What a freaking horrible place to be - where I am now!

 

Twelve weeks being 27 y o son's "wallpaper" in his hospital wards, after he was damaged (badly) in a car crash.

Lost momentum in my own rehabiliatation (following two hip replacement operations, and mucked up medications).

Now so freaking weak I get shaky.

Still get dizzy spells

Get so scared I can't go out.

-Walked around the block for 15 minutes, but half-way around, was sobbing and distressed over nothing at all except imagined stuff. Yesterday tried to take myself shopping - after looking through six racks I was so confused and dizzy, anxious... ended up going back to the car and crying all the way there and back to home.

THIS IS NOT ME! WHAT THE FECK IS GOING ON?

 Need to see/find a doc who can organise tests to make a proper diagnosis of Why I get dizzy and feel like im going to fall again.

Want to find a counsellor/therapist who can provide me with whatever will help me get a grip and overcome this anxiety and agoraphobia.

Want to be able to walk and work without getting fatigued and frightened.

 

Wish I had not been told that the prognosis for me back in '93 was that I'd only live for seven years. Ever since I heard that in 2008, I've been obsessed with health.

With so many things going badly in th elast few years, I sometimes catch myself wondering what made me fight the cancer so hard?!

 

(Excuse me while I grab tissues and calm down...)