Leave it to me to go to a site that throws the words "uncensored blogging" at me, and censor myself. I'm bullshit, I'm inhuman, I'm a fucking lie if there ever was one.

 

So let me stop pretending and let me spill my blood onto the keyboard in the form of every thing I hate about myself, every secret I push to the back of my mind, and most of all, my cronic failures.

 

Over and over again I fuck up. I get people on my side and then cry when they suffer from watching me spiral downhill farther and farther. I can't believe I lie to myself so much that I'd even dress myself up in a virtual room of people who don't know me and never have to.

 

So here's what I REALLY want to say to Emily:

 

 If you spend one more second of  your life bitching and bringing everybody down, I swear to god, I will shoot myself right in front of you, JUST to fuck with you.

 

I love you, but life is                                NOT that bad.

 

And I don't give a damn how much you love your mom, she's a fucking monster, she's a horrible person and I hope to god you'll be nothing like her

 

                                                          ...but I know you will be...

 

I'm NOT so fucked up that you have to go out of your way to make me seem like a trainwreck to other people. You talk about me as if I'm huddled in a gutter shooting heroin and giving blow jobs to afford it.

 

I'll be fine. You don't have to carry me on your shoulders. I asked you a long time ago not to try to help me, because I knew you would only end up hurt.

 

That's all. I hope you can figure out your own life, so you don't have to hate yourself anymore.

 

 

I feel better...I feel like a bitch...but at least I got it out.