• D6fer said on Mar 29, 2009....

  sounds like you are disappointed that your friend does not feel the same about Don as you do.......we tend to surround ourselves with people that think like we do.......you've either got to get over your bad feelings for Don, or get over your feelings for your friend and find someone else to spend your time with.......sounds like Becky has you figured out pretty well and was avoiding telling you because she knew (or could sense) what your feelings for Don are, and does not want to damage your relationship, but at the same time wants to have a relationship with Don......it's a tightrope act....and not easy to do.....just ask yourself if your hatred for Don is worth holding on to at the expense of your relationship with Becky......it may be time to forgive and forget.

• barbeee said on Mar 29, 2009....

  Thank you D6fer but I've never been the type of person who does the forgive and forget thing. I'm glad I hadn't become even closer to Becky because this would have hurt worse. If she can betray me this new into our friendship, I will save myself alot of potentual future heart ache by not letting this friendship go any further.It's not realy that I hate Don more then I hate the idea of Becky being in my Aunts home, surrounded by her things, looking at my baby pictures hanging on her walls and sleeping with her husband in her bed, ya know. I guess I feel that my Aunt's memory is being disrespected.

• D6fer said on Mar 29, 2009....

  well need I remind you of the marriage contract that your aunt and uncle had?
  Until death do you part, gives him the right to move on with his life and choose another mate should he choose to do so......Would you rather he take all of your aunts things and put them in an attic and forget about them? Should he sell the bed and get a new one?.....and what about your aunt? would she want that?
  I don't see this as a betrayal at all.....this is simply two people that have a connection exercising their right to the pursuit of happiness.
  Look, I know that forgiving is hard....forgetting is even harder....but it is necessary if you ever want personal peace and happiness.......this situation is what it is, and your attitude of indifference towards Becky is a pattern in your life that no doubt costs you countless friendships that could have materialized but didn't.....you said that the only friend in your life is your mom....that is sad....my guess is, that this comment I am posting right now will make you feel defensive, instead of taking it for the constructive advice of which it is intended.
  
  In other words: You push people away either consciously or subconsciously and justify it by finding fault in them, rather than tasking responsibility for your own actions that contribute to the destruction of your close personal relationships.
  

• Hegemone said on Mar 29, 2009....

  Well, first of all I'm led to encourage you to really delve into WHY it is bothering you so much.  Maybe it has to do with missing your aunt and feeling its too soon?  Its really easy to say that you wouldn't have a problem with something when its not actually happening.  I'd say in this situation you guys need to be open with each other, and if you do get around to talking about it further, explain to her that you didn't think you'd be upset by it, but are finding that it is bothering you a bit and that while you maybe don't want to hurt her, you just need some time to adjust and need her to understand that.  Hopefully she'll understand and you guys can take baby steps with this.  Maybe pinpointing just WHAT bothers you about it could help to work out a solution.  I hope this situation works itself out so that everybody involved comes off okay.

• MsStar39 said on Mar 29, 2009....

  Why do you feel betrayed?  You said he no longer was like any relations to you.
  it would be different if she was slipping and seeing him before your aunt died but if she didn't you need to let them move on with their lives.
  If he was abusive to your aunt he will soon be abusive to her.
  

• travelr712 said on Mar 30, 2009....

  really, who you have sex with is none of your friend's business, and the same in reverse. it's none of your business who she sleeps with. if she tells you at all, it means that she trusts you more than most people. i guess what i'm saying is that you don't 'deserve' to know about her love life, so you can't possibly be betrayed if she doesn't tell you. 5 days is a very short time for her to decide to tell you, and perhaps she was reluctant because she was afraid you might react like this?

• barbeee said on Mar 30, 2009....

  D6fer, boy you hit the nail on the head. Your comment did not make me feel defensive it made me feel sad and reflect on all my past relationships and see them differently. Yes they all ended with me getting hurt and pushing them away for it. It is sad that my mom is my only friend but even as I write this I know that this flaw in me is not something that I can just change. I do push people away, I always have and can't seem to stop, it's not that I haven't tried. No matter how hard I try, after I get hurt I can't stop considering them unworthy and I find myself holding back, like a door that gets shut and won't open back up. It has costs me many friends..
    Hegemone, I do miss my Aunt very much, she died in that house. I watched her take her last breath and six months seems like yesterday to me.
   Perhaps I can try what you suggested and talk this out with Becky and take baby steps. It's not that I don't want her to be happy and Don has been lonely since my aunts death, so if they make each other happy then they should be together.
    Your right travelr712 it is none of my business. It may not even last because like MsStar39 said he will probably get abusive with her too. Only time will tell maybe it'll work itself out.
  Thanks everyone for your comments

• Hegemone said on Mar 30, 2009....

  Right, I think you got what I was saying then Barb, it can work out for you all, everybody just needs to tread lightly and understand that you each want everybody to be happy, but yet you want your own selves to be happy to.  I wish you the best of luck.  ((Hug))

• javadewd said on Apr 29, 2009....

  What a crowd... Recommend some more light reading for you... Good luck!

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