It's not too much to expect a tender word or gesture from your husband.  I'm sorry he treats you this way.  He actually closed the door on you?  What a jerk.  (Sorry to be so blunt.  I have a cold, I feel rotten and your husband ticks me off.)
   
  {{{{hugs}}}}
   
  I do love this song by the way.  You should hear me "play" it on the piano.. You'd never recognize it.  ;) 

• RollingC said on Apr 19, 2009....

  A big ((( HUG ))) for you CW.
  ♥
  Rc

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 19, 2009....

  MsStar,
  Thank you.  I have tried to tell him.  It doesn't sink in.  I can't break his "just another day" attitude.  He knows it is important to me.  That is why it hurts when he doesn't make much effort.  After 11 years, I shouldn't have to tell him again.
  
  Hegemone,
  Thank you.  I probably whine too much.
  
  scipio,
  Thank you.  Your other comment was very kind.
  
  Mimi,
  We haven't spent the night in the same bed in over four years.  I'm used to it.  It was my decision to stop sharing the bedroom with him. 
  
  Thank you for the hugs.
  
  I didn't know you were a piano player.  Next thing you know, you'll be running off to play keyboards with Keith.
  
  Rc,
  Thank you for the hug.
  
  CW
  

• queenparanoia said on Apr 19, 2009....

  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

• wishyouwerehere said on Apr 19, 2009....

  Oh CW - I listen to this song myself from time to time.
   
  "He knows it is important to me.  That is why it hurts when he doesn't make much effort"  This really resonated with me - it can kill slowly to know that they know something hurts but are still unwilling to extend themselves.
   
  I don't want to intensify the hurt, but are you planning your escape, my dear?  The pain from my divorce is difficult sometimes, but it's well-contained, unlike the constant hurts of everyday neglect and having the door closed in my face.  No matter how strong you are, you cannot possibly carry the full weight of a marriage without the investment of the other partner.  Now I get to use my strength for moving forward instead of trying to tread water while my ex- poured even more over my head.
   
  Great big hugs - Wishy

• wishyouwerehere said on Apr 19, 2009....

  And hey - it isn't whining - don't buy into that.  These are reasoable expectations. 

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 19, 2009....

  queen,
  Thank you.
  
  wishy,
  I've made plans a couple of times and they've fallen through.  So, I regroup and plan again.  When I go, I want to be financially sound.  It's taking me a while to do that.
  
  Thank you for your support.
  
  CW
  

• MissMimi said on Apr 19, 2009....

• MissMimi said on Apr 19, 2009....

  This thing with SC eating comments is starting to be annoying. 
   
  Hope you're feeling brighter, my friend.  I was thinking about you last night while I was knitting.

• ALLUPINYOU said on Apr 19, 2009....

  damn CW i hate when we are represented so poorly. u stood up to CW's obligations as a family member. the really shiity fact is that in a time of need , family or otherwise he still forgot that you are still a woman. i appoligize on the behave of all those fuckers that don't you know the wonderfulness of a strong woman in her own strenghts. fuck him, you have to be the best CW for CW
  bottom line
  
  ALL

• Dauntless said on Apr 19, 2009....

  I really feel for you CW! The way he's acting is completely immature, thoughtless and blatant ignorance! I don't know the in's and out's of the situation but a little effort or even just common decency goes a long way! Like you said, after 11 years you shouldn't have to tell him, and damn straight!
  
  Every gentleman knows that ladies like to be treated just that way, like a lady! Regardless of any bluster and pooh pooh's they do.
  
  CW, I'm so sorry you're going through what you are and I hope you get the happiness and joy you deserve! {{{{{hugs}}}}}
  

• Hegemone said on Apr 19, 2009....

  For the record, you don't whine too much.

• Zayda said on Apr 19, 2009....

  Oh, CW. The problem is not you; it's never been you. It's all him. /sigh
  
  
  It's absolutely not too much to ask to be treated a little extra special on your anniversary even if you were helping your parents out with their new home. Hell, it's not too much to ask to go to dinner today or later this week to celebrate.
  
  
  Quite frankly, that man is just an idiot when it comes to relating to you and your needs.

• markman said on Apr 19, 2009....

  Zayda, no the problem is always yourself. CW has to realize that staying with him is HER problem. CW can blog about her husband and his bad behavior for the next ten years and it will not change his behavior one bit. She has no control over what he is doing with his life, she only has control over her life. He is living life exactly as he wants it. He enjoys farming and that's what he does all day long. And he has a free maid. He wouldn't even notice her absence as long he has a warm meal and clean clothes.
  Is CW living the life she wants to? Apparently not. CW can change her life once she realizes that the situation she is in is HER problem.
  Once you start blaming others for the mess you are in it starts to paralyze you. Blaming others takes you out of the driver's chair.

• dyingman said on Apr 19, 2009....

  A year seems a long time to wait.
  Is it impossible to grab the bull by the horns?
  Plan a night for two for your sake.
  Set it all up and ask him to do one little thing to surprise you.  A flower.
  Not a rose or carnation.  Know the flower's name.  Be ready to say why you bought it.
  
  Romance can be learned.  With practice, even a lunkhead can pretend to be a Romeo.
  
  I once thought guys should set up signals for themselves.
  When you get passed by an ambulance when driving.  Buy her flowers.
  
  When you flip radio stations an the same song or commercial is on the other one, tell her you love her for no reason.
  
  You're a robot obeying commands of the universe but you have the appearance of spontaneity. 
  
  I don't buy Dyingwife flowers except for Valentine's Day.  We're always broke.  But once upon a time, this might have worked for me.
  
  The concept of not tending to her is alien to me.   I live with her.  I need her to be happy and to feel loved.  Even the small amount I can manage.  I'm married.  It's going to stay that way.  I need to make it a good thing.  It puzzles me no end that other fellows don't see it the exact same way.
  
  
  
  

• Reddpaw said on Apr 19, 2009....

  that suks.
  I read your blog and tears filled my eyes.
  Every woman is beautiful.  And deserves the love of her chosen mate. Even if it is once a year. I wish you luck with this, as I am at a loss for words on how to assist.
  
  Peace and Love,
  Redd
  

• crybabylu said on Apr 19, 2009....

  {{{{ hugs }}}}

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 19, 2009....

  Mimi,
  Life goes on.  I set about making some plans for my Etsy site by purchasing some new yarn today and a new handy little knitting gadget.  I am almost finished with a hat that will be my first item for sale on Etsy. 
  
  I have designated you as guinea pig for my next project.  Do you like blue?
  
  All,
  He really has forgotten that I'm a woman with womanly needs.  I've tried to clue him in, but I just don't get through to him. I get very frustrated.
  
  Hegemone,
  Thank you.
  
  Zayda,
  He doesn't get me.  I guess I have to accept that.  I'm spinning my wheels trying to explain myself to him all the time.
  
  markman,
  You are right.  Change will start with me.  I'm not oblivious to that fact.  I know what I have to do.  I blog to work out my feelings and to wrap my mind around what path I need to take.  There are two sides to every story.  I've never, ever claimed to be perfect.  However, I am honest about my life.
  
  dyingman,
  He's a very slow learner in the romance department.  I've tried to teach by doing without much success. 
  
  I'm glad that you and your wife have a good thing going on.
  
  Redd,
  Thank you. I'll find my way eventually.
  
  Cry,
  Thank you.
  
  CW
  

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 19, 2009....

  dauntless,
  Sorry I missed responding to you in my last list of comments.
  
  Thank you for the hugs and support.  I really do think he should have an inkling of what makes me tick by now.  I get down about it sometimes.
  
  CW
  

• TheConfessor said on Apr 20, 2009....

  Hi CW

  I have been reading your blog for sometime now and today i have started my own and would like to add a comment. Its been really tough going for you. Sorry for that.But i would like to say this to you .Your life is only yours , only you can decide what to do with it, nobody can design it or destroy it but yourself. You need to be proud of yourself and believe that you are responsible for your happiness. There is nothing that can make you you sad or depressed if you choose not to let yourself bogged down.

  One more thing is to know what you want no matter what happens is: whether you want to live with your husband, do you love him enough that just the thought that you stay together is enough for you? if so then drop all the expectations from him. smile and  be normal with him when you want otherwise create your own world, read lots of books it would help grow your sense of self worth. and when some discussion or argument arises try to play in such a way that the ball is in his court, so that he doesnt blame you for anything at any stage of your life. (i learnt this trick from my husband :))

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 21, 2009....

  Confessor,
  I am pleasant to my husband.  I do what I need to do to get along.  The problem is that we are cordial roommates and not so much a couple sharing life.  I do read a lot of books and live in my own little world.  He lives in his.  I don't believe that I can live with someone and not be affected by that relationship.  However, I do accept responsibility for my own life choices.
  
  CW
  

• starchini said on Apr 21, 2009....

  How come you didnt tell him you wanted to celebrate your anniversary?  I think you dont realize how dumb most men really are...?...

  Again, it was my first thought....

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 21, 2009....

  starchini,
  I did tell him.  I truly did.
  
  CW
  

• starchini said on Apr 22, 2009....

  oh, well then what a butthead!  Again, i think he needs a good smack upside the head! 

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 22, 2009....

  starchini,
  He can be a little dense sometimes.  There's no denying that.
  
  CW
  

• mOOn_platOOn said on May 03, 2009....

  O

  I was empathizing with CW and agreeing with Markman then I came upon Starch's comment "I think you dont realize how dumb most men really are...?"

  Dumb? Because we can't predict or anticipate or deduce your expectations and needs?

  If by that standard we are dumb, when we apply the same test to women in figuring us out, you're retarded.

  We've got women figured out because you dance around between extremes. It's just a matter of identifying the present swing and pulling out the right handling method.

  Why should farm hubby feel pressed? He's always got the sheep. I euphemize. But let's face it, ladies write flowery lite porn and men whack off to hard porn, and that's what's going on around the farm tonight.

  Does this starchninny make sweeping generalizations about whole populations regularly - - - or is this just the pendulum swinging way out for the moment?

  And yeah, CW - you have no kids, right?

  Get the hell out of there.

  O

• CreativeWoman said on May 03, 2009....

  mOOn,
  Is markman one of your personalities?
  
  I did not make any sweeping generalizations about men here, nor have I ever.  I write about my own life and you can draw whatever conclusions you want from that.
  
  You and starchini are both entitled to your opinions. 
  
  I know that when I write about very personal things, I open myself up to these sorts of judgments.
  
  So, thanks for commenting. 
  
  CW

• mOOn_platOOn said on May 03, 2009....

  O

  I was referring to starch as the generalizer, CW. And of course everyone except you is one of my personalities. I'm SoulCast's only full-time writer and they only unlock the chain twice a day.

  My legend exceeds me.

  O

• CreativeWoman said on May 03, 2009....

  mOOn,
  Point taken. 
  
  Poor thing.  I'll bet they only give you bread and water too.
  
  CW
  

• daddy's_girl said on Jul 26, 2009....

  With just th title of your blog, I knew you were hurting.... I wouldn't knw how to ease your pain but I know the pain you're feeling when things go that way with a loved one... Go on and cry, cry it all out. It doesn't man that you are weak.. After you'v cried shake it off girl... Soon it will get better... 

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 27, 2009....

  daddy's girl,
  The pain is still there but I think my soul is starting to get numb to it.
  
  CW
  

• daddy's_girl said on Jul 30, 2009....

  CW, 
  I know the pain is difficult to erase... and I know the feeling of getting numb with too much pain... i've been there and I've told myself that I have moved on but sometimes the thought of that feeling, or the person who has cost you that pain brings it back that it kinda pricks your heart even after a long time... I think pain is inevitable and will always be there. Don't be afraid of getting hurt, feeling pain and feeling the blues, or letting your tears fall... Its a reminder/a sign that you still have a heart and you are human. 
  Don't worry, time will heal the pain CW...
  Take care, Smile for me....

• CreativeWoman said on Jul 30, 2009....

  daddy's girl,
  Thank you for being supportive.  I do need to find things to make me feel alive sometimes.  Music sometimes helps.  Other times I get into a mode where I pretend everything is alight, just like a Stepford Wife.
  
  CW
  

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