• the_infernal_optimist said on Mar 18, 2009....

  I hope to never be able to definitively answer.
  
  To lose the love I have would kill me, but never having loved or been loved this way would mean I was never fully alive.
  
  ~Infernal
  
  
  

• LonelyWanderer said on Mar 18, 2009....

  This is a difficult question, for the happy go lucky side of me, I would say it is better to have loved and lost than to never have felt the touch of a man and the embrace of another, but to lose it is to take away something that was so wonderful that when you were alone before the loneliness was nothing in comparison to what it is after. I have friends who havn't been in fully fledged supportive relationships who say that they could easily live without men, I think the most horrible thing is to have never felt those arms full of love wrapped around you. Coz if you havnt then you are really missing out.

  Soz that was a bit of a ramble wasnt it..

• Dauntless said on Mar 18, 2009....

  I agree wholeheartedly with you infernal, it is a sense of awakening but into a dream, like you're not quite fully aware of what it's all about but you cannot let go of it and doing so would destroy you.
  
  Lol wanderer, wasn't a ramble at all, you thought about it enough to give a good responsive opinion! I agree with your post, it's great for me to be able to wrap my arms around Des, several times a day lol but it goes deeper, to the very core of you.
  I do think a huge part of it is being able to hold the person you are with for no other reason than to just hold them because you want to.
  

• LonelyWanderer said on Mar 18, 2009....

  Definately, I totally agree, and to lose that would be terrible, but in response to the question you ask in your post, I would rather have known it and have the memories, because not knowing and only viewing half of what love can mean from afar would be much worse

• LonelyWanderer said on Mar 18, 2009....

  I only hope that you and destiney can live in eachothers love for aeons to come!

• Hegemone said on Mar 18, 2009....

  Well, on the one hand if you've loved and lost you've at least had the chance to experience such a wonderful thing, and it's just priceless and utterly impossible to replicate.  On the other hand, if you've never experienced it at all you wouldn't know that you're missing anything, or rather, you wouldn't know what you're missing so it probably wouldn't matter.  For example (not a love example, but sort of a comparison) ... my friend is allergic to tomatoes, I make my family spaghetti recipe that is utterly amazing, my friend doesn't get angry that she can't have any because she's never had spaghetti anyway, so she doesn't even know what she's missing, nor does she care.

• Dauntless said on Mar 19, 2009....

  I know Des and I will be together eternally, I couldn't explain how I know I just "know" lol. But yes, I agree with you, never knowing is missing something paramount in life. I believe so anyway lol.
  
  I get your point hege and it's a good one too, I never really knew what it was until Des, however I think people will know that there's something missing, there's a kind of void inside that needs to be filled, it's that feeling when you just don't know what to do with yourself, like there's something out of place.
  

• Hegemone said on Mar 19, 2009....

  Right, I know what you mean, and nothing else can fill that void ... but there are lots of people out there who work hard to try to fill it because they don't know what love is and don't know that it'll do the trick.  Although I also have to say, I'm of the belief that there may be some out there who don't have that void, and not due to being in love if you see my meaning.  Perhaps that could be because they hold themselves so near and dear to their own heart that they're in love with themselves (although I think that still doesn't quite live up to being in love with another person, I do believe that it'll do the trick for somebody wanting to fill the void).  Alternately, maybe that non existent void could be for other reasons, and maybe not good ones either.
  

• blaster said on Mar 19, 2009....

  better to have loved and lost? That's the question huh?
  I know my feelings on that matter and i guess it's for each person to decide, or if they have never loved, that may be something in the lap of the gods.
   
  But the question of love and putting your happiness in someone else's control, that kind of thing.
   
  Well, the way it seems to go, that i notice anyway, from the moment all the bliss and cloud nines begin, there is also the feeling that something this good could be gone and then you would feel awful pain.
  And so, as soon as the magic of love begins, so too we ascend this lofty warm perch from which we could tragically fall.
  But then, if we don't want to fall, if we fear it so with such dread, we protect ourselves.
  And then, well then it get's complicated.
  To control the commitment.
  All these little contracts spring up.
  Marriage, holidays together, mortgages, children, shared hire purchase, it can get into everything.
  So what should be shared out of giving, may be shared out of binding.
  We let things that should be good, reinforcing things, morph into this weight that is held over, to snap, how dare you, after all we've shared, i thought you loved me when i gave you this or promised to do that.
  Look how you have broken the contract.
  what about the children, did you think of them?
  How you have lied and deceived me to love you and then you just...
   
  And so, the remedy, the way i see to stop the love being poisoned with this control agenda, this fear of the pain and the deals that so contrast the freedom and power of the love with the bitterness and resentment of this fear verging on revenge;
   
  to fall in love, to be swept away, from that moment of surreal flight where we are taken away, this is like never before, i have never loved like this or been so intoxicated by love;
  from that first moment we also feel the fear that it may end.
  But, for the sake of the love, for the love we want to give and to receive to remain pure and so beautiful, it occurs to me that we must also accept the pain the loss of that love will give us.
  And for me to accept that, i tell myself, this point in time, this time that was will always be worth it.
  I will not discard it for a bitter ending but instead will set that love free, give it that freedom from the very outset.
  Do i trust it not to leave me? No, i don't do that!
  I say, it can leave tomorrow and my life will always have been better for the time we had together.
  I so feel that pain, that loss, that heartbreak, but i also accept that, and know that it was worth it, and will be something that will always be a part of me that i will not betray or denounce. It will always be a good love, whether it is now or in the past, i am better for what it has shown me, the dimension and belief i have because of it.
   
  So, if you love somebody, set them free.
  But i say, not when they leave you, but as soon as they are with you.
  From that very first rush, also feel and embrace the loss. Know as you look into each others eyes, silently marvel, touch with padded fingers, this living breathing love and know the pain you would feel and how intense and special that pain is. From the very first touch, understand and feel the dimension of the loss.
   
  "Life is the test of love as death is its measure."
  I think that was Victor Hugo?
  regardless, the death, the end of love, then yes, it is pain, it is unbearable hurt and loss. The agony is sweet.
  But also it is reflection.
  We know then how much that love was. How good it was. We know that if we never love again, we had that love in our lives.
  And when we face the end of our lives, we know we had it as a part of ours.
  So then, the end of love punctuates and then we know what it was, how much, how special it was.
  At the end of it, we let it go and and still feel for it.
  For the sorrow, the loss is inversely proportional to the strength and specialness of that love.
   
  A love affair that ends all nonchalant? Why even bother if you can be so unaffected by it? If it mattered so little, why bother?
   
  And so when the love is over, then it happens, then we feel the loss that is so disconcerting.
  But then we always felt that, and accepted with peace as the price of love.
  And saw it with goodness, that we had a love for which we would be so devastated, then we know that love was worth it.
   
  Lot of things to say, but it's hard to tell it if you don't see it, for we so bristle at the thought of our love being gone.
  And yet i propose, that we accept that loss from the very start.
  We know and practice that if that love goes, by accident by whatever, it doesn't matter why the love has gone, things have changed, but the love that was remains, i will not let it go or be ungrateful for it.
  Even though you are apart, by death, illness or a change of heart, then still feel that love, even when she's in another's arms, i remember good things, and i wince with the pain and curse the ground, but i still love. I will not blame the end for the pain i feel.
  But instead i shall touch the wound, feel the depth of it, and know the more it hurts, the deeper it cuts, then that was a good love. A better love that more of a wound should gape red raw.
  That to me, is love.
   
  So, Des' idea that true love is giving them the power to destroy you and trusting them not to?
   
  That's a trifle naive to live on that premise of trust. More betrayal and blame. That has no place in love.
  Can you "trust" someone not to fall victim to circumstance?
  True love is so strong, that it will prevail when the lover is gone. It will remember them with warmth and kindness and it will feel the pain, yes, and know that is a measure of the love.
  an inevitable and everpresent consequence of it.
   
  To be ready for love then you must be ready to relinquish.

• Dauntless said on Mar 20, 2009....

  Hege, definitely a good point! There are those out there that don't have that void or have it filled by other means, some people's first and only love would be money or fame for instance. Others, as you said, would most likely love only themselves, I see this as shallow, whether I should or not, there's a kind of incompleteness about that in itself, as if the person hasn't really experienced the world as much? Not explaining it very well but I'm sure you get the picture lol. 
  
  Blaster, well, what can I say? Very interesting read. I agree wholeheartedly that if a love has been lost it doesn't stop you from loving them if it was true love in the first place. I've loved before, but has it been the type of love that grips you and takes hold of your soul burrowing deep to the core, knowing that the only true sunlight is that of the rays beaming out from the one true love? No. Although I do understand your thoughts on the saying regarding trust but with your own comment "To be ready for love then you must be ready to relinquish."  surel this is much the same thing. Yes the statement of trust makes it different but also similar. There must be trust in any relationship, this extends to any sort of relationship whether it be a family member or even your pet dog, trust will always be a factor, I think the statement just personifies that trust, although I will agree it's not the be-all and end-all.
  
  One of the biggest factors, if not the biggest, is communication.
  Des and I are always sharing our thoughts and feelings, although we can read each other well without the other having to voice them it's still good, no not good, necessary to communicate our thoughts and feelings. We share the fear, pain and loss and it helps us to understand and embrace these feelings together.
  
  Would I still love Des if, god forbid, anything ever happened to us? Until the end of time for sure. Nothing in my life has ever prepared me for the clarity and the feeling of being "awake" for the first time as I feel now. It's the first time I've ever felt like I'm actually "Home". The first time for me when life has actual meaning. Losing that would be cataclysmic to me as a human being, it would crush my soul, my world would never be the same, never be complete. Wounds of the body heal over time, but wounds that would cut to the very core of your existence? I'm not so sure.
  
  Knowing all of this, do I still agree with the answer to my question that it's better have loved and lost? Yes, but what is the price? I wish never to find out.
  

• destinydiva said on Mar 20, 2009....

  it's way too early for me to make any sense!!  :-)  but.. I just wanted to say to blaster, that "giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to"
  is a quote I heard a few months ago, that only made sense after I fell in love, dauntless does have the power to destroy me, because I love him so deeply, so do I run as fast as I can because I could end up hurt?  or do I trust that he loves me too and enjoy it?  I'm trusting :-)  ...all I wanted to get across, was that it isn't my idea of love! its just a quote that I agree with, my idea of love is much deeper than that quote, it's like already discussed...the void, the something missing feeling, I have felt that in every relationship I ever had..  with dauntless, I just feel a sense of...this is it!!!!!!  the missing jigsaw piece... the other half of me, my partner in crime    :-) xx
  

• Twylarants said on Mar 24, 2009....

  I think a lot depends on how the love was lost, if you're speaking of romantic love only.  We love our family, and to lose a beloved family member is devastating.
  But to lose a love through circumstances in which both participated is different.  Sometimes lovers wind up hating each other (not D&D, of course), and, in that case, they loved, they lost...big deal...move on.
  Other times, one lover loses that feeling, or realizes they love someone else. That can be devastating to the spurned lover, but, really, how long can one mourn the loss of someone who didn't really love them in the first place?
  
  In a long term relationship love ebbs and flows, but something holds you together. You just know the other person isn't going to hurt you in a relationship-ending way...you just know.
  
  When the initial euphoria wears off, when the endorphins and all those hormones calm down and both people climb down from the pink cloud, the love turns into a loving friendship, a type of friendship they can't imagine living without.
  Each becomes the other's lifeline, soulmate, other half, all those endearing things.
  
  It can happen quickly, too...just as it happened with you and Des.
  It happened to me and MrRants.  We met in June and married 5 months later.
  Were we sure?  Yes and no.  But we're still holding hands 30 years later.
  
  I just realized I went off topic, so yes, it's better to have loved romantically and lost than never to have loved at all.
  
  
  

• the_infernal_optimist said on Mar 24, 2009....

  Upon further thought, you might say, I think Tennyson was right.
  
  ~Infernal
  

• JusticeForAll said on Apr 06, 2009....

  I certainly hope I go before my love. I couldn't bear the thought of losing him. However, if I had never loved him, I would have never really lived at all.

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