I am soooo very frustrated. I can't write what I want to write, what I need to write. I think it would be good therapy for me to write about what happened to me when I was a baby, the cancer and the brain stem damage and everything after that. But I don't want to write it as nonfiction or even as a memoir. I want to write it as a novel. Fiction.

I have the characters all mapped out. I have the setting. I don't have an outline. I have a few pages of computer scribbling., maybe even a few hundred, if I added them all up. I have no idea where I want to start and where I want to end up. Okay. I lie. I want to start with the diagnosis and end high school graduation or something like that.

Most people say, "Write what you know." They left out the part that writing what you know is one of the toughest jobs you could ever have.

One idea I have is to have a family member co-write the novel. I want my sister. But she's busy with high school, sports, and friends. She doesn't have the time. Me, on the other hand, all I have is time on my hands. I don't work. I'm a master time--waster. Days go by without me writing anything, and the frustration builds up inside.

How hard can it be to write a novel? Harder than it seems. I'm just fiddling with words here and I don't know what I want to say or even put out there in the world. I need guidance. I know God's here with me, but He's telling me to GO, ASK, REACH OUT. Go where? Ask who? Who do I reach out to?