Just got back from another date. I'm not sure how it went. I'll recount how I found him. I was looking at this feature on the dating website I use, it lets you see whose been looking at your profile. One of them was this guy who seemed really interesting, he had written some insightful things on his profile, so I decided to say hi. He answered me back with a short sentence and usually when that happens I'll drop the whole thing. This time I didn't want to, he really made an impression on me, so I asked if he'd like to IM sometime. He wrote back with how to find him and that was it, that annoyed me some more, but I figured I'd try anyway.
So we got to chatting, and it was pretty fun. Then he had to go but said we could text. I dunno what came over me, but I was texting the funniest stuff back to him and we were having a good time, over texting, who knew. Man did it feel good to be able to talk and laugh with someone like that. Then before I went to sleep, he texted that he liked me and we'd have to meet up real soon. The next day, today, he wanted to invite me over for dinner. I wasn't expecting that soon, but for some reason I really trusted him and everything seemed easy and different, so I said ok.
I drove to his place, and we had awkward time trying to get me to find his apartment. He seemed really nice though, not scary at all. We ate dinner and played a game. It was all kind of awkward and I was having a hard time thinking of stuff to say, and trying to be how I was texting because it had felt so good and so me, or how I'd like to be me at least. I was a little more demanding than I usually am, like I asked to take the lead in the game once, just once, and then I tried to make sure I was more comfortable instead of just not bothering the person and going along with stuff like I normally do. I guess you could say I was trying to be more assertive and put some value onto myself, like my shrink says. I don't think he minded tooo much and it was nice to look out for myself. It made me feel proud. One of the things I did was ask if we could go on his balcony, because I was soo hot.
On the balcony we finally had a chance to talk. I told him about my crazy experiences here so far, and he told me crazy stuff he did. Now from his pictures I didn't think he was that cute, but in person I found him more attractive, at one point I made him out to be kind of like Clark Kent, cause his glasses and smile, just lots of things about him made him look a lot like an undercover superman. However, some of his crazy stories turned me off a bit. Apparently he's trying to be more of a bad boy, which is ok, I think I try to be a bad girl. I wonder if we turned each other off? Hmm. He never made a move on me though, and after he said some of the crazy stuff he did, I egged him on more and he said he had something planned for tonight.
I knew he had said before he was going to a bar or two, so I wasn't sure why he wanted me to go over, but I figured maybe he'd cancel that if he was having a good time with me. Turned out his crazy plan was more important, and soon after I asked him about it, he said he should get going on it. So I got a hug and left.
I'm not sure what to think. I'm almost trying to make myself feel sad over him, just because I don't think he liked me that much and I was trying to be the person I'd really like to be, but wasn't to successful I guess. Then again, I'm proud of myself for being assertive and I don't think he was someone easy for me to talk to in person anyway. Ohwell, we'll see how it goes I guess.
Anyway, it kind of makes me miss this other guy a little more and my mean bad friend too even. The other guy, is the one I went on a date with a couple weeks ago and then fooled around with way to soon, but didn't go all the way with at least. I expressed some of my concerns with my best friend last night and she sure gave me a good perspective. I was complaining to her how this guy has said he's been busy for 2 weeks, and it was making me really mad. Course I found out his job really is super busy, but I also got frustrated and just asked him if he was still interested. He insisted he is, he's just busy. Then I found out yesterday he went snowboarding and I was telling my best friend how rude that was. However, she pointed out how it really does sound like we're just dating, and he had said something similiar to further make that true. That's ok, it's just we fooled around and now I like him, and my best friend said well he's probably not there yet. Makes tons of sense!
What in the world do I do in the mean time? I figure I need other people to date and try to distract me, but I still have this hope for him and I'm still more excited about him, especially after this weird date. My best friend said to just let him come around if he's still interested. I think that's all I can do, but it really sucks cause of how I feel. I really need to get more of a life for me going here, so I can focus better, school just doesn't do it for me for some reason right now, that's another issue all together. Sigh, anyway, I'm not going to mope about and wait for him to be unbusy that's for sure.
