i've been pretty angry the last week or so,.....i've gone between anger and my own little pitty party,....

with the weather change, i started feeling icky around tuesday,....but i just ignored it,.....
wed morning i met blair at the gym,.....
i'm tryin to get into better shape,....i know my body is in good shape, but i want it to be better,....healthier,......i've always eaten well,.....but since the recent scare i know the better off my body is, the better off i am,......i need to be stronger,...leaner,.....not just thin
i've cut out all the refined sugar and processed white flour from my diet,....sans booze,...which i have even cut back on
i've not had a cig in two weeks,....and i'm ok with that,....
anyway,....blair,...the gym,.....we get our workouts in,......i push her, and she's startin to feel comfortable enough to push me too,.....which i hate to admit i need,.....jeff, the gym guy, has been keepin an eye on me,...and i'm startin to feel comfortable with more than just my ususal ton of cardio

i've got to run down mom's,...feed that cat, who just had babies, and check on the farm while she's out of town,.....i ask blair to come along,......
its almost like a big savannah's tour,.....blair has never been home with me before and only knows what i've told her of freestone county,.....i'm glad she came,.....i showed her where i grew up,....she wanted to see the post office,......we hit up the corner i used to sell peaches on,......ate at the cafe,....ran into asa, cullen, and the boys,....checked out the newspaper,.....just made the rounds,.....it felt good to show her where i came from, and she says it makes she feel like she understands me more

by lunch i'm feelin the sinus junk move through my head,.....blair, being every bit as maternal as i am, insists i lay on her couch for the rest of the night,.....

cat in lap, i lay there as she cooks dinner for her brother, sister, and i,......salmon, rice, asparagus, and some salad,....she makes me watch this crazy sci fi western series she has on dvd,.....i hate to admit i kinda get sucked in,.....

thursday was my surgery, which i dont really have much to say about,....they cut,.....they'll prolly cut some more,.....i guess this is just my life now,....

its now sunday,....and i've spent the last two in bed,......thought it was time i saw the sunlight,......i had to admit that gettin a pedi and grocery shoppin have taken it out of me,.....i should be back at work tuesday,...but even that i think will be half a day in the morning,.....

blair's been here every day,...mainly to make sure i eat something i think,......shes as good a cook as i am,..so i'm grateful,.....

turns out she also washes clothes,...she did two loads when i fell asleep saturday

the only thing that bothers me about her is when she gets all jesus freak on me,......she thinks the reason i'm unhappy, need male conpanionship, and have fallen inlove with someone who is emotionally and physically inavalible is because i need  to have stronger faith,....and a realtionship with god,....

its sweet she worries about my soul,....but i keep tellin her i'll be fine, jesus loves me, and i love him,....and in the long run i'm a good person, so we'll be fine

she just shakes her head at me, and asks if she can do anything else for me,......
someday i hope to be as forgiving and giving as blair,......just not in the 28 year old home schooled virgin way,....bless her pure heart

i sure do i like to lay on her couch,....even if there are more cats than humans,......