The squabble between Phil and I was resolved. A'course. It pretty much was over and all was forgiven on friday night, it now being Tuesday, its slightly difficult to recall the details. It wasnt any big production. As the night progressed I became less and less angry and Phil became more and more repentant.
I dont think there was an actual, "im sorry for....(screaming at you and storming off slamming the door so hard I broke the glass out and scared you)".
Pretty much all that happened was I came home on Friday and stewed a while being all depressed. Phil got there much later. He suggested I take a nap because I was grumpy. I told him I was grumpy but not bc I needed a nap. I told him I was upset about his outburst that morning when I mentioned I needed more sleep and could do without the 6 am butt nudging.
Hed explained he doesnt do it on purpose, that he cant help it, bc im too sexy. : P
Hes asleep when it starts and when he wakes up and realizes what hes doing hes already hard and turned on. I can understand that but it still doesnt explain the slamming of the door.
Hed just said he was grumpy that morning too, and was frustrated to begin with. He wasnt sure why he "freaked out".
That was a basic Philism. Phil has weird reactions for his emotions. Its not that he doesnt know what his emotions are, but he just doesnt know how to handle them. I understand that and can relate. I sorta have the same dysfuntion. I cry when im angry. That not that normal of a reaction. Usually when people are angry they get mad, they yell, throw something, hit something, are grumpy, anything to release the anger.
Instead of any of those things, I just cry. I hate to but I tend to blame my parents for that quality of mine. I was taught to the extreme to respect your elders. Parents did no wrong ever and children were to never ever be upset or show anger towards parents.
So when my parents made a mistake or pissed me off or treated me unfairly, never could I express my feelings of anger openly. I was forced to keep it bottled up inside. But there werent any rules saying crying was disrespectful.
So when i feltl ike i wanted to yell and scream at my mother and get super angry i just imploded instead and would cry and cry and cry till i was exhausted and no longer felt the need to scream at her.
Thats sorta how I think Phil is. When he is upset, not necessarily mad. Just upset in general, weather hes sad, frustrated, or hurt I think his initial reaction is whatever comes to mind first. He expresses himself in ways that dont necessarily reflect the feeling.
He had indicated to me that seeing me cry over something hes done that he *allegedly* has no control over made him feel helpless, hurt, angry at himself etc....Because he only wants to make me happy, the site of me crying makes him a failure in his eyes.
The realization that hed failed at making me happy made him angry, causing him to lash out and slam doors. Basically his anger was just misdirected.
Anywhoo, Phil didnt sleep in bed with me all weekend. On sunday when I asked him why, he had said he wanted me to get all the sleep that I could and he knew if he was up there he would bother me....Sunday I did get to sleep until 1pm, it was ahhhhhmazing.
My weekend was full of blissfull slumber and back massages, becuz he loves me! : )
What a sweetheart...
