• wombat said on Apr 09, 2009....

  I can't imagine someone saying that to you.  I'm sorry to hear about it, but here's one blogger who remains your blog friend, and I hope those uncalled for remarks won't keep you away.

• Lucytorial said on Apr 09, 2009....

  Who's the cunt that said it CW
   
  I have never thought that and never heard anyone say it, quite frankly that would not only hurt me I'd be absolutely fruious at someone even suggesting it.
   
  You're one of the most honest people I know here CW, you've grown and changed a lot of the last few years as for people NOT knowing you and NOT using their pea brains show them for who they are honey... I for one would hate to see you leave.

• woman said on Apr 09, 2009....

  Oh CW. Ridiculous. When people say ridiculous things, ignore them. I assume this came from someone you are not that close to. Let it go.

  For God's sake, you were writing about yarn yesterday....How seductive is that??

• nytquill17 said on Apr 09, 2009....

  I understand how stupid sh*t even from strangers can hurt.  Especially to those of us who need to be approved and appreciated to feel comfortable in our skin (yes yes it's unhealthy but I can't just turn it off!)  Today some idiot sighing at me in the grocery store had me down for a couple of hours.  I can't imagine how you're hurting after something like this.
  
  But I can say that whoever said this about you is someone who is obviously not close enough to know better.  It sounds suspiciously like either a troll or someone who's jealous of you, and the only way they know to assuage their misery is to try and make you miserable instead.  Anyway if it's someone who's not close enough to you to know better, it's someone who's not close enough to you to be worth giving a damn what they think.  It shouldn't hurt, but it does.  I wonder if in part because (and I identify entirely with this) when you don't believe in your heart of hearts that you are loveable or good enough, all it takes is one person suggesting you aren't and every semblance of self-confidence falls apart.  You begin to suspect that your fears and suspicions about yourself and your "worthiness" are grounded, that those negative voices in your head that never really stop talking are telling the truth.
  
  Take your time, work through the hurt and the uncertainty.  It's real and it does matter.  Just don't give them the satisfaction of actually getting to you in any meaningful way in the end (i.e. making you leave).  You know in some corner of your brain that the rest of us care about you, that we like you and think you ARE good enough.  It's not even a question.  Though believe me, I know that it doesn't make much difference right now.  It's still the truth.  That is one person out of all the rest of us that thinks that way, and chances are it's not someone you were close to, someone you trusted - not a betrayal in other words - just plain old meanness.
  

• beyondtheveil said on Apr 09, 2009....

  CW- I've never had that impression about you, in fact the thought has never entered my mind. Nor have I heard anything. I hope you don't let some gossip chase you away. 

• Me-Myself&I said on Apr 09, 2009....

  i can feed myself too CW. if i became a blogging slut, it would only be for the sex! lol!!!!!

  if these assholes read you, they would know you are a honest, good hearted woman. if men flock to you, you are just that desireable! ....trying to make you *smile*!

  i am so sorry that small minds hurt you. i too have love for some here and by george .... i don't care what anyone think!

  it sure doesn't mean i'm "in need"! screw that. if i flirt, get down and dirty, it is good for my soul to feel ....good about myself.

  please don't go anywhere. i would miss you. ......up theirs! take care

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 09, 2009....

  It came from someone that was a friend that doesn't post here anymore.  I was told that they know for a fact that more than one person gave such a warning as I've described.
  
  If I've painted myself as such a user, I am truly sorry. I may write of Prince Charming but I'm not naive enough to think there is one out there on a white horse waiting to charge in for me.
  
  Spilling my heart out just gets me labeled.
  
  CW
  

• woman said on Apr 09, 2009....

  CW. I always read you. Never have I felt you were a woman looking for a man or even a thrill on SC. Actually you always seem a little reserved to me. When you have been a little bold I am always very surprised BUTmy goodness, there a so many flirty, fun, young ladies here. Why the heck would you stand out? If this info came from a former blogger, good riddance.

• woman said on Apr 09, 2009....

  And CW. You said that comment came from a FRIEND???? Come on.

• GrapeKoolaid said on Apr 09, 2009....

  Silly... 
  
  You've written about your life.  You're using SoulCast exactly the way it was meant to be used.  You broadcast your soul here.  Is there a part of you that is not happy in your current station?  Yes.  Do you long for something better?  Yes.  Does that make you some man-chasing cyberslut?  Not at all. 
  
  What it does make you is a person who strives to better herself.  To not be satisfied with the way things are.  It takes great courage to rock the boat.  Even gently. 
  
  That's a great thing.  :)
  

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 09, 2009....

  The truth is that I need this place.  All that stuff gets jammed down inside of me if I don't have a release for it.
  
  Take tonight for example, I ate food that was bad for my blood sugar on purpose because I wasn't allowing myself to come back here.  It was some sort of messed up self-punishment.
  
  Thank you to all of you who have given me support and took the time to comment.
  
  It's a good thing that SC doesn't allow us to nuke the whole thing at once or I would have.
  
  I'm oversensitive.  I know that.  I have a constant stream of hurt running through me and sometimes it splashes out of the banks and I have a little flood.  Please forgive me.
  
  CW
  

• Zayda said on Apr 09, 2009....

  Two things CW:
  
  
  There is nothing to forgive you for. This space is yours to use as you see fit. If that means you want to use it to talk about your darkest moments, your biggest fears, your dreams, your heart's desires, then by God you do it.
  
  I have never thought of you in that way.
  
  
  Here's what I see: a wonderfully compassionate person who is struggling to like herself as much as we like her and who is trying to find her way again because she's so unhappy in a marriage that she went into because she thought it would be what she wanted and needed.
  
  
  We've watched you grow and learn to stand more on your own two feet, finding ways to supplement your income and trying new ways when some of the ventures didn't work.
  
  
  I'm so sorry you have been hurt by this.

• Twylarants said on Apr 09, 2009....

  Small minds, CW, small minds...that's all they are.  Rise above it, you're way too good a person to let small minds get you down.
  If anyone were to talk about me I hope they spice it up and make me sound more interesting than I am...lol.
  

• woman said on Apr 09, 2009....

  Twlya~Isn't that the truth. Do you want me to start a really interesting post about you???

• uniquely-ironic said on Apr 09, 2009....

  CW, this makes me so angry.  I'm shocked that anyone would be so vicious.  I think that the pathetic jerk who started this one must know that you are loved by many here, including me.  Please don't give this worm the satisfaction of leaving us with an empty spot in our family.

• travelr712 said on Apr 09, 2009....

  i for one have never felt unsafe around you cw. in fact, i often wonder why we don't talk anymore, i miss it. most of us who have been here awhile have had terrible things said about us. i'm a stalker of impressionable young girls in case you've forgotten, and there have been many sc'ers who were more than happy to discuss that very fact on the pm rumor mill. the best way to give people like that what they want cw, is to leave. look at it this way. you're one of the most popular people here, you've been in the top 10 since i joined. someone has something like that to say about you, it just means they're jealous of your success. if they run you off, then they've accomplished their goal. you wanna let that happen, and deprive all the people who care about you of your posts and your presence? that's not the woman i know.

• rupert7 said on Apr 09, 2009....

  CW your one of the kindest ladies here! Don't even think of leaving because of some ignoramus. Your an institution here, a national treasure! Your not going anywhere....unless we all go with you,in which case you might as well stay.
  
  {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
  

• the_infernal_optimist said on Apr 09, 2009....

  Anyone who honestly thinks that, has no idea who you are.
  
  ((hugs))
  
  Don't you let them ruin something that you want to keep, alright? Don't give them that power. You're stronger than that and it wouldn't be the same without you. Venting is perfect; venting lets us try to right the wrong that some unthinking...person...set in motion.
  
  ~Infernal
  

• TheNakedProfessor said on Apr 09, 2009....

  Does this mean that you won't return to the space station and be my weightless sex toy in orbital orgasm forevermore?

• polarheart said on Apr 10, 2009....

  CW, well you know I have been out of the loop for some time now, but one thing has not changed in my opinion -  -  - the people who really matter would never be so judgemental and cruel. 
   
  Those people can think whatever they want, but the truth remains the same.  The truth is something that shines from your heart and is apparent to those people here who really care about you.
   
  So, my friend, just forget the rest.
   
  PH x

• MissMimi said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Well, CDub, you already know what I think about this.  I'd sure love to get my hands on the "friend" who felt the need to repeat such hurtful crap. 

  They obviously don't know you.  Totally their loss because you're one of the most emotionally honest, caring people I know.

  this just pisses me the hell off on your behalf.

  (If you leave, I will organize a posse to bring you back into the fold.)

• PAPERBACKWRITER said on Apr 10, 2009....

  
  Ugh, I just saw this now, CDub. :(
  
  
  (((((((hugs)))))))))
  
  
  (I am sorry if I will be repeating what has been said already...I have not read any comment above me)
  
  
  I don´t know why the "friend" had the need to say that to you.  That in itself is questionable of the sincerity of the friendship.
  
  
  If I heard those words spoken over a friend, I will try to squelch the nasty rumour, and not let my friend hear of it because 1. it is negative, untrue and will not help my friend, 2. I would rather spend time being with you talking about positive plans of the future (i.e visualisation of how life would be when your hopes and dreams have been realised).
  
  
  You have time and again given inspiration with your writings, your honesty.  I have already told you that you were one of those who positively influenced my life.  I turn to you when I am in need of an honest and intelligent opinion because I have experienced your sincerity and genuiness through the years.
  
  
  The SC community would not be the same if you leave.  Your  presence makes a huge difference here.
  
  
  <3
  
  paper ~
  
  
  
  
  

• Mamie said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Cw...ignore the haters, and the friend who shared the tidbit doesn't know how it is...you will get clarity since this is what these little life experiences teach us...clarity! Miss you! Talk with you soon!

• fragglesrock said on Apr 10, 2009....

  WHAAAAAT?!?!

  damn! cw if this is true you will you pleeeeease give me some lessons ;-)

  gawd cw, that's just snortingly ridiculous.  i can honestly say that i have never ever ever ever ever EVER perceived you that way....but maybe those secret vixen skills don't work on other women ;)

  please, please, please, try and see their comment for what it is...jealousy infused malarky.

• RollingC said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Hey Cdub....I never thought of you as that way but I do want to tell you that it sounds like whomever told you that is trying to get your goat (and it sounds like it worked).
  I don't think of you that way.
  Rc
  

• ALIENated said on Apr 10, 2009....

  
  How many nights have I hovered over your place? If you were looking for
  an easy way out, you would have just grabbed that ladder when I dropped
  it down. Making negative statements is easy. Ignoring them is hard. Your
  negative aquaintance is most likely jealous of your standing here.
  
  

• gingersoul said on Apr 10, 2009....

  CW.......one word.......nonsense.
  
  Print it out and put it on top of your computer.....
  
  Oh, and this one too.......whatever....
  
  You know who you are, we know who you are and that idiota don't know a iota about you. 'Nuff to say. 
  
  Ignore. Delete. Throw it the recycle bin.
  
  

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 10, 2009....

  I am overwhelmed by your kindness.
  
  Now that I've had a chance to sleep on it, I'm feeling better.  It does matter to me what this community thinks of me.  Maybe it shouldn't, but it does.  I have made friendships here that have enriched my life.  Obviously, there is at least one that is toxic and I will be rectifying that.
  
  Anonymity doesn't last long here once you make friends.
  
  I have always been one to ask questions when I want to know something.  When this came to my attention, I wanted to be direct.  I often feel that I float on the fringes of the tight knit groups here and I thought maybe that people might think my blogging has ulterior motives.
  
  I am a very lonely person.  Maybe my neediness for human connection comes across negatively to some. Perhaps I sometimes share things that I shouldn't. Sometimes my heart probably wanders where it shouldn't too. 
  
  I am only human.  I make glaring mistakes, but I try to own them.
  
  Some of you said that I don't like myself very much and that is why this hurts so much.  You are probably right.
  
  I really have a hard time thinking anyone would be jealous of me.  If they walked in my shoes, they would kick them off pretty quickly.
  
  However, I do thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here for me.  It means a lot.
  
  CW
  

• Hegemone said on Apr 10, 2009....

  CW I'm only sorry here at first that I've come to this post so late.  I'm outraged that somebody would make these accusations at you.  This is your place to post, and if you choose to fill your heart so be it.  I agree with the previous mentioned thoughts that if people took a chance to read you and really take into consideration your thoughts and feelings they would see that you are not that way at all, you're an honest woman who happens to be in a bad circumstance and is trying to make the best of it.  It just completely outrages me that somebody would say this to you.  Where do they get off thinking they're so qualified to judge you?  I really hope that this situation doesn't chase you off, I've so enjoyed getting to know you and would terribly miss seeing your posts.  I can see that you've calmed down somewhat, but getting past something like this takes time, and I completely understand if you're cautious with posts from now on, but please don't just disappear.  You mentioned its a good thing you can't just nuke the whole site because you were upset, because you would have ... it's good I can't get a hold of who said whatever and pop 'em because I'd do it and probably a few more times than necessary too.  This is your blog, you are you, you live how you live, you do what you need to do and if others don't like it tough shit, they're not you and they don't live your life or put up with what you do.  If they're so worried about it, well, then that's just one less person you need to be dealing with.  Grrr, I'm going to continue rambling if I don't stop myself .... please take care CW ... I am just a PM away if you choose that you're not comfortable with writing posts for a while.  Seriously, anytime.  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

• CayenneMan said on Apr 10, 2009....

  
       I know you better then that , you're to strong a woman to fall for that painful bait. All it can offer you is confusion which is probably what it was meant to seek. I know you see through that crap and so does everybody else. Live you're life to the best of your ability and close off your world to negativity. That's what I do and it works for me.
  
  

• koneko said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Hi CW,
  
  I don't know you nor have I read any of your previous blogs.  The title of this one just happened to grab me from the front page.
  
  I'm so sorry someone said such a thing to you.  I think it sounds as if someone was either making things up or twisting the words of others in an effort to hurt you, and unfortunately it worked.
  
  Those closest to us can hurt us the most and I'm sorry if someone took advantage of that.  However, if you say you are stubborn enough to wait until you can walk out on your own with no help from anyone, then I believe you are also stubborn enough to form your own opinion of yourself and not let anyone sway you from it.
  
  You seem to have quite a support group here and I hope they've helped to give you the encouragement that you needed to remember who you are, regardless of the words thrown at you.
  
  Good luck with everything!
  

• wishyouwerehere said on Apr 10, 2009....

  "The truth is that I need this place.  All that stuff gets jammed down inside of me if I don't have a release for it."
   
  Me too, CW - don't let some ignorant comment take that away from you.  All I see in your posts are an honest strength.  Sometimes, people talk about other people because they don't have the courage to examine their own space and face what they're all about.  Don't buy into it - you know the truth about yourself.  It's never come across as cyber-whoring to me, in fact, having come from a very painful marriage myself, I have nothing but admiration for you.
   
  I would really miss it a lot if you stopped posting.
   
  Love, Wishy
  

• MsStar39 said on Apr 10, 2009....

  CW whoever told you that is not a friend, I hope that you overlook the meaness and
   apparent jealousy of your popularity on soulcast,
  
  You are a wonderful person, we love you you and soulcast would not be the same without you.
  

• secretlife said on Apr 10, 2009....

  *glad you're feeling better today*   :-)
  Happy Easter!

• SlickNick said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Hey just wanted to say I for one hope that you don't leave. I have never been one to judge anyone. Who am I to judge when I have a list of issues myself. I hope that you give it a second thought before leaving us. It's obvious that a lot of others feel the same about you and would definitely feel a void if you left. Whatever happens I hope things do work out for you. I hope you can find happiness no matter what you do. Happy Easter and keep bloggin'

• Expendable said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Whoever told you that is an idiot. enough said.
   
  Isn't it amazing the ways we find to punish ourselves? Especially when it's all over something somebody else said? Why do we even listen to them anyway? Why do we let them tear us down? And why does it hurt so much?
   
  ~big zen hugs~
   
  Be yourself. And think of something fun to tell your so-called "friend" to go do to themselves. Repeatedly.

• CreativeWoman said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Thank you all.  I hope you really do fathom how much you mean to me.
  
  I will stay.
  
  CW
  

• speaking_up said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Wow, two words come to mind...Passive Aggressive
   
  To quote you hon..."Maybe I just won't darken this doorstep anymore."
  
  shut up! (laughing)
   
  and,
   
  methink though doeth protest too much!
   
  But what I really want to say is don't take what people in here tell you seriously...come on!  This is a cess pool for cyber abuse...suck it up and keep on keeping on!
   
  (((hugs)))

• LonelyWanderer said on Apr 10, 2009....

  Oh my life! That's so Harsh! I'm sorry to hear that some1 has said such things to you!

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