Well.. It happened. We were sitting on the couch just watching tv, and we had a great weekend, hanging out with his friends, and everything! So, back to the story, we are sitting on the couch watching "transporter 3" (don't waste your time by the way)- and we are both on our own computers working, as I shut mine down I tried to talk to him, since the movie was over, but he was acting wierd. Anyways, he started watching one of his shows and we were cuddling some, and I got so scared. What if I told him I loved him, and he didnt say it back? What if it ruined our relationship? Everything just started to build up inside me as i started to cry.. The way we were cuddling he couldn't tell, until he moved, perfect timing! The look in his eyes haunted my nap today, as he looked scared, confused, worried, etc. He asked me what was wrong, and I just couldn't tell him, I couldn't muster up the courage to tell him that I was in love with him!

 

I told him I was just still feeling the effects of our interseting/ scary week that we had, which was actually just one day. He pulled me in close to him, holding me an yet I still cried, I was so scared an nervous. I could feel his lips kissing the top of my head, and feel his hands rubbing my arms trying to calm me down some. But, it wasn't working. He touched my cheek and felt that it was still wet, and pulled me to face him. He asked me again, and this time turned the tv off, and looked at me this time with need. He needed to know what was wrong, and yet I still just couldn't.

 

I tried to talk but I was crying to hard, I tried everything, and the tears just kept coming.. I looked at him, and felt so bad, that I couldn't tell him something that I should be happy about, but I was still so scared. Thats when I looked to my right I could see the worry and confusion in his face.. I touched his arm, and told him, "I love you". His face went pale, and he look shocked. He pulled me in again, and as he stroked my hair, he kept asking but why are you crying?

 

I told him I was so upset because we had'nt talked about this part of our relationship, we had'nt talked about this stage, if this is what either of us had even wanted. And I was scared that it would ruin us.. I told him that, the truth. He said it wasn't that he would or wouldn't want that. But, then he said... "Its amazing that you feel that way"... My fear had come to haunt me.. He didn't say it back, not that that's what I necissarily wanted. I just wanted him to be like, "You know, I enjoy hanging out and being with you, but I am just not ready to say that yet" something like that would have been better than what I got.

 

And then I went upstairs I went to bed, and he finally comes up and we lay down, I take the inside for the first time ever, and he watches something on his computer facing away from me on his desk.. His show goes off, and I am facing the wall, trying not to let him hear me cry. I really didn't know what to think.. I thought he was going to break up with me, I mean here I am at this stage in our relationship- and obviously he's not.

 

He came over to my side of the bed, and put his arms around me, he tells me how good it is for us to cuddle, and I nod, he falls asleep pretty quick, as I laid there thinking and crying to myself.

 

I haven't felt this empty in a long time, I feel like I would have loved any other answer just about, other than the one he gave me.. I feel like I can't be loved.. I don't understand.. I just want to know what's wrong with me..Why doesn't he love me?