• uniquely-ironic said on Mar 25, 2009....

  Hi S.B.  I think you'll find this place a good place to vent.  A lot of collective wisdom among it's members.
   
  I hear you on the stress of deciding whether to stay in or get out of the Corp.  Jobs aren't plentiful and at least you know what to expect with the military.  I guess you'll have to weigh the pros and cons and then make a decision.
   
  As for your wife, I'm afraid I'm a two time loser so I might not be the best person to listen to.  I do want to make the point though, that all people in relationships or not tend to be a great friend when things are going smoothly, but turn into monsters when there are difficulties.  I've heard from some of our long time committers that communication is the key to working through the rough patches.

• fragglesrock said on Mar 25, 2009....

  hi! welcome.  glad you found your way into soulcast. i'm in the same boat as uniquely-ironic, i have no advice worth sharing as my marriage didn't work out :)

• SoldierBoy said on Mar 25, 2009....

  hello unique thank you for your comment.  I wouldn't call you a two-time "loser"...just practice makes perfect, right?  But thank you for your advice or words of wisdom.  True very true about the whole monster thing.
   
  fragglerock, thank you also for commenting.  It's ok.  I guess its nice to know people in the same boat.  you guys are my first two commentors, so thanks a lot guys!

• starchini said on Mar 25, 2009....

  Hi soldier.  As far as deciding what to do with the marines,  i have no experience there and couldnt imagine the internal battle.  However, I recommend you send a message to seanrenaud, he too is a marine, er was...I actually do not know if hes still enlisted.  I dont think hes active as of now.  But im sure he would be able to offer you some excellent advice based on his personal experiences. 

  As far as the wifey...yes this is an excellent place to vent.  You can say everything you cant say in real life, here.  Im about to get married, so a'course im all about the rainbows and butterflies, blissfully nieve, yet level headed.  I can give my opinion, but know that its not from experience, just wisdom ive inherited from others who put it on me. 

  I agree with uni, communication is key.  Soulcast is a good way to get what you want to communicate out in the open.  Often when im upset I explode on soulcast and uni is all "talk to him about it!", or "dont be a bitch", (she thinks she knows everything : P)...then I do what she says and it all works out.  (i heart you uni). 

  Welcome to Soulcast!

• SpiritualMom said on Mar 25, 2009....

  SoldierBoy, Welcome to Soulcast! I havent been here long and I havent been here alot recently except for to vent! lol
   
  My father was in the military for about 16 years.. He did 7 tours in Nam.. I know the pros and cons of the military but without knowing your unique situation I have no advice on reenlisting or getting out.. I can tell you to do what you love doing.. If the Marines is what you love then stay as your heart is there.... But if you have another love, then find a way to do that... Work is always so much easier when you enjoy it!
   
  As for the marriage thing, my blogs will tell you that I've hit a bump there right now lol.... I have learned through my first marriage and the second one which I am currently in that honesty and trust are crucial to a good and stable relationship... Without them there is nothing...
   
  I wish you all the best and I will be looking in on you from time to time... Welcome!
   
  SpiritualMom

• scipio said on Mar 26, 2009....

  Welcome SB to SC.
  Hopefully, SC will guide you on almost all the matters pertaining to every aspect of one's life. It is upto you to decide the best course of action after you read all the answers to your queries.
  Sometimes after reading other people's blogs  - who will be happy with your share of fortunes or misfortunes ...  LOL
  Looking forward to read your blogs...
   
   
   

• scipio said on Mar 26, 2009....

  Read the last line as " you will be happy with your share ........etc. instead of 'who"

• kicksomedirtonit said on Mar 26, 2009....

  Welcome and thank you for serving.
  I really have no place offering marriage or military advice (as I don't have any experience with either). But I would have to say that first and foremost, I would want to do what I personally felt was best for my family (especially my children). Of course there's countless pros and cons to consider with both issues. I can only imagine that re-enlistment is one of the toughest decisions to make of all, and I wish you the best.
  I'm sure you'll find insight here throughout your stay.
  

• uniquely-ironic said on Mar 26, 2009....

  @ Star - you know I'm always right! ;) LOL

• beyondtheveil said on Mar 26, 2009....

  Hey soldier, welcome to SC. My son just got out of the army - 10th mountain division and spent 16 months in Afghanistan. As for the military, I guess you've considered whether or not you can stay employed if you get out, right?
  
  Your wife sounds a bit like my ex-wife so I don't have much to say except the second time around is wonderful. After ten years, I would just suggest the two of you concentrate seriously with each other on whether the marriage has a chance for long term success.
  

• SoldierBoy said on Mar 26, 2009....

  Starchini:  Hi! wow, thank you for the advise.  If and when I do get the time, I will definitely seek out SeanRenaud, so thank you for that.  I really do feel very welcomed here and you sound like an awesome girl.  Your fiance sounds very lucky and I wish you the best of luck and even more happiness in your marriage.  It definitely has it's ups and downs, but then again, we all signed up for it knowing this.  Some people have more highs than lows, other's...well, the statistics can testify to that.  I didn't know my wife well enough before we got married.  She's a New Yorker, and I'm from the South.  I felt pressured by her to marry her or she said I would lose her and at the time I didn't want to lose her.  So, the rest is history.  Not that I regret marrying her, but I wish I gave myself more time to prepare for marriage.  I certainly don't regret my two girls however.  Anyways, thank you so much for your kindness in welcoming me, looking forward to reading your blogs.
   
  Spiritualmom:  So you were either an army/navy/marine brat, huh?  Thank you for the valuable advice!  Sorry to hear that you've hit a bump in your current relationship, but I'm sure you'll get thru it.  I look forward to hearing from you again. 
   
  Scipio: Hey thanks buddy for your input, I appreciate it.  I'm sure you're right on that haha, but I will definitely look forward to your blogs as well.  Thanks again

• SoldierBoy said on Mar 26, 2009....

  kicksomedirt:  Don't worry about not having any experience in marriage, thank you for your comment, regardless!  Yeah, the decision is tough for me, but I don't want to make it out to be a huge burden, because I know lots of people are going through a lot worse compared to my little situation.
   
  beyondtheevil:  Well, my wife acts like a guy sometimes in that she doesn't like to talk about it, as opposed to me, and then I feel like I'm making a serious issue out of something I may not have to.  I don't know.  She confuses me to this day!  Well, if there IS a "second time around" for me, atleast I know it will be better, lol  But thank you for your advice. 

• queenparanoia said on Mar 26, 2009....

  welcome to soulcast soldierboy! you could vent here anytime you want. believe me you'll feel better afterwards... ;-)

• SoldierBoy said on Mar 26, 2009....

  queenparanoia:  thank you.  Wow, I feel incredibly welcome here by everyone.  Oh believe , I've already felt better after I posted yesterday.  Finally, a place where I can vent.  I wish I can log on here and vent SECONDS after she pisses me off, then I can REALLY vent, without that cool down period before posting.  haha

• Psych-ed said on Mar 26, 2009....

  Hi S. B. and welcome to SoulCast! This is definitely the right place to come and vent. Queen is right It will make you feel better. Good luck!

• one_wired_kitty said on Mar 26, 2009....

  Welcome, SoldierBoy!! I wish I could offer advice but I have none as I'm divorced.

• gingersoul said on Mar 26, 2009....

  SBoy....ok, it might be that its not that she doesn't like talking about...she doesn't know HOW talking about it to you......
   
  It might be that she prefers sorting  things out on her own because she is concerned she might tell you things she would regret later.....and she counts on you to understand this without she having to explaining it to you..
  She might have this belief that you should know her by now if you really loved her....she is harvesting resentment against you, maybe...hence the mean behavior you talk about..
  I know..its mind blobbing...but think about it..
   
  So....this is a hint for you.....as much as you are frustrated by her silence or behavior...insist,...insist..insist..
  It might eventually work.
   
  It will leave you exhausted but if you really love her and want the marriage work and improve it could be worth trying and trying ...otherwise ...find a solution for your own sake..
   
  I think she might be the kind of person who has communication and trust issues..
  Or probably the two of you are using two different communication channels..
  It happened in my marriage too...when the two of us figured out that we were using two completely different way of communicating it was too late..bye bye, amico..
   
  I suggest you also to talk her in seeing a couple therapist with you.....it might give her that outlet she needs and you seem unable to provide .....
   
   
  Btw...my ex husband was in the Navy and comes from the South as well as you....
  I am from Italy.....i think the different cultural-social backgrounds in a couple can play a role in the long run......
   
  And...what do you do to piss her off so much?...lol...
   
  Good luck and welcome here...:-)

• travelr712 said on Mar 26, 2009....

  hey sb. thank you for serving our country and all of us.
  your first problem is, this place is INCREDIBLY addictive, and you're already hooked! :-)
   
  one thing about women that we men overlook sometimes is that when they frustrate and confuse us, it actually makes us more interested, makes us work harder, know what i mean? i dare say you'd be much more unhappy if she bored you. as you read posts here, you'll see that no relationship is perfect, all have troubles both great and small, and yours is no different. but sometimes it helps to actually be able to talk to people who have the same feelings about it, then it doesn't seem like you're so alone.

• SpiritualMom said on Mar 26, 2009....

  LOL You got it SB I was an Army brat =) And your right, we will work it out.. Its what marriage is all about... If you love one another you work at it, sometimes you have to work harder than others and sometimes the give and take isn't always equal... Its a hard road to hold to have a good marriage but if you want it you can make it happen... God Bless, Hun!

• andora said on Mar 26, 2009....

  aloha soldierboy, welcome to Soul Cast
  
  thankyou for serving our Country...I bet u have some very interesting stories, i look forward to reading your posts too
  
  as far as your wife expressing extreme imbalance: my life's work is about the Battle of the Sexes. I give some very simple insight into the dysfunctional magnetics that you are up against. I published this information for free bc this issue has everyone by the short hairs. I am seriously unpopular here at SC because i refuse to speak the debilitating language of denial.
  
  the Battle of the Sexes is an electromagnetic paradox that has skewed any and all conversations attempting to identify this persistent dilemma
  
  my e-book called panGasm will help you to help your wife through this...however, if you are already invested in the second wife, if you are already to give up on what you have created, then by all means demonize the wife --- it works for many here bc they believe in human garbage, they believe in blaming the expressions of disturbance as a way of solving their problems. I have news for you and the others here that think expressions of extreme imbalance are actually the problem: Those among us who are expressing the truth about living in an environment of war are not the problem -- making war as a solution for the living is a paradoxical no-win situation that conscious women, who care about the world, cannot accept for any reason.
  
  As well, there is scientific evidence that the occupying force of any armed conflict suffers THE WORST SIDE AFFECTS of the conflict. Your wife is simply voicing the conflict that all mothers feel when confronted with this reality. She is frustrated and preparing to lose you. She is confused bc she was taught to deny the truth in favor of conforming to the group ethic. As we all know, the group ethic that is the United States is corrupt and immoral. She knows this and is losing her mind. go ahead and demonize the truth at your own peril!
  
  The information that i published for free will help you to understand the dynamic of the Battle of the Sexes in such a way that you could actually create a bridge of understanding that will rescue her from the hell she is currently stuck within. however, if you simply want to make her your problem and throw her away like she is some kind of un-desireable garbage, you will find a lot of support here at Soul Cast. Here, the misunderstandings about the Battle of The Sexes is being agreed upon and held in a rigid state. if u stick around long enough, you will get to witness their lives fall apart with regularity as they demonize new information and slap it away with willful ignorance!
  
  you deserve to create what you desire, instead of being subject to a dying and corrupt group idea. i am not suggesting that our armed forces are guilty for doing their duty, i am impressed with our military. however, the civilian leaders that forced this conflict are more than ready to treat you and your compatriots as if they are disposable and inconsequential to their agenda -- human fodder, if you will.
  
  I doubt anyone told you that Ray Hunt, of Hunt Oil Company, is the only reason we as a nation are occupying the Middle East. As well, the Caspian Sea Pipeline is the agenda for the Afghanistan conflict. Our media and many here at SC will deny this, but...I suggest you educate yourself a little more about the story that is going on under the table before you give yourself to it any further. Find a Soul Caster named Shelter Crow if you would like some good information about what the mainstream media is suppressing in regard to the two wars we are presently fighting.
  
  like i said, i am grateful for your service, while looking forward to the civillians that sent you to the Middle East getting in front of a War Crimes Tribunal
  
  aloha soldier boy -- hang in there, she needs you
  

• SoldierBoy said on Mar 27, 2009....

  Pysch-ed: Yes, definitely, thank you and I look forward to writing and getting that therapuetic feeling afterwards:-)
   
  Gingersoul:  Thanks for the advice, those are things I will definitely consider!  So what part of the south was your ex from?  I'm from Dallas, Tx, and I miss it:-)  Nice to meet u.
   
  Travlr:  As far as serving our country, it is definitely an extreme honor to do so and I will do it all over again if I had to!  Yeah, I've had an overwhelming amount of hospitality towards me, and I'm definitely hooked already  lol. 
   
  Spiritualmom:  You're absolutely right.  I certainly want to make it better, but not so sure if she does, so it makes it extremely frustrating, making me feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
   
  Andora:  Wow, thanks for the info, I'm gonna have to look that up, wasn't aware of it all.  I understand what you're saying about how my wife is crying out and she needs me.  I've been there for her every step of the way.  But, it's not fair when she's not there for ME.  As selfish as that sounds, it's the truth.  I need somebody to understand me, but so far I do all the understanding without feeling understood myself.  I do whatever I can, but when you get ZERO in return, where's the fairness in that.  I understand what you're saying, but it's only true if the other party is giving something back.  I don't mean to sound selfish, but it takes TWO to tango.  It takes TWO to even HAVE in a marriage...

• andora said on Mar 27, 2009....

  if the children are well, then she is definitely THERE for you and what the two of you have created.
  
  I will say this, and it is a very unpopular thing to say.
  
  if your wife is hating her body (overweight, lost figure due to children etc...) there is very little you can do to find the intimacy you crave. Most women have role models that suggest there is nothing one can do to recover sexual attractiveness after children, as a result many of them let themselves go and then they get enraged for reasons that are not obvious bc the body-shame is in a volatile state of denial.
  
  is it possible your wife is no longer sexually attracted to her own form?
  
  this is an intimacy killer bc any woman who is actively denying her body shame is in a tailspin of body shame that will make her angry, make her lash out and cause a long-term depression that will only let up for moments of relief. Body Shame on the part of mothers pushes men away....leads to adultery and incest....is denied by the group, shoved under the table and then the blame and shame becomes circular and demeaning, vicious and hateful. this is the NORM
  
  i, myself, am in the process of recovering my physical form from this toilet of despair. I have learned more about the workings of a body than most doctors know because i know that my body is willing to recover if i but learned its special language. I am having good results and will be exposing my physical form here in the near future as an example for all the "good" folks who like to call me a liar, insane, idiot....to name just a few. I have hatred for their synicism, hatred for their passive agressive manner of speaking, hatred for thier denial about the miraculous nature of the human body, hatred for thier small minds, hatred for thier pious, hypocritical talk as the schmooze each other to death with fake beta dog grins, hoping others will like them more than they like their own self!
  

• HollyGoLightly said on Mar 31, 2009....

  Welcome *Soldier-Boy*!!  (ooooohhh....chills down my spine....I like it!) ;)
   
  I'm a little late, but have been MIA from SC here for a week or so...and I'm just catching up. sounds like you have some serious soul-searching to do. I know how hard it is. I was married once, years and years ago, to a seriously abusive man, so that didn't last long, and though I've loved many times since, nobody's been able to charm me into taking that leap again. Sad though, since that would be my ultimate want...to share all I am and all I have to give in the bond of marriage...good marriage.
   
  It takes constant effort and constant work, but you have an excellent point, one which I talked  myself blue in the face trying to explain to my uncaring (at the time) husband, it does in fact, TAKE TWO.  For years I put in so much, finally realizing (besides the abuse factor), that I was in a doomed one-sided relationship, which could never fulfill me, and that I was basically talking with (and beating my head against) a brick wall.
   
  I wish you the very best in your journey, figuring things out, simply venting here (sooo gooood for what ails you :)  ), coming to terms with things, making your decisions...   I know you'll receive lots of support here on SC, and I'll be reading along.
   
  *peace*
  *~*Holly*~*
   
   

• Sir. said on Apr 01, 2009....

  if you need to vent, this is the place, i'm fairly new but the reception was nice and warm.
  thank you for putting your life on the line for my continued liberty.
  
  sorry to hear about the wife man but as far as i know that's the way it goes, never been married (i'm 21 and don't plan on marriage for a while) but every relationship i've been in has the Dr.Jekyll Mr.Hyde thing going on, thats how things work.
  
  a wise (or crazy) man once told me "just cuz you love 'em don't mean your always gonna like them" he and his wife had ben married seventy five years when he told me this.
  

• dubblebubbles said on Apr 04, 2009....

  Hey welcome to SC I'm new here to this is a great place to vent... I've been married almost 12 years and i can totally relate to the marriage issue my hubby is most of the time a true a-hole if it weren't for our family I'm not sure that i would still be married to this person i know that is not a reason to stay but then again it is...we have a love hate relationship also just go with your heart I feel that i also am in a one sided relationship i give 100% and in return i get nothing I feel trapped and I'm still trying to figure it out.......this man has made me jaded and i fear that ill never love anyone like i once loved him.... thanks for proudly serving our country......hang in there......

• gingersoul said on Apr 04, 2009....

  SoldierBoy.......really? My ex is from Lubbock, Texas. And guess what....we have been living in Dallas until the divorce and after the divorce....... i am still living in Dallas!
  
  Uhmm.....and what do you exactly miss?.....lol...

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