• silverwhisper said on Aug 30, 2006....

  um...maybe the guy you're after is just an idiot?
  
  ed
  

• anarchist said on Aug 30, 2006....

  HAHAHA! Thanks for making me laugh, Ed.
  
  Maybe he is.
  
  Or MAYBE, I'm the idiot.
  

• secretlife said on Aug 30, 2006....

  Sometimes there's nothing you can do.
  
  And it has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with you-
  
  Now I see why my letter touched you.
  
  Just let him go.
  
  Intestingly enough, I've known guys who actually like you better when you aren't paying any attention to them.
  I think alot has to do with their fears.
  In any case, the best thing for you is to move on.
  

• anarchist said on Aug 30, 2006....

  Thanks for the advice, SL.
  
  I do want to move on. Liking him hasn't done me any good.
  

• secretlife said on Aug 30, 2006....

  I know you do. And you will.
  

• anarchist said on Aug 30, 2006....

  *scared me talking*
  
  But what if I can't [move on]?
  

• secretlife said on Aug 30, 2006....

  I'd say it took me about 2 years to actually truthfully move on.
  And even after that I carried him with me for years, unconsciously comparing everyone to him...and quite unfairly i might add.
  
  I was crazy in love with him though. And he was my best friend the entire time.
  
  Hopefully you aren't in so deep as I was.
  
  I made a ton of mistakes.
  
  Hindsight of course is 20/20.
  
  You can move on. The way you do it is to take baby steps.
  You call your girlfriends and you go out friday or saturday nite with them; you keep busy doing what you like to do, you don't sit around and give your head time to think about him.
  The most important thing is to keep busy.
  And slowly you will see.....
  

• anarchist said on Aug 30, 2006....

  SL, I wished I wouldn't have the two years to get over him. I fear that I'm already there - deep.
  
  But, yes. I am trying. I don't contact him as much anymore, even if I just want to have coffee with him.. It's lame, I know. But at odd times, he pops in my head... and I know I'm lost.
  

• silverwhisper said on Aug 31, 2006....

  anarchist, you really need not to contact him at all, draw some strength from your friendships and spend time w/ those folks instead. you gotta protect yourself. :>
  
  ed
  

• SeanRenaud said on Aug 31, 2006....

  Maybe I just haven't read enough of your posts to really understand the situation but it seems awful early for everybody to be screaming abandon ship. If you want a guy, go for it, are you so easily detered in all aspects of your life?
  
  In answer to your question yes breasts give you an advantage, just like a nice ass does. Being slender helps, being well dressed helps. If we are talking about initial reactions and the chances of you being noticed all of these things trump a good personality. I can't see your personality from across the room, or your eyes despite the lie I might tell you to your face.
  
  Honestly he hasn't turned you down yet, there migth be a time to bail, but it ain't yet.
  

• bloc said on Aug 31, 2006....

  there are a lot of issues here :)
  
  First, I've never been turned off by a girl telling me that she liked me. He either liked you or he didn't.
  
  Second, your asking the wrong question. You don't want to turn him on, you want him to like you. Two very different things.
  
  I'm certain he doesn't like you. If he did he would have been glowing after you told him that you liked him. Here's a weird question. Do you smoke and does he? I know a lot of guys, including myself, who will not date a girl that smokes. It doesn't matter how attractive you are or how great your personality is. Smoking is a deal breaker for a lot of people, but I've never had the nerve to say it to a girl.
  

• secretlife said on Aug 31, 2006....

  pssst anarchist......listen to bloc.
  

• unheavenlyhegemony said on Aug 31, 2006....

  Are you in Manila, Anarchist? Just wondering...
  
  Anyway, I've gone through what you're "suffering" from now.. I've read this book called "He's Just Not Into You" (I might be wrong with the title but it's something like that). From the looks of it, your guy is not into you, otherwise you won't be asking that question now.
  
  What I've come to learn from my intergender relationships with men is that they don't leave you guessing. Men know what they want. If they want you, you'd know. And they don't say, "Maybe."
  
  Only a few men like it when a woman tells them FIRST of her romantic feelings; mostly are traditional - i.e., they want to do the chasing.
  
  Don't let this guy ruin your self-image...your self-love. Just think about how bad you are feeling now because he is unable to reciprocate. It's an end-game there. I agree with secretlife that you should let go and move on. Let him regret not liking you back in your absence (or maybe he won't, but that shouldn't worry you). Bottomline, he's not worth it. Somebody who will make you happy will find you. It's just not him (at this point).
  
  Cheer up. You are a woman. You will and can survive this bump.
  
  And like what my daughter told me when some a**h*** broke my heart recently - "He's only a guy."
  

• raft said on Aug 31, 2006....

  What the others said mostly.
  
  It's unfortunate, but there wasn't a match. I don't think you should beat yourself up too much over it.
  
  I find it's usually three things: one objects, the other objects or it's simply bad timing.
  
  Move on. If it's meant to be, it'll happen.. later.
  
  I'm not overly religious, but I find that things happen for a reason. if it's meant to be, maybe he has to learn something, maybe it's you who has to.
  
  I know it's easy for me to say (write?), but that's what my experiences have thought me.
  

• anarchist said on Aug 31, 2006....

  Thanks to everyone who replied! (By order of comments)
  
  Ed, yes, I have been going out with friends and meeting new people. I know what I must do. (And that sounds lame)
  
  SeanRenaud, no, I am not easily "deterred" from what I want life. I'm the type who "if I know what I want, I really go with it." I'm known as the type who gets what she wants. If I have decided on something, it's THAT. That's WHY I know I'm losing it.. because I've liked this guy for quite some time now. Thanks for the advice. Not abandoning ship yet, trying to see if the waters are friendlier. ;)
  
  Bloc, if you have read my other entry, I have a requirement for guys to not smoke even if i do. I know it sounds crazy. But yeah, I'm cleaning up. Not smoking.. as much anymore. :D Thanks for the heads up. I realized that - that I'm wanting him to like me back - when I read your comment. Realized it was also childish and foolish of me to want him to like me.
  
  SL, thanks for keeping updated.
  
  UnheavenlyHegemony, yes, I am in Manila. And yes, I know he's "just a guy." Think is, I like this guy!! (hahaha)
  
  Raft, yes, my friends have been telling me that HE'S NOT YET READY. I know things happen for a reason. I was quite surprised that I kept thinking about him of all people.
  

• Bluesnake said on Sep 01, 2006....

  I once turned down a woman who is interested in me because she seems 'desperate'. So, that's a turn-off.
  
  Maybe my advice is to give him some surprises and suspension. Keep him on the edge. Don't be too needy. Be cocky instead but not too extreme.
  

• anarchist said on Sep 01, 2006....

  Bluesnake, I don't think I define the word "desperate." I keep it cool. I don't contact him all the time if that's what you mean. We've only talked twice about me liking him. The other times, it's all casual and fun.
  
  Keep him, hanging huh. Maybe that'll do the trick.
  

• defector said on Sep 01, 2006....

  Hey Anarchist,
  
  what you are experiencing is the main gheez of a relationship. guys also went through what you girls goes through. just turn everything around have you in the situation like him and vice-versa.
  
  imagining you are a good friend of a guy for a long long time. and suddenly, out of no where that very good friend guy of yours tells you that he likes you.
  
  the reaction wouldn't be pleseant. firstly, there is always something call shock. next there is something call not prepared. its a big transition from good friends to lover. and there is lots of things a guy would consider. lastly, there is another thing call one sided affair.
  
  1. if he is shock what are you suppose to do? simply move things slowly.. its 2006 girls are entitled to make the move nowadays. but not every move. its just like playing with a kite. your relationship with him is like a kite. To get it up.. trap wind.
  
  2. If a good guy friend of yours told you he liked you and wanted to be with you as couple, what's your main consideration? what if things don't work out? friends still possible?
  
  3. how would you know if its one sided? if its not the above 2 its one sided. and the main reason he is drifiting away from you as a friend is to prevent you from getting the same idea you had the other time.
  
  
  to turn guys on, simple trick is to go all naked. but ONS is not what you want. I get turn on when girls are street smart. I get turn on when i can communicate with the girl. I get turn on when a girl is able to analyse and understand people, not necessary me but others around her. I get turn on with pink and i get turn on with a bit of temper at times with my girl. ultimately, the right things have to happen at the right time to make sparks.
  
  just my many paragraph worth of comments ..
  

• anarchist said on Sep 01, 2006....

  Defector, thank you for your comments/opinions/insights. (By order of question or point)
  (1) I didn't quite get what you meant when you said, "To get it up, trap wind." I get the metaphor for the kite. Not the wind, though.
  
  (2) If a good guy friend of mine told me he liked me, I would simply imply and honestly say what I feel. It happened in the past and I still remain friends with them. I found out that the immature ones are those who couldn't handle being "friends" with the girl they like. My main consideration would have to be chemistry. If things didn't work out, then I'd say, move on. I'm not quite ignorant on this matter.
  
  After all, if two people can't work out in a romantic relationship, what's stopping them from continuing a less intimate one? ...especially if they have fun together.
  
  (3) I would probably know its sidedness. Anyone in a relationship will [know]. Me and this guy, have CHEMISTRY to the point that it's NOT SPARKS, it's FIREWORKS. I've been told that you can hear sizzling sounds instead of the common "pop pop."
  
  Regarding your sentence, "and the main reason he is drifiting away from you as a friend is to prevent you from getting the same idea you had the other time."
  
  ... he isn't drifting away. Just last night, he asked me out. But I refused.
  
  I'm not being too available for him, see?
  
  I thank you for your comments. And from your preferences, I think you and a lot of the male SC-ers here have much in common. Especially with the communicating and sparks bit.
  

• chong said on May 11, 2008....

  i think its possible for someone to like you without "loving you"in the sexual way.and it hurts if that person is your friend. well, what can i say? perhaps,his choice sucks! and hes gonna regret. i made the mistake once..falling for my best friend and he liked someone so shallow. well, the good part is, since then i met this wonderful person who convinced me "love" as they "write about in the novels" do exist. its just a matter of destiny.perhaps you might not be convinced but its quite possible that even if that person had reciprocated,it might not even have worked out. cos finally, its all a matter of fate. the one for you is already decided................

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